Current Events > $2,300,000 but you must live with a giant intelligent spider

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UnfairRepresent
01/15/20 2:00:58 PM
#1:


Would you take it?


Money is after tax but if you take it then a giant intelligent spider will move in with you and live as your housemate, even if you move house, she'll come with you.

So you'll be playing your favorite video game with your girlfriend when she will crawl past, dragging along something caught in a web to nibble on and be like:

"Hey bro, don't mind me. Just gonna check out some of that Better Call Saul on Netflix. Come down and join me if you want. Later"

And your girlfriend will be like "What the fuck was that!?"

https://i.imgur.com/Z8pw4ov.jpg

Would you take it?
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DiScOrD tHe LuNaTiC
01/15/20 2:02:23 PM
#2:


That's an oddly specific sum, but if she's not gonna be trying to capture and eat me, it would just be like having a regular roommate. And I'd never have to worry about home invaders. ^_^

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Kitt
01/15/20 2:03:13 PM
#3:


$2,300,000 but-

Deal
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UnfairRepresent
01/15/20 2:03:15 PM
#4:


DiScOrD tHe LuNaTiC posted...
but if she's not gonna be trying to capture and eat me, it would just be like having a regular roommate.

Except they are a giant spider.
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The_Korey
01/15/20 2:04:58 PM
#5:


No. I don't want a housemate. And while I have no particular fear of spiders, a giant being that "eats" by vomiting digestive acid on a meal before sucking it up is an absolute no.

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Veggeta_MAX
01/15/20 2:05:02 PM
#6:


Oh HAIL NAW

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UnfairRepresent
01/15/20 2:05:26 PM
#7:


The_Korey posted...
a giant being that "eats" by vomiting digestive acid on a meal before sucking it up is an absolute no.

D-d....Do you not?
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#8
Post #8 was unavailable or deleted.
Machete
01/15/20 2:08:12 PM
#9:


Can it be a big British black widow spider named Wesley?
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SauI_Goodman
01/15/20 2:09:26 PM
#10:


what are the chances of it ever turning on me
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YugiNoob
01/15/20 2:10:49 PM
#11:


dolomedes posted...
what's the drawback?
Damn, beat me to it. I was gonna post:

dolomedes: Whats the downside?

lol

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Vicious_Dios
01/15/20 2:12:54 PM
#12:


Like, indefinitely or for the remainder of the spider's lifetime?

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nevershine
01/15/20 2:13:31 PM
#13:


cool deal

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evilpresident
01/15/20 2:14:56 PM
#14:


The_Korey posted...
No. I don't want a housemate. And while I have no particular fear of spiders, a giant being that "eats" by vomiting digestive acid on a meal before sucking it up is an absolute no.
You're thinking of flies. Spiders bite their prey to inject it with enzymes or something and then drink it. Like a smooty.

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RebelElite791
01/15/20 2:15:21 PM
#15:


Awesome

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IfGodCouldDie
01/15/20 2:17:25 PM
#16:


I'd take the deal but I'm unsure if my wife would let me.

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Questionmarktarius
01/15/20 2:18:37 PM
#17:


Do I have to take the money?
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WilliamPorygon
01/15/20 2:19:32 PM
#18:


UnfairRepresent posted...
So you'll be playing your favorite video game with your girlfriend when she will crawl past
It's more likely the giant intelligent spider would be my girlfriend, tbh

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PrettyBoyFloyd
01/15/20 2:25:08 PM
#19:


I'd kill the thing for free and just remain poor.

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Silver Bearings
01/15/20 2:27:10 PM
#20:


If this spider was intelligent, wouldn't it eat me? Deal.

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UnfairRepresent
01/15/20 2:37:43 PM
#21:


Vicious_Dios posted...
Like, indefinitely or for the remainder of the spider's lifetime?

The spider will outlive you

Then go to the next guy who takes the deal
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Marmitecashews
01/15/20 2:38:18 PM
#22:


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IronChef_Kirby
01/15/20 2:42:27 PM
#23:


Idk, whats this spiders personality like? Will she carry her weight with chores and stuff? Is she communicative and considerate? She seems cool from the snippet you posted, so I would probably be down especially with that $2,300,000 incentive.


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Puglia77
01/15/20 2:43:24 PM
#24:


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Tupacrulez
01/15/20 2:46:15 PM
#25:


Soooo....

What does this spider eat?

Cause at the point of being the size of the one in the photo. . . We're talking about a dog eating spider.

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Tsuyoi3
01/15/20 2:59:19 PM
#26:


She seems cool from the snippet you posted, so I would probably be down especially with that $2,300,000 incentive.
This.

WilliamPorygon posted...
It's more likely the giant intelligent spider would be my girlfriend, tbh
Lol...>_>...

Either way, I'd probably be scared the first couple times bit I'd get over it.

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BigG777
01/15/20 3:03:58 PM
#27:


2.3 mil and a giant intelligent spider best friend? Hell yeah Ill take it!
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TheMikh
01/15/20 3:05:03 PM
#28:


maybe a spider monstergirl

not so sure about a giant spider though

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Evening_Dragon
01/15/20 3:05:43 PM
#29:


Is the spider plottinng to eat me, or anybody I know, at any point?

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southcoast09
01/15/20 3:06:44 PM
#30:


Tupacrulez posted...
Soooo....

What does this spider eat?

Cause at the point of being the size of the one in the photo. . . We're talking about a dog eating spider.
Its photoshop

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Shablagoo
01/15/20 3:08:39 PM
#31:


Tupacrulez posted...
Soooo....

What does this spider eat?

Cause at the point of being the size of the one in the photo. . . We're talking about a dog eating spider.

Yeah for real, and no matter how intelligent they are if they arent finding enough food they will start eating whatever they can get their legs on. I suppose you could buy meat in bulk with the money but idk how long thatd last.

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Questionmarktarius
01/15/20 3:10:06 PM
#32:


Shablagoo posted...
Yeah for real, and no matter how intelligent they are if they arent finding enough food they will start eating whatever they can get their legs on. I suppose you could buy meat in bulk with the money but idk how long thatd last.
That's certainly one way to keep raccoons from digging around in trashcans.
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ZevLoveDOOM
01/15/20 3:11:23 PM
#33:


give him a british accent and i'll accept it.
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Shablagoo
01/15/20 3:11:48 PM
#34:


Questionmarktarius posted...
That's certainly one way to keep raccoons from digging around in trashcans.

True lol, Shelob over here would probably decimate their entire population in short order though

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UnfairRepresent
01/15/20 3:25:07 PM
#35:


Evening_Dragon posted...
Is the spider plottinng to eat me, or anybody I know, at any point?

You can ask the same question of any human
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obeseexplosive
01/15/20 3:38:23 PM
#36:


UnfairRepresent posted...


You can ask the same question of any human

I don't think many humans are plotting to eat him though.
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Evening_Dragon
01/15/20 3:39:42 PM
#37:


UnfairRepresent posted...
You can ask the same question of any human

Different context. I don't know how spider personalities and motives cause them to operate.

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UnfairRepresent
01/15/20 4:40:06 PM
#38:


ZevLoveDOOM posted...
give him a british accent and i'll accept it.

Her

its a girl
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Shablagoo
01/15/20 4:44:56 PM
#39:


If she talks like Posh Spice, then deal.

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spanky1
01/15/20 4:47:38 PM
#40:


Maybe if it was one of those half woman spiders where the top half is a woman with big boobs and the bottom half is spider. But no not full spider.
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Mistere Man
01/15/20 5:00:59 PM
#41:


I will call them Jeff

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The_Korey
01/15/20 5:25:56 PM
#42:


spanky1 posted...
Maybe if it was one of those half woman spiders where the top half is a woman with big boobs and the bottom half is spider.

That would help with my previous qualm immensely.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sZJQIUS3lmc/T4dOYUj3NFI/AAAAAAAAAWk/VrdxU7GKbL0/s1600/Monster_Girl_Encyclopedia_86.jpg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/34/91/66/3491661222c70b48164428d509cff1f8.jpg

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Smackems
01/15/20 5:38:51 PM
#43:


Guess it depends on the personality. Won't have no bitchy spider in my house.

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Srk700
01/15/20 5:40:33 PM
#44:


As long as she won't suddenly decide to start adding humans to her diet I'd take the deal.
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brestugo
01/15/20 5:41:54 PM
#45:


Is it named Patches?

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Tupacrulez
01/15/20 7:27:47 PM
#46:


southcoast09 posted...
Its photoshop
No fucking shit it's Photoshop.

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KFHEWUI
01/15/20 7:34:26 PM
#47:


Hey, as long as it does not try to use jack me up on candy and use my hyperactive blood sugar to

And use a giant drill, bore straight into hell
Releasing ancient demons from their sleep-forever spell
So they can walk upon the earth, and get resituated
And hawk the diet pills MC Pee Pants have created.


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bshwalker
01/17/20 10:58:06 AM
#48:


Id do it just to find out what happened to her eighth leg.
I dont see any downsides-
Nobody will ever break in
Aside from the course body hair, doesnt every guy want the figure 8 body with long legs?
If we fall in love, she can spin webs and make clothes out of it. I would be totally GQ like a 70s pimp!
she could play banjo, cook and wash dishes simultaneously.

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