Current Events > Having a rough day

(+) Yeah! (+)

Why has it taken her to leave you for you to change, try and "win her back", etc?

tbqh it sounds like you guys splitting is the right move for both of you, if you were neglecting her and you knew it and still did it

---

TreyFlowers posted...

Why has it taken her to leave you for you to change, try and "win her back", etc?

tbqh it sounds like you guys splitting is the right move for both of you, if you were neglecting her and you knew it and still did it

I dont know, its a problem with me and thats why im in therapy. This has happened before twice in the 12 years with my wife and ended a relationship way back with another girl. I get complacent and "put them on the shelf" so to speak. I am confident that i can work through this and ideally want to work through it with my wife, rather than a new person down the road.
The fact that i know what it is and know i need to change it, but its too late is a real killer.

---

I know it probably doesnt help, but I still think your wife sounds like a needy baby. What does it mean that you neglected her? Is she not an adult with the ability to build her own life? (Just going off of what youve shared here. Im sure theres more to the story.)

I dont expect my husband to cater to me. Heck, sometimes I WISH hed leave me alone more. And I know he has self-esteem issues, and that means I sometimes have to prop him up. If your wife wasnt able to do that, then I agree with PP that youre both better off without each other. She isnt the right one.

Im sorry for the pain youre going through right now. It must be really hard. Continue to take care of yourself.

---

were you playing video games instead of hanging out with your wife tc

---

Sariana21 posted...

I know it probably doesnt help, but I still think your wife sounds like a needy baby. What does it mean that you neglected her? Is she not an adult with the ability to build her own life? (Just going off of what youve shared here. Im sure theres more to the story.)

I dont expect my husband to cater to me. Heck, sometimes I WISH hed leave me alone more. And I know he has self-esteem issues, and that means I sometimes have to prop him up. If your wife wasnt able to do that, then I agree with PP that youre both better off without each other. She isnt the right one.

Im sorry for the pain youre going through right now. It must be really hard. Continue to take care of yourself.

See quoted below

BobanMarjanovic posted...

were you playing video games instead of hanging out with your wife tc

She really wasnt needy at all, and totally had her own things to do. My problem is i would always stay at home when she went out - or i would go out for a bit and then bounce after a couple hours. I was being a selfish dick for a long time.

Edit: also i must stress that i have been distant and not very pleasant to be around for a few months. I was in a major funk and not snapping out of it. She tried to tell me things but I wasnt hearing her - i didnt take her seriously i guess

---

Stayed at my bud's house last night. It was good to talk with a long time friend. He and his wife just had a baby and were the last people my wife and i went to visit together.
My wife stayed at the house. She took the pipe but no note or anything left behind, but why would i expect that really. Its better than her not taking it and leaving a "no thank you" note behind.
Today is my last day of work till the new year. Im kind of afraid of that thought. I dont know what im going to do. And i dont have new years plans...

---

J03can posted...

Stayed at my bud's house last night. It was good to talk with a long time friend. He and his wife just had a baby and were the last people my wife and i went to visit together.
My wife stayed at the house. She took the pipe but no note or anything left behind, but why would i expect that really. Its better than her not taking it and leaving a "no thank you" note behind.
Today is my last day of work till the new year. Im kind of afraid of that thought. I dont know what im going to do. And i dont have new years plans...

My plan involves eating a lot of beans and farting a lot. They say beans are good for your heart so lets see if they can fix a broken one.

Sorry I am only joking with you I do hope you feel better soon.


---

A rough 2 days and more to come.

---

Bumping to check in on TC. Hang in there, dude. Youll get through this.

---

Thanks everyone. Im going to another good bud's place tomorrow coming home on sunday. Hanging with my buds has been key.
Im not a full on mess anymore, i hurt a lot but can function around people. Im not doing good at softening the blow when i tell people though. I ran into a female friend of both of ours but mostly mine and just kind of blurted out "um were getting a divorce" and it hit her hard. I should have kept it to myself

---

J03can posted...

Thanks everyone. Im going to another good bud's place tomorrow coming home on sunday. Hanging with my buds has been key.
Im not a full on mess anymore, i hurt a lot but can function around people. Im not doing good at softening the blow when i tell people though. I ran into a female friend of both of ours but mostly mine and just kind of blurted out "um were getting a divorce" and it hit her hard. I should have kept it to myself

Nah let it out it is the only way to feel better imo. Bottling it up just makes it explode out later.

---

Mistere Man posted...

Nah let it out it is the only way to feel better imo. Bottling it up just makes it explode out later.

True but ive got people who know to talk to. I shouldnt be blindsiding people in public like that.

I also realized that my wife is super well liked around town and goes out way more than i did. Im not going to be able to go to any of those spots going forward.

---

First day of like 2 weeks off... ugh...

---

Dont stop going places just because your wife went there. If the topic comes up, express your sadness that things didnt work out. Dont badmouth your wife (doesnt seem as though you are) or yourself (you gotta work on this one). Things happen; people know that. No one has to be the bad guy here. You need your friends right now, even mutual friends. If you dont expect them to take sides, they will find their own ways to navigate the situation. Dont assume their thoughts on the matter.

You will get through this. Let your friends help you through this.

---

Thanks man. I took a drive today to a good friend's place. We are having some drinks and hanging out. Definitely helping with things

---

1 problem with my buddy whos house im at is he struggles to make it past 10pm so im just watching tv on the couch by myself. Its been great to be with friends though.
My buddy and his girlfriend went camping with my wife and i last summer, its brought back some good memories i had with my wife (and memories where i was crappy) and it sucks...

---

Lots of hindsight flooding in today.
Man i miss her my dudes... i fucked up so bad...

---

J03can posted...

Lots of hindsight flooding in today.
Man i miss her my dudes... i fucked up so bad...

Dont dwell on the mistakes, bro. I mean, sure, its all a lesson learned. But thinking too much about the past is gonna poison you today. Dont torture yourself like that. Its hard not to, especially during this time of year. But you gotta make peace with it.

I cant remember if you said you were into games or not. Whatever you like to do, go do that and ideally with a friend or relative. Need to get your mind off your wife, at least until the pain subsides. Dont forget, New Year is just around the corner. You can do this!

---

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Dont dwell on the mistakes, bro. I mean, sure, its all a lesson learned. But thinking too much about the past is gonna poison you today. Dont torture yourself like that. Its hard not to, especially during this time of year. But you gotta make peace with it.

I cant remember if you said you were into games or not. Whatever you like to do, go do that and ideally with a friend or relative. Need to get your mind off your wife, at least until the pain subsides. Dont forget, New Year is just around the corner. You can do this!

Thanks dude. Yes i do like games but video games were a big part of why i was neglecting her, i cant bring myself to play. That being said though, ive been spending time with friends more lately and have decided i will go to my parents place for Christmas. We havent had a really good relationship in the past while and its mostly my fault there too. I pick to many fight and arguements.
I need to fix things with my parents before i can move forward.
And on the topic of New Years - we started dating on new years 12 years ago... this year is gonna be tough

---

Hardly slept last night. In my dreams things are trending positive, then i wake up and reality hits.

Going to see my therapist this morning. I am off work until the 2nd. This is going to be a long couple of weeks.

---

TC. I was thinking about you and I hope you are finding happiness somewhere in these days. Happy Holidays to you and I just want you to know that you are loved.

---

yillin posted...

TC. I was thinking about you and I hope you are finding happiness somewhere in these days. Happy Holidays to you and I just want you to know that you are loved.

Thank you so much. Today ended up being the toughest yet. I spent the day alone after the therapist and around 3pm kind of spiraled out of control in my own head. I didnt hurt myself and nothing is broken, it was just very tough. Im going to my parents house tomorrow evening for a few days. I hope that helps.
Happy holidays to you as well and anyone else whos been popping into this topic, youve all been so helpful in making me feel not alone when i am.

---

The holidays will be a toughie. But lean on family and friends, it's what it's all about.

This topic is here for you too, it's not just empty usernames. They're all attached to people, wishing you the best. You're not alone TC

---

powerman1426 posted...

The holidays will be a toughie. But lean on family and friends, it's what it's all about.

This topic is here for you too, it's not just empty usernames. They're all attached to people, wishing you the best. You're not alone TC

It really means a lot, i wish i could convey how much.

---

I slept maybe 2 hours last night. Very restless. I couldnt sit at home so i came into work even though im on vacation. The office is only open until lunch though, so after that i need to kill time until 4 when i head to my gym for a christmas get together.
I hardly ate anything yesterday, i need to stop that, i need to eat regularly whether i feel like it or not.
I miss my wife so much. This is impossible

---

J03can posted...

This is impossible

You can and will be a better person once this has all passed. CE believes in you!

---

J03can posted...

I miss my wife so much. This is impossible

The first statement is true. The second is not.

The time right after a breakup is the worst part. But you will get through this. I know it because you are clearly making the effort and doing good things to clear your head, including getting it off your chest here. Do not stop. Keep moving and keep writing about it, as long as you feel you need an outlet and that this is helping, even just a little bit. Its true that your emotions are on a roller coaster ride right now and some days will be a really steep drop, but it will not last forever. You will slowly start to regain your sense of peace. You just gotta give it some time and keep yourself busy for now. You got this!

---

Tired-Insomniac posted...

You can and will be a better person once this has all passed. CE believes in you!

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

The first statement is true. The second is not.

The time right after a breakup is the worst part. But you will get through this. I know it because you are clearly making the effort and doing good things to clear your head, including getting it off your chest here. Do not stop. Keep moving and keep writing about it, as long as you feel you need an outlet and that this is helping, even just a little bit. Its true that your emotions are on a roller coaster ride right now and some days will be a really steep drop, but it will not last forever. You will slowly start to regain your sense of peace. You just gotta give it some time and keep yourself busy for now. You got this!

This is so fucking hard dudes...
Youre all correct in saying that it will eventually get better in time, but, from what i experienced yesterday, there are going to be times where i unexpectedly emotionally fall lower than what i thought possible. I was on a good path for about a week and a half, then yesterday it all collapsed and im so anxious

---

Checking in on TC. Keep taking it one day at a time. Or one hour at a time. Take care of yourself.

---

Sariana21 posted...

Checking in on TC. Keep taking it one day at a time. Or one hour at a time. Take care of yourself.

Thanks. Fuck the next couple of days are going to be tough.

---

Merry Christmas CE. Thanks for all of your help over the past month and most likely going forward. I came to my parents house last night and actually slept better than i have in weeks. Ive got some sort of cough/cold which isnt ideal, but things arent as terrible as they could be.
I hope you all have a great day.

---

Merry Christmas, TC. Im glad youre with family. Feel better soon.

---

Sariana21 posted...

Merry Christmas, TC. Im glad youre with family. Feel better soon.

Thanks, Merry Christmas to you too.
Im trying. Lots to remind me of her today. I dont even remember the last time i was at my parents house without her. I wish i hated her, i miss her so much...

---

Its been nice to spend time with my mom. I havent really spent time with her in a long time. Its still been a tough day though... the dreams tonight will be my wife and i deciding to get back together... again...

---

You got through Christmas, look forward to a New Year. What better time to reflect and move on? You'll be ok, you're doing right hanging with friends and family.

Keep your head up, and lean on those resources my friend. Remember, this too shall pass.

---

It will pass, i know. But it really doesnt feel like it.

---

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S5zttEPcCuQ

I know you will find your cure TC I believe in you!

---

My brothers and their families are over at my parents. We are doing our christmas dinner tonight. This is so tough. My wife is my partner in these things, we always have a nice time. She gets along with everyone so well. I want her here so bad.

---

My wife messaged me last night. Shes at home and the hot water tank is leaking. So i have to go home today to deal with the repair man. Shes leaving to spend time with her friend tonight

---

Leaking!? Does that mean the floors are all wet?
Blegh!

---

Just in the laundry room.
I saw her for the first time in a couple weeks. Man i love her. I told her how i am figuring these things out, how i lost sight of things and that i want to get us back on track. After doing that, i dont know if i should have.... fuck im so messed up. I want our life back, i do love her so much. Ugh i hate this...
Shes still holding strong obviously on her stance. I asked if theres any hope at all and she said "i dont know"

---

J03can posted...

Just in the laundry room.
I saw her for the first time in a couple weeks. Man i love her. I told her how i am figuring these things out, how i lost sight of things and that i want to get us back on track. After doing that, i dont know if i should have.... fuck im so messed up. I want our life back, i do love her so much. Ugh i hate this...
Shes still holding strong obviously on her stance. I asked if theres any hope at all and she said "i dont know"

Ehh, I dont think this is good for your mental health, friend.

---

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Ehh, I dont think this is good for your mental health, friend.

Its not. But i feel i need to do anything i can to get my wife back

---

The last few days have been an emotional downward spiral

---

Bumping to check in on TC. Keep hanging in there. Some days will be really hard.

---

I know it doesn't do much to help you rn TC but I'm keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for the best outcome for you. Hope you're doing better today.

---

Thanks dudes. Please know it does help.
I have a feeling today that we will be able to get back together, but, the problem here is that realistically that probably isnt going to happen. So i worry for my mental health in that ive tried to accept this situation and feel that i may be undoing the progress in accepting that i might have been making.
Dreams feeling very real are like a kick in the gut.
Had a dream this morning before i woke up that we were in our living room talking things through. It wasnt fully "we are getting back together", but it was constructive conversation... then i woke up...

---

Win her back by making her jealous. Send her explicit photos and videos of you and other women. She'll come crawling back.

Don't do this.

---

I couldnt do that even if i wanted to. If i were out and some girl started talking to me and showing interest, i wouldnt be able to deal with it. Id feel guilty.
The last thing on my mind right now is moving onto someone else.
And i know it would be a bad idea anyways... but im stuck in this loop of try to win her back or get over her.

It doesn't help that i havent gotten out of bed yet today. Im not doing myself any favors

---

Um im still in bed
This is bad

---