Current Events > Welp this is the closest I've come to having a gf in 7yrs and I might pass on it

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've been single for 7 years (no sexual activity since then either). My friend is hooking me up with this girl from his work. He works at a burger place and when I went up to visit him/grab a bite she was apparently crushing on me hard (I didn't even notice). So he gave her my number.

We've been texting for almost 3 weeks now without ever actually meeting up (she was out of town all last week which is part of it) and I guess we're kind of hitting it off, but nothing's really snapping and going "this is the one". It's just "she'll work".

There's nothing wrong with her, and we share enough interests, but she's just not quite my type. She's rather unspectacular and just not enticing enough for me to continue on with, which is so weird to me that I feel this way because I've been single for 7 freaking years. It has never gotten this close to happening at all in that time frame, but here I am completely apathetic over it.

I think it's mostly because of our ages. I'll be 26 in a couple months and she'll be 27 this year. I don't have any problem with this on paper, but I feel like I wasted the first half of my twenties dating nobody and she's probably looking for something much more serious. I mean, if I found my "one" right now I would have zero problem turning it into a lifelong thing. But she's the kind of girl I was supposed to meet at 22 and have a fling with. I guess it's partially I don't want to waste her time but also partially I don't trust myself to treat this like the fling it should be.

Bottom line, tl;dr:
I just don't want to lock myself down with someone I'm only OK with when I haven't dated around and had a these diverse experiences, but who knows when my next chance will be? Who knows if I'll ever end up with someone I actually truly want? Like, she doesn't have to be perfect, but she has to have something to make me feel like I've made progress. This girl just doesn't offer anything new.

I dont consider anything till sex lol
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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

We've been texting for almost 3 weeks now without ever actually meeting up (she was out of town all last week which is part of it) and I guess we're kind of hitting it off, but nothing's really snapping and going "this is the one". It's just "she'll work".

lol.
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any similar interests at all? do you like them?
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Get it bro.

i mean fuck it id say at least go on an actual IRL date, its not like youre making any kind of commitment. just see if yall vibe
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Why not just hang out with her and maybe fuck her? Getting back into the swing of things will make you way more confident.

Sounds like youre scared youll suck at sex after 7 years. You just gotta jump back in brah
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Yeah, going on a date isn't a marriage proposal. Texting gets real dull after a while. Go on an actual date and see how it goes.

Also... what exactly are you looking for?
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SSJCAT posted...

i mean fuck it id say at least go on an actual IRL date, its not like youre making any kind of commitment. just see if yall vibe

Well the problem with that is:

1. I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date. My relationships in high school were just going over to each other's houses and talking/banging. Literally nothing else.

2. Her implied date suggestions are just walking around town (we're in the fucking suburbs). I never do this so it's way out of my comfort zone for a first date, and frankly it's giving me a kind of trashy/loitery vibe all things considered. It's just a complete clash of personality in this regard.

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

SSJCAT posted...

i mean fuck it id say at least go on an actual IRL date, its not like youre making any kind of commitment. just see if yall vibe

Well the problem with that is:

1. I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date. My relationships in high school were just going over to each other's houses and talking/banging. Literally nothing else.

2. Her implied date suggestions are just walking around town (we're in the fucking suburbs). I never do this so it's way out of my comfort zone for a first date, and frankly it's giving me a kind of trashy/loitery vibe all things considered. It's just a complete clash of personality in this regard.

um just go out to eat or a bar or see a movie or something lol
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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

1. I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date.

Are you fucking serious?

Bro, you're acting like you have options. You acting like "Oh well this girl is kinda good but I think I can trade up for really good." and you have been on an actual date?

And you think you can get a good read on this girl?

If you want one night stands, just go to a bar or something.

If you're remotely interested in having a girlfriend, go on a date and see how it goes.

You also don't have to just go with what she wants. You're allowed to make suggestions as well.
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AsucaHayashi posted...

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

We've been texting for almost 3 weeks now without ever actually meeting up (she was out of town all last week which is part of it) and I guess we're kind of hitting it off, but nothing's really snapping and going "this is the one". It's just "she'll work".

lol.

Yeah... this^ lol

TC... you're gonna have to meet up with her. OF COURSE you aren't feeling sparks through text conversation. Get off your butt and arrange a meet up because until then you're going to keep hemming and hawing, esp if it's been 7yrs. You're at a point where it's easy to keep making excuses so you can stay in your comfort zone.

At least try.
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Just fucking go on a date. Sometimes it ain't all that serious. Sometimes you just have to plant a seed, grow it into a beautiful plant, and then you fuck the plant
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Being single for a long time is like being unemployed for a long time. It makes you look bad, it makes you look like something is wrong.

And just like jobs, most of the time the less desirable ones that you're able to attain need to be thought of as nothing more than a stepping stone to something better.
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SSJCAT posted...

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

SSJCAT posted...

i mean fuck it id say at least go on an actual IRL date, its not like youre making any kind of commitment. just see if yall vibe

Well the problem with that is:

1. I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date. My relationships in high school were just going over to each other's houses and talking/banging. Literally nothing else.

2. Her implied date suggestions are just walking around town (we're in the fucking suburbs). I never do this so it's way out of my comfort zone for a first date, and frankly it's giving me a kind of trashy/loitery vibe all things considered. It's just a complete clash of personality in this regard.

um just go out to eat or a bar or see a movie or something lol

Nah see those also don't work for me. Like, even with the "right" people a one-on-one activity is either a one-sided interrogation if she's extraverted or extreme awkward silence if we're both introverted (which we are). It's just not in me to traditionally date. I'm completely incompatible with it. My ideas for "dates" would be Netflix and chill but the biggest barrier there is that we both live with our parents. I'm planning on moving out later this year so it sucks that this happened now and not later.

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

SSJCAT posted...

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

SSJCAT posted...

i mean fuck it id say at least go on an actual IRL date, its not like youre making any kind of commitment. just see if yall vibe

Well the problem with that is:

1. I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date. My relationships in high school were just going over to each other's houses and talking/banging. Literally nothing else.

2. Her implied date suggestions are just walking around town (we're in the fucking suburbs). I never do this so it's way out of my comfort zone for a first date, and frankly it's giving me a kind of trashy/loitery vibe all things considered. It's just a complete clash of personality in this regard.

um just go out to eat or a bar or see a movie or something lol

Nah see those also don't work for me. Like, even with the "right" people a one-on-one activity is either a one-sided interrogation if she's extraverted or extreme awkward silence if we're both introverted (which we are). It's just not in me to traditionally date. I'm completely incompatible with it. My ideas for "dates" would be Netflix and chill but the biggest barrier there is that we both live with our parents. I'm planning on moving out later this year so it sucks that this happened now and not later.

quit making excuses and go on a damn date dawg
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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

It's just not in me to traditionally date. I'm completely incompatible with it.

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date.

You can't know the first one is true if the second is true.
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IfGodCouldDie posted...

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

It's just not in me to traditionally date. I'm completely incompatible with it.

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date.

You can't know the first one is true if the second is true.

I know what encompasses a date and it's pretty goddamn similar to just going out with friends, which I have experienced, and combined with my socialising style, which is another known variable, I can make a pretty accurate wager.

Okay so never go out on date ever and be alone forever
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Bro just go on a date at some coffee shop or whatever near your house. Bring her back to your house afterwards. Dont forget she was the one crushing on you and she asked your friend for your number.

Bottom line, she wants to fuck you and shes just looking for you to provide the right set of circumstances to make it happen, capn.

Suggest drinking at your place if you both are that introverted.
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Definitely just send her a message saying it's not gonna work out (or ghost, up2u) and move on. Like 100%
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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

IfGodCouldDie posted...

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

It's just not in me to traditionally date. I'm completely incompatible with it.

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date.

You can't know the first one is true if the second is true.

I know what encompasses a date and it's pretty goddamn similar to just going out with friends, which I have experienced, and combined with my socialising style, which is another known variable, I can make a pretty accurate wager.

Like I said you can't know 1 to be true if 2 is true.
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Touch posted...

Just fucking go on a date.

And stop making stupid fucking excuses.
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Umbreon posted...

Bro, you're acting like you have options. You acting like "Oh well this girl is kinda good but I think I can trade up for really good." and you have been on an actual date?

Well it's not exactly that, it's more like I just don't feel like wasting my time and effort on someone I don't really want because relationships take an immense amount of effort from me and I'm already going through a pretty stressful and exciting time in my life with a ton of changes going on. So if I'm going to do this, she needs to be step up from my usual, which I understand isn't likely.

The girls I want also aren't exactly the girls everyone wants. The kind of things that make a girl my type are not necessarily objectively desired qualities by all guys. My 8 could be most guys' 4, potentially.

This girl has nothing wrong with her, but there's nothing about her I actively want. She passes my "no's" but doesn't check off a single "yes", if that makes sense. She's just available.

Touch posted...

Okay so never go out on date ever and be alone forever

That was kinda the plan since about a year ago. I had already successfully gone through all 7 stages of grief and accepted my life as being fundamentally lonely in nature and that moving forward with it like so would make me happiest.

And then this happened.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpH4hhf4JZo" data-time="
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Okay TC ask yourself this.

What do I have to gain from asking this girl out? What do I have to lose?

And then ask yourself what you gain for doing nothing.
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Umbreon posted...

Okay TC ask yourself this.

What do I have to gain from asking this girl out? What do I have to lose?

And then ask yourself what you gain for doing nothing.

Gain: Some more relationship experience, some self esteem, a hole

Lose: Life goal focus, freedom, emotional security, personal time, availability for better opportunities

Gain for doing nothing: Load off my mind, comfort, back to the routine before getting emotionally invested

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

Lose: Life goal focus, freedom, emotional security, personal time, availability for better opportunities

The fuck?
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What exactly is your life goal?

If a "better opportunity" came along, what would it be like and what would you do to take it?
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Umbreon posted...

What exactly is your life goal?

If a "better opportunity" came along, what would it be like and what would you do to take it?

Well just life goals in general. Buying a house, getting promoted, fleshing out my interests, etc. Relationships put a strain on these things by virtue of being yet another facet of life maintenance. I try to keep things minimalist.

A better opportunity in this context would be a girl who has something about her I've always wanted and I would be much more inclined to take the steps out of my comfort zone to get her because she would be worth the trouble.

It's one date, at worst all you did was waste one day of your life, as best it'll be the start of something good. Go on the damn date, it's not a big deal.
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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

SSJCAT posted...

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

SSJCAT posted...

i mean fuck it id say at least go on an actual IRL date, its not like youre making any kind of commitment. just see if yall vibe

Well the problem with that is:

1. I've never once in my life actually gone on an actual date. My relationships in high school were just going over to each other's houses and talking/banging. Literally nothing else.

2. Her implied date suggestions are just walking around town (we're in the fucking suburbs). I never do this so it's way out of my comfort zone for a first date, and frankly it's giving me a kind of trashy/loitery vibe all things considered. It's just a complete clash of personality in this regard.

um just go out to eat or a bar or see a movie or something lol

Nah see those also don't work for me. Like, even with the "right" people a one-on-one activity is either a one-sided interrogation if she's extraverted or extreme awkward silence if we're both introverted (which we are). It's just not in me to traditionally date. I'm completely incompatible with it. My ideas for "dates" would be Netflix and chill but the biggest barrier there is that we both live with our parents. I'm planning on moving out later this year so it sucks that this happened now and not later.

So it's not in you to traditionally date, but a 'loss' if you try with this girl is that you lose availability for better opportunities?

There are no opportunities with your mindset.

You sound like someone that's absolutely unwilling to leave his comfort zone, and rationalizing things here to prevent having to do that. You haven't even had a real life conversation with this girl and you've already written her off. You gotta learn to get out there. Go on a date with her and expand your horizons a little at the very least. She may surprise you.
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Ooooooranges posted...

Go on a date with her and expand your horizons a little at the very least. She may surprise you.

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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

. Buying a house, getting promoted, fleshing out my interests, etc. Relationships put a strain on these things by virtue of being yet another facet of life maintenance

How would you even know? You've never been in an actual relationship, right? Unless anything more than "Fuck me, then leave" is too much maintenance for you.

Those are long term goals, you absolutely won't be delayed from those things by going on a singular date. Stop treating this like it's a marriage proposal. It's not that serious.

You don't know much about this girl because you haven actually spoken to her. Texting ain't shit. People are fake behind the screen. Even these words you are reading right now are coming from someone who would also be hesitant IRL.

As stated, there are no opportunity with your mindset. If you keep saying "Maybe later" or "I'll wait for someone better"? Well one day you'll be 70 and wonder why you never went on a date.

(That's not to say settle, but again this is just a date. Not that big a deal.)

Worst case scenario is that you find out she really isn't for you, and you don't make a second date. That doesn't magically set youe goals back by 10 years.
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I can't think of any date ideas that work when we both live with our parents and we work opposite hours with different days off, on top of everything else I've mentioned.

The texting has gone on for way too long and I'm dragging it into awkwardness territory for how much I've been stalling. She clearly isn't ever going to initiate the plans because she's just as shy as I am.

I mean...can you guys really not get where I'm coming from? I'm trying to fit a round peg in a square hole.

I don't know...

Deep down I really do want this but I know I'm incapable so I have to comfort myself with excuses that it's impossible...

RoboLaserGandhi posted...

I can't think of any date ideas that work when we both live with our parents and we work opposite hours with different days off, on top of everything else I've mentioned.

The texting has gone on for way too long and I'm dragging it into awkwardness territory for how much I've been stalling. She clearly isn't ever going to initiate the plans because she's just as shy as I am.

I mean...can you guys really not get where I'm coming from? I'm trying to fit a round peg in a square hole.

I don't know...

Deep down I really do want this but I know I'm incapable so I have to comfort myself with excuses that it's impossible...

If you really wanted to do it, deep down, you would.
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Damn bro, sorry :(
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are you embarrassed of your parents? is she? yall are both in the same situation so i dunno why ya gotta be ashamed about having her come over your house.

and you can drive right?

you know shes into you. fuckin at least try. come on dawg. you can do it
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Tc should just stay in his comfort zone and tell her off. He really doesn't deserve to have this chick crushing on him.
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I've passed on a handful of girlfriend opportunities over the past couple of years just because I don't feel like committing that much of my time and energy to maintaining a relationship right now.
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Lol, 27 isn't too old to have a fling
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RoboLaserGandhi posted...

I mean...can you guys really not get where I'm coming from? I'm trying to fit a round peg in a square hole.

I can. I'm asocial and never know what to say to a woman. Or anyone.

I've still found the courage to set up a date that went way the fuck out of my comfort zone.

Think about it this way. If the woman of your dreams came up to you right the fuck now, what would you do? Would you go for it? Set up a date?

Or would you stay home? Because you're uncomfortable. Because it would take effort and you don't know if it would work or not?

This girl may, or may not, be worth dating. You'll never know for sure just waiting around. Hell, consider it practice if you must.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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Just grab a coffee with her.

If you can't do that, then I don't know what to say. You need to stop making up shitty excuses and do it or you will go nowhere. And you don't want go nowhere, I've done it and the whole "making up excuses" and you want to at least take a chance to see where things may go.

Is it possible it doesn't work out? Certainly, but that is part of life. If you don't try things, then you will never know what may have been.
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