Poll of the Day > I fear that my little brother is/is becoming a NEET

(+) Yeah! (+)

Not employed, in education, or training

He turned 20 this summer. He doesn't have his license. He was enrolled in driver's ed when he turned 15 (or whatever the age requirement was/is), but never got his license. My mom said he doesn't like driving due to fear/stress. Ok, that's fine, I actually can understand that a little bit.

He has never held a real job. I mean, it is hard to hold a job when you can't drive, but I had a job when I was like 12 years old. I guess he sorta has a small job, in that he helps my mom every once in a while with her side business.

He has graduated from high school, and while he was in high school, he took college courses, and almost obtained his AA. I guess he might be a class or two away from getting his AA, which is why I hesitate to call him a neet, because he is pretty much where college students of his age are at (two years of college down). However, he hasn't taken a class in two years, which is when he graduated from high school.

He stays in his room often, plays video games, watches youtube, reads on his phone, etc. He rarely leaves the room, and he doesn't like to leave the house. He does exercise (I'm not sure how often) in my parents' downstairs weight room area.

I wonder if it is a confidence issue, or just laziness, or what. He did have a back surgery when he was in like the 8th grade, but he played sports after that, and I don't think it really affects him.

I'm not sure what, if anything, i should do
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Man I was a piece of shit in my twenties but I still paid rent, drove and had a job, all the while playing WoW near 24/7 learn to balance noobs.
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Maybe hes a late bloomer

They say a lot of young people are nowadays. If you decide to encourage him Id recommend being positive about it and focus on all the cool things hell be able to do with more independence.
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Offer to go outside with him?
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I guess I'm technically a NEET now, but I mean, I'm trying to get a job, so does it still count?

Chewster posted...

I guess I'm technically a NEET now, but I mean, I'm trying to get a job, so does it still count?

No

Get him laid

It wont make his life any better but at least it will prevent any incel murder sprees
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Mead posted...

Maybe hes a late bloomer

They say a lot of young people are nowadays. If you decide to encourage him Id recommend being positive about it and focus on all the cool things hell be able to do with more independence.

Yeah, I haven't mentioned it because I don't want to ruin our relationship.

I dont live with them, and live about 100+ miles away, so I'm not over too often, but I remember him trying (a little, not often) to get into making music (like beats and stuff). I guess he's trying to learn Japanese as well, but I don't know how hard he's working at either of those things (probably because I don't live with them).

I often ask my mom what he's up to, and she says that he helps her a little bit with her business, but in the week that I've been hear, I haven't seen him do anything for her (although the last time I was here, he probably helped her for about 2 hours, for the entire two weeks I visited).

It doesn't help that I have another brother, who is only one grade older, that has a full time job, has a YouTube channel/streams (and actually makes money off of it).

Basically it's as if one of the brothers has ambition, and the other doesn't. I wouldn't mind if the youngest brother was trying to follow his dreams or whatever, even if the out look on obtaining the dream is typically hard to reach (for example, something like being a pro athlete, or a famous actor, or something like that).
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SunWuKung420 posted...

Offer to go outside with him?

I do, he says no.

Chewster posted...

I guess I'm technically a NEET now, but I mean, I'm trying to get a job, so does it still count?

I know you graduated from college, and if you're actively seeking a job, you aren't a neet, imo.

Blighboy posted...

Get him laid

That's weird for me to think about, tbh
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Make post on /R9K/ trying to find him.
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I didn't bother to drive until then either, too expensive and didn't really need to go places. Who cares if you bloom late or not at all. You do you. Anyone who complains can go lick a pickle.

green dragon posted...

I do, he says no.

Try offering to drive.
I have a few friends who don't like driving so they never go out.

Just talk to him about it man. I don't know how close you are with your brother but I'm very open with mine. Mind you me and my bro are around the same age so it's more easy to be that way. I saw my older sister as more of a authority figure when she was with us then my sister due to the age gap if that makes sense so I wasn't as open with her but I took her advice more seriously due to that.
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show your brother this thread

knivesX2004 posted...

Try offering to drive.
I have a few friends who don't like driving so they never go out

I think it's implied that I would drive since he doesn't have his license. But it's like if I ask him to go to the gym to play b-ball, he says no (it isn't all the time), if I ask him if he wants to go to a restaurant to eat as a family, he says no. Hell, yesterday we as a family went to watch a movie, and we had to practically drag him out.

wwinterj25 posted...

Just talk to him about it man. I don't know how close you are with your brother but I'm very open with mine. Mind you me and my bro are around the same age so it's more easy to be that way. I saw my older sister as more of a authority figure when she was with us then my sister due to the age gap if that makes sense so I wasn't as open with her but I took her advice more seriously due to that.

There's about a 7 year gap between us. He's still pretty young, so I'm not super panicked or anything. Like, I'd rather him wait to find something he loves to do, than to go to school for something he hates, and to be in major debt because of student loans
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green dragon posted...

you aren't a neet

He has some kind of engineering degree, so he's definitely educated and is definitely not a NEET.
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I guess it depends on if we're using a more literal and traditional definition, or just talking about the colloquial definition that's used as an insult on the internet. For the latter, I'd say you aren't really a NEET unless you're content with that lifestyle and/or making no attempts to change it

But I feel like a huge loser anyway

Anyways I don't know really what you should do about your brother but maybe you can find some kind of recreational activity besides basketball that you both enjoy? You might be right about wanting to give him time instead of having him forced into some useless college program. I think just getting him used to the idea of wanting to get out of the house is a good start, that might change his desires naturally and it won't feel like you're trying to dictate his lifestyle.

Of course I know that's probably hard since you don't live near him.

Also I keep reading the topic title as "ISIS". At least your brother isn't doing that

Make him listen to time by Pink Floyd.

But for real, have a real discussion with him about life and nihilism. Get the answer out of him, what are your passions, and what do you want out of life?
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Miroku_of_Nite1 posted...

Make post on /R9K/ trying to find him.

>posting a board in all caps

kek

Real talk, TC, you said he was the youngest? Maybe he has some feelings about that and has some fright of not living up to the expectation set by you and your older brother, causing him to freeze? I don't know what 100+ miles really means, cause 101 miles is super easy to drive on a weekend to visit. Make some trips home every now and again and just hang out with the kid, doesn't have to be anything special, having familiar company can help to make your guys' relationship better which could open up communication later on about his life.

eating4fun posted...

Make him listen to time by Pink Floyd.

Fuck, that song always gets me right where it hurts.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

Get him a girlfriend. She'll straighten him out.
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eating4fun posted...

But for real, have a real discussion with him about life and nihilism. Get the answer out of him, what are your passions, and what do you want out of life?

maybe I'll try something like that

GanglyKhan posted...

Real talk, TC, you said he was the youngest? Maybe he has some feelings about that and has some fright of not living up to the expectation set by you and your older brother, causing him to freeze? I don't know what 100+ miles really means, cause 101 miles is super easy to drive on a weekend to visit. Make some trips home every now and again and just hang out with the kid, doesn't have to be anything special, having familiar company can help to make your guys' relationship better which could open up communication later on about his life.

yeah, let me be a little more clear on things since I was on my phone earlier.

There are 4 of us. birth order is my sister, me, brother, and my last brother (a 1 year age difference between my two brothers), whom this topic is about.

You may be right about the whole pressure thing. My sister and I both have our masters. She lives at home (though she has lived in different countries, and across the US). she doesn't have a job-job, but helps with my mom's side business (she works extremely hard at it). she volunteers a lot. she's kinda on the shy side.

I love across mountains, and it's about a three hour drive away from my home town. and in the winter, it's a pretty bad idea to try and cross the mountain passes. I am a teacher, so I come home pretty often when we have breaks.

We play video games together on weekends sometimes, so it's not like he's just getting the shaft or anything. Plus, all of my siblings live at home, so I'm kinda the odd man out.

My other brother (the third born child) and I are pretty out going, and the other siblings really aren't, so maybe that comes into play.
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GanonsSpirit posted...

Get him a girlfriend. She'll straighten him out.

idk man, to my knowledge he's never had a gf. and i hate setting people up
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green dragon posted...

My other brother (the third born child) and I are pretty out going, and the other siblings really aren't, so maybe that comes into play

Ok, so it sounds like he has a more shy and/or introverted kind of personality, so that's definitely a factor. From earlier posts, it also sounds like he does have interests and isn't just trying to fill his time, so that's a good "in" (as cold as that term may sound) for getting a good dialogue going, if that's your choice here. I also have a younger sibling and playing games online definitely reflected in his mood and led to us having personal conversations, albeit rarely, but this is also coming from someone who was raised in a family where everyone dealt with their own shit in private, so something like that was kind of notable.

I think that he's honestly on the fence between being on track and slipping behind. Most 20-somethings hit a lull, I know I did. I was the same way, fast track to getting my Associate's, one class away, didn't do it for another 18 months and I spent a lot of that time on non-rewarding hobbies. It happens to people, some guys just need breaks which looks like ups and downs. But really, everyone progresses at their own rates. If he's unchanged by like, late spring, I'd probably be more concerned, but a little extra time and attention will likely give you the answers to some of your possible concerns.

green dragon posted...

Not employed, in education, or training

Hmm. Sounds like me.
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