Poll of the Day > "Feel My Weight in Your Hands" Awesome Turtwig's sexual awakening.

(+) Yeah! (+)

- By Pk_Spam

@AwesomeTurtwig

Part 1

Turtwig could feel his breath heavy itself the moment he parked his car in front of the gun store. Gun shop? What was the proper name for a place you could get guns? An armory? No, that sounded too organized. Gun stores were literal boxed Red States that reveled in handing tools of war to anyone who could get past a rudimentary background check, or, failing that, anyone who could pay extra to bypass that entirely and just get one from sellers operating in totally legally gray areas. Or that shady guy from down the street. The fat one, with the fat kid he didn't feed properly. At least that guy smoked massive amounts of tree. Maybe he'd buy from him sometime.

People were starting to stare at Turtwig as he stood in front of his car, staring listlessly at the gun shop. His skin crawled. He really hoped those people didn't think he was there to shoot the place up. What good could that've been. Turtwig wasn't dumb enough to shoot up a gun store. That'd be murder. For him. Like, there'd be a billion better places to do that. Not that he ever thought of shooting places up! That'd be crazy! He didn't even have a gun. That's why he was here. Not that he was going to shoot up somewhere after getting a gun! And even if he did, he wouldn't... No! Dammit! He was doing it again. He was stalling himself. Putting one foot in front on the other, he forced himself to put up a confident front, an utter facade. Given the events that had transpired to him the last few days, he knew it was smart to get a gun to at least hide in a thingy on his leg. What was that thingy called? A satchel? A Gun Holderer? Who knew? That's why he was here, to finally man up, so to speak, and buy a weapon he could help defend himself with.

He even had a gun in mind.

"Excuse me," Turtwig peeped out to the man over the counter who had his back turned. The man didn't seem to hear him. "Excuse me, sir," he called out just a little louder.

"Huh?" the man finally turned around, and Turtwig finally got a sense of how large the man really was. Turtwig was left shaking in the man's shadow. He was like if two lifters ate each other and he was the combined multilayered poop they spat out. With an absolutely beautiful beard. And arms that would've blown everyone's minds at a... gun show... That was lame. Turtwig was lame. He'd need to try not to force out any shitty gun puns from here on out.

"Guns," Turtwig peeped out.

The man's head scanned the room, a perplexed look on his face.

"Yeah, we have those here." His voice was deep and gravely. A perfect compliment to his salt and pepper beard and neat, trim hair. "You know what you want, boy?"

Turtwig's boyhood quivered, though he didn't completely understand why. All of the blood was rushing to either two parts of his body. His head, evident by the rapidly reddening of his face and ears, and his butt. "H-h-h," dammit, he just couldn't spit it out. Luckily, he wrote down what he wanted on a piece of paper. He fumbled around in his back pocket and shoved the crumbled page into the man's chest, unintentionally grabbing a feel of the gun seller's ripped, bulging muscles.

The man's eyes scanned the piece of paper. "You want..." there was uncertainty in his voice. "A Hummingbird pistol? One of those tiny little toy guns? Boy, are you serious here?"

Call me boy again, daddy.

What? No. Stop that.

"I... uh... I thought it'd be an easy gun to hide and pull out whenever I needed it. I had a... bad experience the other day and I..."

"Boy," The gun seller rested his hairy, muscular forearms on the table. "Come with me," he said with a wink. "I'll help you out. Follow me out back. I'll show you how to work your hands on a real piece.
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Hit the word cap and I'm cooking. Didn't proofread because I didn't care.

To be continued with sexy gun puns later tonight ;)
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Oh boy! I'm excited.

Its here! Gonna save this for after work. Thanks, Shark.
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Sarcasthma posted...

Its here! Gonna save this for after work. Thanks, Shark.

Ive been trying to train myself to write ALL the time now, so Im thinking that maybe I can write nonsense for here, where people will actually read it. 90% of my other projects probably arent gonna be read by important people for a long while.

But its good to know that some people here look forward to the crap I churn out.
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Lmao
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This is libel, take it down immediately snowflake

CacciatoPart2 posted...

Lmao

Fun fact, the little line about the gun seller being some conglomeration of two lifters who ate each other comes from a post I made about you a loooooonnnnggggg time ago. I think.

Im trying to sneak in hints to as many posters as I can. Some subtle. Some not.
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PK_Spam posted...

CacciatoPart2 posted...

Lmao

Fun fact, the little line about the gun seller being some conglomeration of two lifters who ate each other comes from a post I made about you a loooooonnnnggggg time ago. I think.

Im trying to sneak in hints to as many posters as I can. Some subtle. Some not.

Lol, was it me and Clench? I didnt catch it at first but it sounds familiar now.
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Andromicus posted...

This is libel, take it down immediately snowflake

I can make smutty fanfiction of whoever I want. In fact, Im gonna do it to you and Im gonna do it right now.

Part 1

Andromicus absolutely loved getting spit roasted by big women wearing beards. Every day.

The end
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CacciatoPart2 posted...

Lol, was it me and Clench? I didnt catch it at first but it sounds familiar now.

More like Clench and Zuc and Jack all ate each other and you were their inhuman spawn
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well i love this
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PK_Spam posted...

CacciatoPart2 posted...

Lol, was it me and Clench? I didnt catch it at first but it sounds familiar now.

More like Clench and Zuc and Jack all ate each other and you were their inhuman spawn

Ill take it.
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wait are we getting the good poll of the day storys back like the old days/

like the ones with clench beta male and others
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BlazeAndBlade posted...

wait are we getting the good poll of the day storys back like the old days/

like the ones with clench beta male and others

If reception stays this good, and I keep my own word on never going more than two hours without wordsmithing, Ill consider it!
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do you have a favorite of all the stories posted here in the past?
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One of the few that I remember are my ICOYAR X Clench one. A bunch of people said it was legitimately well written.

I also remember a short one where that Alpha/beta guy got pushed around a sweaty lockerroom by... Shadow sword?

Also one with Jen and RC where the entire comedic climax was them kissing each other on the cheek, and then the text going And it was hot.
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BlazeAndBlade posted...

do you have a favorite of all the stories posted here in the past?

The Jen/RC lesbian pothead romance one was pretty good.
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Im glad you remember that one! I think that was one of the better ones young me cranked out.

Honestly, it does my heart good knowing that people here sometimes remember the stuff I did forever ago.
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PK_Spam posted...

I also remember a short one where that Alpha/beta guy got pushed around a sweaty lockerroom by... Shadow sword?

It was probably the other Shadow-named person here, they were going to get in a fight and one of the nerds backed down.

I was never apart of your stories.

lol yeah remember beta male thinking naughty thoughts about shadowsword then saying no homo
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Nope, wrong person.

Part Eye-Eye

The gun shop was totally empty, and, as Mr. Gun said as they headed to the back room, it was close to closing anyway, so he felt fine locking up the place so no one else could disturb them. Oh, Mr. Gun was the nickname Turtwig gave the man. He felt weird asking Mr. Gun what his name was. Especially when he knew he'd blush uncontrollably and do that thing where he gave the other person his last name while he thought of a wedding. A beautiful dutch wedding.

"I'm ICOYAR, by the way," the gun shop guy said.

Fuck!

And here came the thought of ICOYAR, the buff wall of muscle in a suit. And Turtwig, his small, frail body, draped in only the most elegant robes. And ICOYAR tearing them all off after the ceremony.

The very thought of that made Turtwig shudder. It felt like more than half of the blood in his body had shot to his butt already. He didn't know how much of this he could handle. Was he going to be okay?

"So you said you wanted a Hummingbird. I don't really have anything like that here, but I do have..." ICOYAR was leaning into a box now, giving Turtwig a brief view of the man's behind. Even his butt, the most forbidden, dirtiest area was perfect. Not that Turtwig would ever touch that. Turtwig was a bottom. "This!"

He was snapped out of his daydream to see ICOYAR holding a gun, and a hefty one at that. Much too big for Turtwig to strap to his leg with a harness! Oh! The gun holderer thing was called a HARNESS! Wow he was dumb. Jesus christ how could he forget that word.

"Boy. Boy!"

Turtwig snapped out of his thoughts again. This was becoming a serious problem. There was almost no blood left in his brain anymore. All of his body was cold. Except for his butt. Why was ICOYAR, with his big, hairy muscles, and his beautiful full beard and natural charisma and, now that he thought of it, natural musk? Was ICOYAR wearing cologne? Because it didn't smell like it, but he smelled intoxicating nonetheless.

"Yo!" ICOYAR's finger's snapped in front of Turtwig's face. "You looking a little pale there."

"I'm sorry," Turtwig spat out. "I'm just..." Screw it, not like he had much of a chance with ICOYAR anyway. He was going to say what he felt, and if the man responded well, then great, he could use him to relieve the pressure he felt in his butt, and if he didn't, he could go home and relieve the butt pressure by himself. Either way, he wouldn't fall in love with the man. Or anyone. Because he was a dark boy, with a dark past who could never love, or be loved by anyone. That was just the way he was. And he'd never change.

This was it.

Turtwig opened his mouth. "I need you," he put his hands on ICOYAR's chest. "Right now. Take me. Please."

ICOYAR's eyes glimmered. Could Turtwig sense a hint of some complex feelings welling up in there? Must've been lust. He pulled this trick with men like @green_dragon and @ZiggiStardust, one of his repeat, though very ashamed, customers. @sophieluvstofu too, but he was long gone. ICOYAR was his.

"Sorry boy," ICOYAR said with a genuine smile. "I'm a married man. With kids." his eyes, for just a moment, seemed to look down, longingly. "I can't... I can't do that."

"Oh, sorry."

With that, Turtwig grabbed his belongings and began to leave. He would have to relieve his butt at home after all.

"But, I would love to teach you about guns tomorrow," ICOYAR called out. "And the next day! And the day after that. Some come back, alright? Boy?"

Turtwig flashed an almost pure smile. "Yeah. Okay! See you tomorrow."

The blood left Turtwig's butt on its own that night. The first time it had ever done that.

@TheWorstPoster
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Expect more nonsense after all my adult duties are done tomorrow. Maybe. Can't say how reliable I'll be at any moment that's not right now.
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Imagine ICO married.
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Kyuubi4269 posted...

Imagine ICO married.

This is an AU where Icoyar is a handsome, intelligent, successful, muscular man who grooms properly. And is, according to my story's lore, is canonically 7'2" and 300 lbs. But all of that weight in muscle.
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Lmao

PK_Spam posted...

Kyuubi4269 posted...

Imagine ICO married.

This is an AU where Icoyar is a handsome, intelligent, successful, muscular man who grooms properly. And is, according to my story's lore, is canonically 7'2" and 300 lbs. But all of that weight in muscle.

How much of that weight is phat dicc
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I-I dont think I can read a thing like this!
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he also owns a gun shop so a job in that alternate universe
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Oh boy, i can't wait to read this.
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PK_Spam posted...

Kyuubi4269 posted...

Imagine ICO married.

This is an AU where Icoyar is a handsome, intelligent, successful, muscular man who grooms properly. And is, according to my story's lore, is canonically 7'2" and 300 lbs. But all of that weight in muscle.

There is no universe where ICO is attractive-

BlazeAndBlade posted...

he also owns a gun shop so a job in that alternate universe

Or employed.
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