Current Events > My mother... died. Will you guys help me?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I don't think it was meant to be a ha ha funny story, but I do get the humor in it. Thanks for sharing Blitz.

No it's not really a haha funny story, I see it as the ultimate irony to me. She was killed the same day she was given a new lease on life, it shows how tenuous life can be sometimes.
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and how unscripted.

My grandpa had a sister who never married. My grandma used to complain all the time that "Frieda wasn't going to come live with them" because she had no children to help her. Well, grandma and grandpa both passed away long before Aunt Frieda did. Aunt Frieda went to an adult foster care home to live when she couldn't take care of herself anymore. On her 96th birthday she went to lunch with some of her friends from church -- they went to Big Boy, had lunch and then was driven home. When they got to the adult foster care house they found Aunt Frieda had passed away in the car on the ride home -- no pain, no nothing -- she had had a nice time with her friends and that was it. I always wished my grandma would have somehow known it would be this way because she was never nice to Aunt Frieda. But haha on grandma and yea Aunt Frieda.

My condolences TC
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I'm sorry. That's always a rough one.

Admittedly I'm probably a bad source of comfort. When my mother passed it didn't take me too long to get closure.

Honor her somehow. Shortly after my mother passed I gave $500 to a friend for new glasses using her inheritance. Felt really good.
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xBloodBrotherx posted...

Blitz4532 posted...

I'm really sorry to hear this sable, I'm hopeful that you're able to get some form of closure out of this when it is all said and done. If it helps, I have a funny tradgedy that (hopefully) might help a little.

My grandmother was the sweetest woman in the world to me. She was a tiny little firecracker of a woman who barely spoke English, yet could communicate by just wildly gesturing.

She had breast cancer, she had a mastectomy and underwent treatments. One day, she goes to the same hospital for a routine checkup and was found to be completely cured! To celebrate, her and her best friend went out for dinner. As they were walking back, she was hit by a car and killed deader than a banker's heart. It was all over in an instant.

She died on the same day she finally beat cancer.

Here's the second kicker; she died on exactly the same day her eldest brother did, 60 years later to the day & almost the same time of day.

Life...life really has a way of fucking with us sometimes. As an undertaker, I see the stories of people who wished they could have said they loved someone just one more time. Ultimately, we get the chances we get. I bet my bottom dollar your mom knew you loved her, I like to think I know you well enough to know that.

How is that a funny story, wtf

If he finds it humorous or ironic that's on him.

IMO you can never criticize someone's reaction to the death of a loved one, we all process things differently.
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I cleaned out my mom's house a little today. My sister and my grandma helped. We made a list of furniture we want to keep, sell, or throw away. We also sorted some things and made some plans to get a dumpster for the trash and a truck to move the furniture. I hope we can get the big stuff out the door.
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Solid Sonic posted...

xBloodBrotherx posted...

Blitz4532 posted...

I'm really sorry to hear this sable, I'm hopeful that you're able to get some form of closure out of this when it is all said and done. If it helps, I have a funny tradgedy that (hopefully) might help a little.

My grandmother was the sweetest woman in the world to me. She was a tiny little firecracker of a woman who barely spoke English, yet could communicate by just wildly gesturing.

She had breast cancer, she had a mastectomy and underwent treatments. One day, she goes to the same hospital for a routine checkup and was found to be completely cured! To celebrate, her and her best friend went out for dinner. As they were walking back, she was hit by a car and killed deader than a banker's heart. It was all over in an instant.

She died on the same day she finally beat cancer.

Here's the second kicker; she died on exactly the same day her eldest brother did, 60 years later to the day & almost the same time of day.

Life...life really has a way of fucking with us sometimes. As an undertaker, I see the stories of people who wished they could have said they loved someone just one more time. Ultimately, we get the chances we get. I bet my bottom dollar your mom knew you loved her, I like to think I know you well enough to know that.

How is that a funny story, wtf

If he finds it humorous or ironic that's on him.

IMO you can never criticize someone's reaction to the death of a loved one, we all process things differently.

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We... found our Christmas presents in her closet. She got my sister a charging cable for Android, a flashlight, and some other little things. She got my grandma, her mom, some sticky note pads. She got me a sequin pillow that adjusts to two colors depending which way the sequins are facing, a key chain, a mint tin with my name on it in the style of a Pennsylvania license plate, a reversible charging cable compatible with Android and iPhone, and an iPod Shuffle with my name engraved on the back. I'll treasure them forever... because they're the last Christmas gifts I'll ever get from her.
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Do you live in Pennsylvania?
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DragonGirlYuki posted...

Do you live in Pennsylvania?

Yes.
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SableWolfAngel posted...

an iPod Shuffle with my name engraved on the back

Make a playlist of songs that make you think of her.
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DarkChozoGhost posted...

SableWolfAngel posted...

an iPod Shuffle with my name engraved on the back

Make a playlist of songs that make you think of her.

I'm gonna do exactly that now that I know how to use iTunes.
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Oh mommy, I really needed you last night. I got locked out of my apartment building because the front door of the building froze shut. I tried to get in through my bedroom windows since I always keep them unlocked in case this happens, but those were frozen shut, too. I hid in the laundry room of my building since it's always heated, but I couldn't do that forever. I tried calling the fire department, but they weren't answering. I tried calling the police, but they said they didn't have the authority to break down the door since I didn't own the property. Finally, I found an empty detergent bottle in the laundry room and filled it with hot water from the sink and tried pouring it on my window and the door, but that didn't work and only made things worse once that water froze. I was able to get my fingers just barely under my one window, but couldn't get it open. I went to my car and took out this giant screwdriver I had in the glove compartment and with a lot of force, I was able to pop open my one window and dove into it, landing on my bed. But what would have happened if I couldn't do that? I would have been stuck outside my apartment with nowhere to go and I don't have enough money to stay in a motel. Oh mommy, why did you leave me? I still need you...
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Well that fucking sucks, I'm glad you got in though. I had to spend a winter mostly in my car once and that was pretty rough but it was probably colder there than it was where I was when I had to do that.
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I'm only just seeing this topic for the first time, so that's why I didn't comment sooner. You have my deepest condolences, TC.

I also lost my mother when I was young (although too young to have really known her well) so I know some of the pain you're going through and will potentially feel in the future. But in other ways, I have no idea what you're going through, because you lost your father too, and I can't imagine what it's like not having either one around. All I can say is that you have the strength to make it through this trying time, even if it may not seem like it at first. You'll be okay. I believe in you.
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Sometimes I wonder about people. A coworker/friend came to visit me to console me about this, but apparently I was rude to her because she thought I was insulting her for having parents. I wasn't and was probably just expressing how lucky I felt she was or how unfair my circumstances are. Instead of telling me, she bitched about it to one of our other coworkers and the other coworker just told me how upset she was. I'm grieving and my emotions are erratic. If I said anything rude, it wasn't intentional and she just took it the worst possible way. That makes me apprehensive to confide in friends now. They just don't understand, how could they? I have to internalize my feelings and find another outlet, I guess...
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SableWolfAngel posted...

Sometimes I wonder about people. A coworker/friend came to visit me to console me about this, but apparently I was rude to her because she thought I was insulting her for having parents. I wasn't and was probably just expressing how lucky I felt she was or how unfair my circumstances are. Instead of telling me, she bitched about it to one of our other coworkers and the other coworker just told me how upset she was. I'm grieving and my emotions are erratic. If I said anything rude, it wasn't intentional and she just took it the worst possible way. That makes me apprehensive to confide in friends now. They just don't understand, how could they? I have to internalize my feelings and find another outlet, I guess...

I'm sorry that happened and I don't know why if something you said bothered her she didn't just say it to you right then, let alone told other people. I know that's rough and I already have a bunch of trust issues of my own from things like that, but internalizing your emotions is the worst thing you could do.
I know it's not ideal but if you need to maybe even find someone with a degree of separation from your life that you can talk to so you don't have to worry about anything like that. Even if it's just a friend you've made on here over the years or something. Someone you trust but not necessarily someone close enough to your life that you'd really have anything to worry about. It's not as ideal as being able to talk to someone in person but it's better than just bottling it all up.
And for whatever it's worth, if you ever don't have anyone to talk to but feel like you need to I don't mind helping in any way I can just for listening, or offering any advice I'm about to. I actually have a topic about it on my board that anyone can message me if they ever need anyone to talk to. Not sure how much help I'd be though, some of the people I've talked to so far I've seemingly been more helpful with than others.
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*hugs*
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So the detective in charge of my mother's case called me. He's doing everything he can and will tell me of any news. They're still analyzing my mom's cell phone.
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First day of school without my mommy. It feels really eerie, like something just isn't right. I also feel more distanced from my fellow students and classmates because they all have their parents waiting for them at home. Well, most of them, I think.

Smile upon me, mommy. School is scary without you. I love you so much.
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It sounds like you just feel really isolated and alone in what you're going through, so maybe going to places like this would show you that you necessarily aren't, and also give you an outlet:

GriefShare: Christian faith-based grief support groups for people grieving the loss of a family member or friend. Groups meet at dozens of local churches. Locations and information at www.griefshare.org or 800-395-5755.

http://www.post-gazette.com/news/health/2016/03/17/Grief-Resources/stories/201603130006
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Damn That sucks Sable. You sound really fucked up over this. All I can tell you is it gets easier... well it doesn't but you learn to adjust.
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SableWolfAngel posted...

So the detective in charge of my mother's case called me. He's doing everything he can and will tell me of any news. They're still analyzing my mom's cell phone.

Wait, your mother was KILLED? Thats much different. I thought she died naturally.

Sorry I wasnt aware. I feel like I havent been responding to you properly, knowing that.
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FrankIin posted...

It sounds like you just feel really isolated and alone in what you're going through, so maybe going to places like this would show you that you necessarily aren't, and also give you an outlet:

GriefShare: Christian faith-based grief support groups for people grieving the loss of a family member or friend. Groups meet at dozens of local churches. Locations and information at www.griefshare.org or 800-395-5755.

http://www.post-gazette.com/news/health/2016/03/17/Grief-Resources/stories/201603130006

Um, thanks Hoth, but I'm not Christian. But thank you.

Johnny_Nutcase posted...

Damn That sucks Sable. You sound really fucked up over this. All I can tell you is it gets easier... well it doesn't but you learn to adjust.

That's what everyone keeps telling me...

Solid Sonic posted...

SableWolfAngel posted...

So the detective in charge of my mother's case called me. He's doing everything he can and will tell me of any news. They're still analyzing my mom's cell phone.

Wait, your mother was KILLED? Thats much different. I thought she died naturally.

Sorry I wasnt aware. I feel like I havent been responding to you properly, knowing that.

Well, she wasn't murdered. But she was killed. That's what happens when you get bad heroin from a bad guy.
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SableWolfAngel posted...

FrankIin posted...

It sounds like you just feel really isolated and alone in what you're going through, so maybe going to places like this would show you that you necessarily aren't, and also give you an outlet:

GriefShare: Christian faith-based grief support groups for people grieving the loss of a family member or friend. Groups meet at dozens of local churches. Locations and information at www.griefshare.org or 800-395-5755.

http://www.post-gazette.com/news/health/2016/03/17/Grief-Resources/stories/201603130006

Um, thanks Hoth, but I'm not Christian. But thank you.

You don't necessarily be Christian to benefit from it. I'm not a Christian and I work with a ministry involved in many things, a homeless shelter, food bank, community service programs, non profit thrift store, etc. Some groups push the religious side of things more than others, and if you check around you might be able to find something more secular. If you think there's any chance of a grief management group helping you at all it wouldn't hurt to just dip your toes in the water and got to one, even if it's religion based just to check it out, not like you've got anything to lose or any obligation to go back or even stay through the first time if they turn out to be heavy handed with the Christian aspect.
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I never thought of it that way. I guess I'll try it. My mommy was Christian so she'd be happy with it either way.
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If it's something you decide to do hopefully you get a good group and it helps you in some way just so you don't feel alone with what you're going through.
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I'm not Christian either, and also I'm not Hoth =p but this:

Gamer99z posted...

If it's something you decide to do hopefully you get a good group and it helps you in some way just so you don't feel alone with what you're going through.

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I set up a GoFundMe to help with the funeral expenses and final expenses. Too bad it's against the rules to post something like that here, huh?
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I had a long and vivid dream about my mommy last night. It was comforting to see her again.
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SableWolfAngel posted...

I set up a GoFundMe to help with the funeral expenses and final expenses. Too bad it's against the rules to post something like that here, huh?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure anything like that is moddable unfortunately.

SableWolfAngel posted...

I had a long and vivid dream about my mommy last night. It was comforting to see her again.

I'm glad it was comforting to you. I'd never experience anything like that because I practically never remember my dreams at all.
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Gamer99z posted...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure anything like that is moddable unfortunately.

Yup. A guy on PotD got modded for something similar when his wife died in a car wreck. >_>
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I must have a weird brain because I always remember my dreams. They start to fade after a few weeks, but I can usually remember bits and pieces for the long term.
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leverageblargh posted...

SableWolfAngel posted...

I set up a GoFundMe to help with the funeral expenses and final expenses. Too bad it's against the rules to post something like that here, huh?

Unfortunately yes. Unless you find a private board with trusted people.

Regardless CE wouldn't be the best place for it even if it was allowed. Better options-

https://www.crowdcrux.com/places-share-gofundme-link/

How very helpful of you. I'll look into this.
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=/

Kamala_Harris posted...

=/

It's a little more serious than that, but yes. It's the worst situation I've ever been in.
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Sooooooo as we've been looking through my mom's junk, we found this old drum. I guess my mom was part of this cult that cooked food with solar energy, didn't use toilet paper, met in secret, and ordained me as a Princess when I was just an infant. Why is my life so weird?
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SableWolfAngel posted...

Sooooooo as we've been looking through my mom's junk, we found this old drum. I guess my mom was part of this cult that cooked food with solar energy, didn't use toilet paper, met in secret, and ordained me as a Princess when I was just an infant. Why is my life so weird?

0_0 well that's definitely something...
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Imma take the drum home.
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SableWolfAngel, I'll admit, my grandmother died a few months ago and Christmas felt a little lonely without her. My mind kept drifting to you, a complete stranger, and what you had to be going through.
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BB mofo posted...

SableWolfAngel, I'll admit, my grandmother died a few months ago and Christmas felt a little lonely without her. My mind kept drifting to you, a complete stranger, and what you had to be going through.

We must be kindred souls. I feel your pain. The bitter winter has swallowed more lives and chilled the hearts of those left behind. We're not strangers anymore, my dear.
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Waaah! I don't know what to say....cold and dark unforgiving world! You hurt my friends too...
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Kuja_88 posted...

Waaah! I don't know what to say....cold and dark unforgiving world! You hurt my friends too...

Uh, yeah. Basically this.
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We got my mom's ashes back from the funeral home. They're heavier than I thought they'd be. But they did come in a nice box with a nice velvet bag around it. Plenty to spread around to family members. It's hard to believe she's gone, but I guess this makes it real. Her body is gone and so is her spirit. I just have to accept it.
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You gotta keep some ashes yourself or spread them somewhere?
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Foppe posted...

You gotta keep some ashes yourself or spread them somewhere?

Keep some, spread some. There's enough for everyone. My mom was, um, a big lady.
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Ya feeling better?
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Touch posted...

Ya feeling better?

A little bit. I'm still super stressed about having to clear out her house, especially since my family is dragging their asses on it. They need to be there everyday to work on it, but they only seem motivated to do it when I'm there. It's really bothering me.
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