LogFAQs > #979782762

So, first of all, start planning on how you can move out and live on your own. You need an escape plan in case things deteriorate too much, or in case you eventually just can't take the status quo. If you think this isn't fair to your grandmother, think back to how she was before her stroke. Would that person want the person she is now to be abusing you? The answer is probably no, and if it is a yes, your grandmother was never a particularly good person, and we've circled back to "how to plan to escape".

You should try and speak with a mental health professional to work on the stress and maybe to help you plan. When relatives get older and struggle, or when there is a serious flare up of mental illness (that's what this honestly sounds like from my experience), you may reach a breaking point where you can't help any more. That's the point where other relatives or your grandma's partner have to step up. If they can't, then your grandmother may need in-home assistance or to be institutionalized (don't know how that works in the UK).

You cannot give people things you don't have. I firmly believe that people are too individualistic and too selfish in general, but there is definitely a point, and there are definitely circumstances, where it's time to tap out. It doesn't have to be now, but you should start planning for when it is time, especially if you notice a pattern of deterioration.