LogFAQs > #978917172

- Frog Suit Tier
Lou Albano
Practice Makes Perfect (Legacy X)
Blindfolded Mario Maker Guy
Mario Bros.: You thought I was going to screw up and rank SMB1, but you've got another thing coming. I never liked this game as a kid, but I was also really bad at it. It's strange how much this game added to the Mario lore. Luigi, turtles, traveling through pipes, coins, fireballs, POW blocks... I guess that's actually it. This is also the only game where traveling through pipes actually makes sense, since you're in a sewer. I enjoy how every few games, Mario makes the weakest, lamest attempt to remind you that he's a plumber, by fixing a pipe or something in the opening of the game. Strange how the turtles come back in all later games, but the crabs and flies are just left in the wastebin of history.
Torpedo Ted
WarioWare
Lakilester
NBA Street V3
Mario Paint: You know, Mario has a reputation for whoring himself out to any game idea ever, but after about 1998, he really stopped doing that. Even though he's in like twelve games per year, they're always at least okay. There're no more Mario Paints or Mario's Time Machines shitting things up. And don't tell me that Mario Paint was your childhood favorite game or whatever, I know you're lying. I admit that it has more functionality than you'd expect, and the mouse controller is neat, but even in the 90s, you could do all of this with just MS Paint.
Fat Yoshi
LUEshi: Our modern memes completely destroy these ancient memes. It's like, even if you took Isaac Newton, the breadth and depth of what he knows compared to an average modern scientist is much weaker simply because we've had so much more time to improve our science... I mean, memes. I also just noticed only now that it's Mario and not Luigi.
Donkey Kong Jr. (1982)

- Poison Mushroom Tier
Mario Teaches Typing
Pink Gold Peach
Pachinko Game (SMS)
Yakuman DS
Wendy O. Koopa: I know what you're doing, war. You're trying to get the last place on my list. You're going to have to do a hell of a lot better than Wendy O. Koopa. It's true that she's gross and I hate her, but she's nowhere near as gross as Birdo. Yes, both of them are like disgusting parodies of femininity. Wendy's got these gross puffy pink oval lips that are the same color as her high heels (imagine wearing shoes the exact same color as your lipstick), but that's nowhere near as disgusting as Birdo's mouth. The thing about Wendy is, if you're going to make a villain who parodies femininity, you need to go full-blast. You need her to be like a sexy sorceress or something who briefly tries to seduce the main character, then gets offended when he's not interested, and turns into a crazy witch who throws fireballs at you. Or you need to be like Grunty from Banjo-Kazooie, where she's hideous and has no motive except to be pretty again. Wendy has none of that, she's just there and gross, but not as gross as Birdo, so she's way more forgettable. Like, it was obviously wise to not make Wendy a sexy witch when she's just one of Bowser's random minions who gets instantly defeated in a level you don't even remember, and obviously if you're not going to give her any special attention, then she can only really have one personality trait, and her trait is that she's a girl. Really, that just brings us back to the Koopalings in general, who are all complete nothings. Like, don't even bother nominating any of the other Koopalings, because they're all just getting immediately shunted into the low, but not lowest, tiers.
Hotel Mario Cutscenes
Mario Galaxy 2 Glitch

- Blue Shell Tier
Birdo

- Veto
Mario Pinball Land: Never played it! The only video game pinball game I've played is Pokemon Pinball. I played the shit out of that game as a kid.