LogFAQs > #978914854

- Super Mushroom Tier
Hide and Seek mods
Donkey Kong (1981)
Tonkachi Mario
Trials of Death: I didn't realize the video was made by the guy who made the level. Okay, listen. I generally dislike kaizo games. I generally dislike romhacks where the sole purpose is to be balls-bustingly hard. But I can respect the idea of making the HARDEST level. Not merely a hard one, but the actual #1 hardest one, and spending 2500 hours trying to beat it, taking so long that the Mario Maker servers are taken offline and no one else will ever be able to play it. It's a level of single-minded insanity that I don't want to be near, but I can I sort of respect it. The level itself looks like complete garbage nonsense, though. I hate playing that kind of stuff. And I skipped the part of the video that was just youtubers I don't know overreacting to him beating it. Who watches reaction videos?
Anya Taylor-Joy
Kublai Khan

- Frog Suit Tier
Lou Albano
Practice Makes Perfect (Legacy X): I won't lie to you, I don't like or know much about rap. When I was a teacher, kids asked me to name five rappers off the top of my head. All I could come up with was Kanye West, Eminem, Coolio, P-Diddy, and Will Smith. I can't think of any type of music that has less to do wtih Mario than rap. As far as rap goes, though, this is okay.
Blindfolded Mario Maker Guy
Torpedo Ted
WarioWare: Here's the thing. I don't really like minigames. I like them occasionally, and I like the really, really good ones, like blitzball and Septuple Scare, or whatever the FF8 card game is called, I'm not looking it up. But they need to be REALLY good. That's why I'm not really a Mario Party guy, either. So a game that is nothing except super short minigames, none of which are like super polished? I dunno. At least it gives Wario something to do, I guess. Wario is more philosophically interesting than he is interesting as an actual character.
Lakilester
NBA Street V3
Fat Yoshi: Was this in the original game? I had to look it up. Feed a baby yoshi 30 yoshie cookies to make him fat, and he'll give you items. I mean, okay? I feel completely ambivalent about this.
Donkey Kong Jr. (1982): No one on Earth feels strongly about this game, and that's fine. It's notable for two things: the deep lore of the Donkey Kong series, about whether DK Jr. is the modern Donkey Kong or whether he's a separate character, and being Mario's only appearance as a villain. Again, imagine Nintendo today gallavantly using its properties like this, doing weird things like making the hero of one game the villain of the next. It would never happen. But yeah, anyway, no one on Earth cares about DK Jr, and no one ever will. He's also really ugly as a character. The game IS more functional than Mario Teaches Typing, though.

- Poison Mushroom Tier
Mario Teaches Typing
Pink Gold Peach: I remember when this came out. It's sort of the ultimate example of lazily adding fake characters to video games, even moreso than Mortal Kombat's palette swap ninjas, because at least those required someone to write backstories for them. At least Baby Rosalina required someone to model her. I'm pretty sure that if I had the Mario Kart model for regular Peach, that I could make Pink Gold Peach. And the fact that she's Pink Gold Peach, and not even just Gold Peach, somehow makes her even lamer. But like Waluigi, Pink Gold Peach is enhanced by her lameness and the laziness she embodies. I have to believe that someone said "we need a second heavyweight human female for girls to play as besides Rosalina," and when they realized the only human woman left was Pauline, they just pooped this out instead. I guess this is better than just inventing a new human character for spinoffs. God, they really lucked out with Daisy already existing.
Pachinko Game (SMS)
Yakuman DS: Alright, let's see what this is... Mahjong? Motherfucker, do you think I care about mahjong in the slightest? I can't think of anything I care less about. Let's at least see the Mario characters' official skill at mahjong. Goomba has a 1 star, Luigi has a 3 star, Toadette is killing it at 4 stars... I don't know if I buy Bowser Jr at 4 stars, he's always seemed like an imbecile. Toadsworth at five stars makes complete sense, though, he's like the only character who would plausibly have the time and inclination to get good at board games.
Hotel Mario Cutscenes
Mario Galaxy 2 Glitch: It took me a while to realize the glitch. If you go into this pipe, and then back through it, there will be a big black void where there wasn't one before? I... don't care at all. It's just some weird oversight. They were going to include something there, they removed it, but they didn't fully remove all traces of it. Fine. Unless it's usable for some speedrunning thing?

- Blue Shell Tier
Birdo: I don't know if I want to get into the gender issue with Birdo, I guess I have to because it's the only thing this character is remembered for. I mean, let's not even address how this creature is not a bird at all. It is clearly some kind of reptile. Trying to read the gender tab of Birdo's wiki is insane because of how it tries to address the official sentences that say "he" while still using "she." I don't know, I'll be honest with you, even independent of any gender stuff, this character is gross. Even as a kid, I did not like Birdo. The spinoffs tried to pair her (I'm just going to use female pronouns) up with Yoshi because they're both humanoid reptile things, and like... I felt bad for him? You know what Birdo reminds me of, it's Q-Bert. It's the giant snout hole. And I hate Q-Bert! Q-Bert is gross. Whatever animals in real life have mouths like this, I don't want to be near them. Like, I'm sorry, but the original concept of this character was clearly to be a parody/insult toward trans people by being a gross monster man who wants to be a cute girl, and has just stuck around on the Mario series like a polyp. Would anyone be sad if this character just stopped showing up forever? Would the series be diminished in any way if I went back in time and replaced Birdo's boss fights in SMB2 with just, I don't know, a really big goomba or something? Is this a character trans people try to reclaim the way I know some do certain characters in Danganronpa or Persona? Because I want nothing to do with Birdo at all, it's definitely my least favorite 'main' Mario character. Unless someone finds something worse, which, I don't know, maybe you can.

- Veto
Donkey Kong (1994): Never played it!

WazzupGenius00 posted...

not even the first Nintendo game where a hero rescues a kidnapped woman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07ONM3UNZeo

Goddammit, I knew about Sheriff, too.