LogFAQs > #978912490

- Frog Suit Tier
Lou Albano: This was the voice of the Mario cartoon? ... Honestly, he looks exactly like I expected.
Blindfolded Mario Maker Guy: This is the level of content creation we've sunk to. Everything reasonable has already been done, so now we're down to insane nonsense like this. I appreciate the guy's focus and ideas, I guess, but... I dunno, I can take or leave this. I did like the part where he runs into plants while in Link mode.
Torpedo Ted: This is stupid, but stay with me here: I like Bullet Bills more because they're more serious. They aren't smiling, and they have angry eyebrows. They know their job, they have their job, and they aren't screwing around. Torpedo Ted is smiling like an idiot.
Lakilester: I'm gonna level with you. I played Paper Mario like twenty times as a kid. I loved that game. I hid a bad report card from my parents so they wouldn't punish me by taking away the game. I do not remember this character at all. If you'd just shown me a picture of him, I would've believed this was someone's OC but for the too-true-to-the-90s quality of the image being hard for randos on Deviantart or whatever to replicate.
NBA Street V3: Oh god, is it racist if I make a joke about white men not being able to jump? I was going to say that they made no attempt to make the Mario characters fit the game's real world aesthetic, but that's not quite right. I'm looking at images of the game now, and although it's true that the Mario characters have their normal wonky Mario proportions and vibrant colors, I don't know... there's definitely something that's been altered about these models. These are not just straight ports of the SMS models, someone definitely altered them in some fashion, but it doesn't make them fit into the real world any more than they usually would. Completely bizarre.

- Poison Mushroom Tier
Mario Teaches Typing: My school had this on a computer, I don't even remember whether it was the computer room or library computer, and even as a dumbass first grader or whatever I was, I could tell it was garbage.
Pachinko Game (SMS): I wonder if Japanese game developers realize that no one likes pachinko outside of Japan. Like, my understanding of this game is that it only exists because it's the closest you can get to being a random slot machine that legally qualifies as a game, and thus evades Japan's anti-gambling laws. Is that correct? I don't remember if I even beat this level. I beat Super Mario Sunshine, but I got the minimum number of shines to do it. If you needed this game to finish, then I beat it, otherwise I probably didn't. I remember it being aggressively unfun and stupid.
Hotel Mario Cutscenes: These are actually a significant step up from the CD-I Zelda games' cutscenes in terms of competence. They are nowhere near as ugly or stupid-looking. But seriously, can you imagine Nintendo being as flippant about its brand today? Absolutely every detail of every major Nintendo IP is now so polished and defined that new ideas are rare. What's the last time a third party got to touch Mario? The Mario vs Rabbids game? "You know what they say: all toasters toast toast!" I love how stupid and pointless Peach is in these cutscenes. It's like the perfect embodiment of how stupid and vapid Peach is as a character. She doesn't even get an ending cutscene where she's like "lol thanks for saving me." Honestly, I'd seen all of the Zelda CD-I cutscenes before because they're so awful and hideous that every frame is hilarious. These were mostly new to me, and I'm sure it's because they're just not as ugly and terrible and funny.

- Veto
Mario's Game Gallery: Unfamiliar with this one, sorry!
Blue Shell Incident: I'm not watching a 30 minute SFM shitpost video, get out of here.
Bowser's Fury: Didn't play it! I did play Super Mario 3D World, though.

Researching:
Trials of Death: I found a video to learn about the lore of this level, but it's 40 minutes long, so I'll rank this later.