LogFAQs > #978606477

Let me share some thoughts I had after reading the works of masters Weekes, Jung, and Miller. More precisely, on the concept of emotional pain. And even more precisely, on how we all seek to avoid it. While avoidance may seem like a desirable solution at first, taking a closer look reveals an important truth : that which you resist, persists. In other words, you can only suffer from that which you don't embrace or accept. Anxiety can be thought of as two dots in the mind, one for "what is", and the other for "what one wishes was". Pain, in this picture, is as strong as the gap between those two dots is wide. So in order to feel better, that gap has to be closed, or at least reduced significantly. And that's where I believe these annoying "Mindfullness Meditation" apologists may have a point. "You have to learn to let go", they keep repeating. Easy to say, don't you think? Especially since we only seem to hear that advice from people who already feel inner peace, and being told it's supposed to be easy only makes a suffering soul feel even less adequate. I think it may speak to closing that anxiety gap between the two dots in a healthy way. If you think about it, most of the pain in this world is caused by people who can't deal with their inner anxiety, who then try to close their gap by attempting to transform "what is" into "what they wish was". Or in other words, use control. Imposing your will on others, the very definition of abuse. Now control may sort of work as a short term strategy to reduce the controlling person's anxiety, but all it really does is transpose it onto others. The challenging but ultimately liberating truth is, there is another way to close the gap, and that is, to instead transform "what you want" into "what is". Or in other words, use acceptance. By embracing negative emotions, we can integrate and eventually accept them, both for what they have to teach, and as proof that we are very much alive. This acceptance leads to an emotional grief of some sort, where we eventually become free of particular memories or sates [sic] of mind, ultimately disarming their ability to overtake our mood. If that sounds hard to believe, consider this it also works for positive emotions. Let's take nostalgia for example. The one song you kept listening to during that one special summer a few years ago, it takes you back, doesn't it? But more to the point, what happens when it does? Surely you don't resist the warm and happy memories that wash over you. You take them all in, and even try your best to feel them even more, to their full extent, conjuring images, and almost even smells if you could just concentrate enough. After a few moments, the warmth starts to wear off, and sort of like when you wake from a good dream, you fail to maintain your mental grasp on those feelings as they inevitably dissipate. And just like that, you went through the grieving process of a positive memory, because you embraced it instead of trying to resist it, and thus its grip on you has been weakened. What you will sadly find the next day, is that while that old song will always come with a dash of emotion for you, it will never again hit you as hard as the first time you reopened that corner of your mind in full acceptance. That is certainly a sad reality when it comes to positive emotions, but on the bright side, it also applies to the negative ones. If you are struck by sadness, experience treason, or are revisited by a sad memory, by using acceptance, fully embracing it and letting it wash over you, you can also weaken its ability to affect you. And eventually, in contrast with the twinge of sadness you feel at the realization that a given happy memory cannot be visited with any effect anymore, you will feel that hit of joy when it becomes clear that a negative emotion has packed its bags for good. In this way, I believe it is fair to say that there is beauty in sadness. That was a lot to cover, I hope it all made sense.