LogFAQs > #972323101

Im in a weird place tbh. Like, with normal day-to-day stuff, I am completely fine. Im perfectly fine with like going to work, taking care of my apartment, going grocery shopping, getting exercise, and such. Basic adulting I guess lol. Im comfortable with who I am and (outside of work), Im happy with how I spend my time.

But when I start thinking of big picture stuff I fall apart and tend to spiral. The problem is, Im a bit of a realist, like too pragmatic for my own good. Im fully aware that in the grand scheme of things I am not doing so hot.

The major issue with my life is work. Im not thrilled with my job and I dont think Im making enough money to justify it. A big part of it is that Ive been working consistently since 2006 when I was 18, but I spent way too much time working a shitty retail job, and then I moved on from the grocery industry to the HVAC industry a couple years ago and its a very.. intense field to work in, even though all Im doing is answering the phone. Maybe its a me problem for being too sensitive or whatever, but spending almost twenty years being demeaned, belittled, gaslit, etc. has taken a toll on my mental health and I think its worse than I even realize.

The money thing is a big issue. Last year I had an overnight stay at a hospital and even with insurance, when all was said and done it cost me nearly $4,000. Im utterly terrified of going to the doctor now because I cant afford it. But I also cant afford a house. I can barely afford the car I just had to get. I cant afford vacations. Etc. etc. I get that its my own damn fault for not going to college right away and finding a good career but its still frustrating.

I also am still single. And I honestly cant imagine finding a partner at this point. I think Im great, but I definitely have my quirks that I cant see most women putting up with.

It just feels like Im so fucking far behind even though Im only 35, but with the way the world is, I cant realistically see a way for things to improve.