LogFAQs > #968496482

16. Aquaslash (Showtime)

So I bet you were curious about how good a horror movie about a killer at a water park is. If you thought "not great" you were wrong because it's fucking awful.

Aquaslash is about a bunch of kids who are going to have a slide competition in a water park, but there is a killer who wants to kill people.

Listen, this movie sucks so I'm just going to spoil some of it. It's really, really dreadfully bad. It's supposed to be a mock of those awful 80's slashers, but it's not funny and it's not interesting and they have these subplots but none of them are enacted upon in any meaningful way. It all absolutely sucks.

This entire movie is the slowest burn imaginable (in which its 115 minute runtime felt like 2.5 hours), and it all leads up to a grand finale. Think about the cool things you could do with this idea with a slasher at a water park with gimmicked up slides. Now dial it back by a million because all that really happens is the killer puts blades in an "X" down one slide and then the slowest payoff happens with people slowly getting sliced into pieces from this one blade in the one slide.

Seriously, it builds to this one mediocre thing and I mean I guess it looks pretty okay? Like the visual of body parts flying down the slide and the blood coming down is okay? But you could have done something a lot cooler with this, but they just didn't. It's just awful. A complete waste of time. Do not watch unless you become morbidly curious for some trash.

Rating: 0.5/10