LogFAQs > #964883072

CRON posted...

My mental health, confidence and self esteem were s***tered because I deluded myself into thinking that my abusive partners would change.

The initial manipulation was successful. I was tricked into thinking that they weren't abusive, manipulative people, but amazing women full of love and positivity, who were just dealing with a very unfortunate and serious personality disorder.

My last ex burned bridges with three different (and very expensive) therapists in her area, because of the lying and manipulation. I was invited to sit in on a session and provide feedback, and it turned into a s***storm. She didn't expect me to bring up the fact that I was being abused. The therapist had this distinct "aaaand here it is" expression, before my ex got flustered and started to sloppily accuse me of gaslighting. When that didn't work, she started to accuse me of being selfish and only caring about myself, because I didn't want to be abused and constantly insulted.

You gave your all and did what you could to make the relationship work. But even in a world where mental health is a major issue for a significant percentage of the population, this disorder is not to be taken likely as the risk of a relationship failing and leaving you traumatized is not an insignificant percentage.

But because we have posters here struggling with BPD like dear Betty over there, and I want to believe that no one is unlovable or undeserving of happiness, I think it's apt to attempt to find some middle ground here. Saying that you should censor yourself out of fear of stigmatizing the disorder is lazy and counterproductive (imagine if I were trying to get you into crypto but said "no no no, stop talking about NFTs or Elon pumping Dogecoin!!!", would you take me seriously?) so let's to approach it a different way.

Your ex at the very least went to therapy, did her family pay for the therapists or did she pay out of pocket? I ask to gauge how seriously she took her disorder. What kind of effort did she put in to manage her disorder?

And if you were to meet a guy who finds himself in Gobstopper's origin story, who considered himself foreveralone until he meets this wonderful girl who deemed him worthy but is diagnosed with BPD (and you know he won't listen to any warning at this point due to finally getting the validation he always waned), what boundaries would you recommend he set that mean if broken, that means the end of the relationship to save himself the heartache you had?