LogFAQs > #956537008

Sorry to hear that but glad you lawyered up. I too went through a separation then divorce in my 20s. We were together for 8 years and married for 5. The last 2 years we were together were absolutely miserable and it felt like we were living as roommates for the last year of it. We were 21 and 19 when we got together and we simply weren't the same people by the end of the marriage as we were at the start but had stuck it out for more years than we should have because it was 'marriage'. Getting out of it now is better for you than dragging it out.

When I got divorced I felt like the failed marriage was all my fault and we didn't lawyer up. We just agreed an amicable separation and then didn't bother getting divorced until 2 years after. I'm a nice guy and I got hosed because of feeling it was my fault so I just took 50% of savings, my clothes and 1 of our 3 cats. She got everything else (the house only had 50k remaining on the mortgage) despite us having no kids and her not working for 6 of the 8 years we were together but really it was the cat part that killed me. I later found out she had an affair with a co-worker which I strongly suspected and accused her of when together but she always vehemently denied.

In the end it was the best thing that happened to me. I met an amazing woman and the way this relationship is made me realize how unhealthy my previous marriage had been, I just didn't know better. We are now happily married. It was incredibly unlikely our timelines or paths would have crossed if my circumstances hadn't happened exactly as they did.

My ex-wife ended up going through therapy and told me most of our issues had been due to her and therapy helped her realize that. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't without fault and had my flaws too. She's now engaged to the guy she had an affair with and I honestly hope they are happy together.

So whilst it's going to be shitty for you now, it doesn't mean it will always be like that for you. You will learn from the experience and I'm sure you will meet someone else who will make you happier. Basically all of my friends are on their second marriage and have been in them long-term and that's the marriage that has stuck. Usually because their first marriage was like mine where they got together young and then changed as a person.