Board 8 > I just got married under a year ago and I'm already getting a divorce :(

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BlogFAQs time.
This sucks big time man. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with this woman and it's over before it even began. It just is throwing me for such a loop right now, I don't even know how to handle it. Like I feel like it would be so much easier to get a divorce after 15 years of marriage than after just 1. Maybe that's just my naivete talking though. We own a house together, no kids thank god I guess that part would probably be harder after 15 years, not that she wanted them anyway so it probably wouldn't have happened regardless. But I just feel so lost with how to move forward now. It's like every plan I've been working towards for the last 6 years (when we started dating) is just gone and there's no going back.
Thanks for anyone who reads this, I just need to vent.

Not willing to give too many details in a public setting per the advice of my Lawyer. But if anyone has been through something similar...let me know how you dealt. I'm so stressed right now, I wish I could cry but I can't

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When did you know it wasnt working? And who initiated?

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ChaosTonyV4 posted...

When did you know it wasnt working? And who initiated?

She started the conversation, but I just went and Lawyered up and gave her a letter of Intent to Seperate (demanding she leave the home). I know better than to waste time on a losing game. But her initial request for a divorce just came up on Saturday. Everything is moving so fast lol.

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And the story probably seems a little weird, I know, but that's just because I'm taking no chances and revealing more information then I should. First of all she's well aware I come here all the time, second off I have people here on facebook, and it is incredibly trivial to find out my name regardless, and I'm not risking some sad troll ruining my life even further. So more than an indepth analysis of my story, I just want to hear how other people have dealt with similar situations. If that makes sense.

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every step you've made so far makes sense so no worries on the details, good luck dude and i'm sorry you're going through all this.
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So sorry to hear that - hope it ends as amicably as possible. If you need someone to talk to, you know how to reach me. Thoughts and hugs!
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_stingers_ posted...

She started the conversation, but I just went and Lawyered up and gave her a letter of Intent to Seperate (demanding she leave the home). I know better than to waste time on a losing game. But her initial request for a divorce just came up on Saturday. Everything is moving so fast lol.

This is a lot better than the last b8 ugly separation topic.

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_stingers_ posted...

no kids thank god I guess that part would probably be harder after 15 years

Yes

Yes it is

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My first marriage ended after 2 years but we had no joint assets, it was (relatively) amicable, and were able to end the marriage by just going to the courthouse.

Hope that this doesn't hurt too much. Good luck.
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I expect it to hurt a tad. But I am not too worried. Though the possibility of my lawyer just talking hot air into me has me worried, but...I felt good enough about things to take that jump first anyway so I'm not too worried. And even if worst case scenario occurs, I'll take a little bit of debt over a lifetime of regret

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red13n posted...

This is a lot better than the last b8 ugly separation topic.

What happened there? I haven't been reading those because I was living in blissful ignorance

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Sorry bro

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Remind her of her vows. If she is a principled women she should honor them.

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topics like this make me want details so much

but in any case, sorry to hear - hope that you're able to move on quickly and healthily
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No kids and limited alimony. Divorcing after 15 years is absolutely worse no matter how shitty you feel in the moment.

Crush some puss in a few months when you're better and you'll be happy.

I guess it will be easier to move on, logistically. I just feel like I wasted my youth on something that barely even began. I'm 28 so I'm not an old man by any means, but I feel too young to be dealing with this shit. Lol

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_stingers_ posted...

I guess it will be easier to move on, logistically. I just feel like I wasted my youth on something that barely even began. I'm 28 so I'm not an old man by any means, but I feel too young to be dealing with this shit. Lol

You're 28?? You're in peak form then.

I would trade 21-26 for 28-33 any day, romantically at least. You have more means/skills to meet women than ever before and still have the energy to do so.

I guess that makes sense. That's a good thought to hold on to. Appreciate it

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Are you going to try to reconcile or is it over for sure?
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Mac Arrowny posted...

Are you going to try to reconcile or is it over for sure?

Over for sure. I'm not rich enough to have fully enlisted the services of a lawyer and started procedures if I wasn't sure, lol

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Damn

I forgot how young you are - I did a double take because it's kind of hard to believe we still have Board 8ers in their 20s.

Anyway, sorry to hear this. I'm going through something similar, as things are not looking good with my gf (we've also been together for about six years), and I doubt we'll be together much longer. We thankfully never got married, so I don't have to worry about divvying up my condo or other assets, but it's still a crappy situation to go through.

Here's to hoping you come through this better and enjoy your late 20s/early 30s, which may be some of the best years of your life.

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And all of my close friends in real life are younger than me. Most of the sorta good ones are too. I don't have too many people I can talk to about problems like this. B8 has always been perfect though. If this site ever dies I will shed a tear

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That sucks, man. You're at a perfect age to find someone who will be a better fit for you. It's definitely better to split after 1 year than 15

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Should have wavedashed at the alter.

But for real I feel for you buddy. It's a hard thing to go through. I know a lot of us envision a future with someone that didn't pan out, but I'm glad you found out sooner than later. This will suck, and it will be stressful, but you'll be able to go forward after this and it'll get better.

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I'm sorry to hear. I also got divorced after only a year of marriage a few years back, though I was the one who asked for it...I was also lucky for it to be rather amicable, no lawyers or anything. I remember feeling embarrassed to be going through a divorce in my mid-20s, but I'm happy I can focus on building a hopefully better future, even if that seemed impossible in the moment.

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Should've bought that Kia Stinger

wasn't it you that had the topic about your wife suddenly having a change of heart about children after you got marrried? I figured that was what this was about but maybe that was someone else. Anyway good luck man. I've never been in a relationship longer than a year so I have no specific advice

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MZero posted...

Should've bought that Kia Stinger

wasn't it you that had the topic about your wife suddenly having a change of heart about children after you got marrried? I figured that was what this was about but maybe that was someone else. Anyway good luck man. I've never been in a relationship longer than a year so I have no specific advice

That was me! I'm sure it contributed to things, but damn. I wish she realized this before she wanted to get married and buy a home with me x.x

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Holy hell I'm sorry to hear this dude :(

You'll get through it, I'm sure. You got this.

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Sorry to hear it. Just power through it and let yourself some time to recuperate after. And I agree that separating after 1 year sounds better than separating after 15 or 35 years. Live and learn, etc.

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Sorry to hear that but glad you lawyered up. I too went through a separation then divorce in my 20s. We were together for 8 years and married for 5. The last 2 years we were together were absolutely miserable and it felt like we were living as roommates for the last year of it. We were 21 and 19 when we got together and we simply weren't the same people by the end of the marriage as we were at the start but had stuck it out for more years than we should have because it was 'marriage'. Getting out of it now is better for you than dragging it out.

When I got divorced I felt like the failed marriage was all my fault and we didn't lawyer up. We just agreed an amicable separation and then didn't bother getting divorced until 2 years after. I'm a nice guy and I got hosed because of feeling it was my fault so I just took 50% of savings, my clothes and 1 of our 3 cats. She got everything else (the house only had 50k remaining on the mortgage) despite us having no kids and her not working for 6 of the 8 years we were together but really it was the cat part that killed me. I later found out she had an affair with a co-worker which I strongly suspected and accused her of when together but she always vehemently denied.

In the end it was the best thing that happened to me. I met an amazing woman and the way this relationship is made me realize how unhealthy my previous marriage had been, I just didn't know better. We are now happily married. It was incredibly unlikely our timelines or paths would have crossed if my circumstances hadn't happened exactly as they did.

My ex-wife ended up going through therapy and told me most of our issues had been due to her and therapy helped her realize that. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't without fault and had my flaws too. She's now engaged to the guy she had an affair with and I honestly hope they are happy together.

So whilst it's going to be shitty for you now, it doesn't mean it will always be like that for you. You will learn from the experience and I'm sure you will meet someone else who will make you happier. Basically all of my friends are on their second marriage and have been in them long-term and that's the marriage that has stuck. Usually because their first marriage was like mine where they got together young and then changed as a person.

That made me feel a lot better to read. Thanks for sharing your story

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Sorry to hear that things are going shitty for you. Like others have said, you have a great opportunity to come out the other side even happier. Focus on yourself, don't worry about her except to the extent that it impacts the divorce logistics, and you'll be ok.

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_stingers_ posted...

That was me! I'm sure it contributed to things, but damn. I wish she realized this before she wanted to get married and buy a home with me x.x

This may be a blessing in disguise. Imagine you stayed together for 15 years and you never had children, despite you wanting them. Then you're divorced in your 40s and you'd have to wait until your 50s to have kids with someone else, if you even can at that point.

Now you can find some young hot chick in the next few years and start a family at the right time. You're going to be so happy with this decision.

I guess. I want kids but I was content with the thought of not having them because I enjoyed our life together. Maybe I would grow resentful, but I don't know. Raising kids is very expensive I know id ultimately get a lot of satisfaction out of it but I'd kind of be okay not being broke too. And that's what I always told her, but...here we are

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I dont have anything useful to add, but I am so sorry to hear this.

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Divorce after any year is certainly crushing.

If you don't have kids, you don't have custody and child support. After one year you also don't have a ton of marital assets/liabilities to split up.

Going forward, if you want kids, but the cost/logistics feel scary, just plan on having one.

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