During my runs as a freelance delivery driver, I cannot help but notice that the lot I retrieve orders from do not seem to take kindly to me, as of late. I suspect that it's got something to do with my abyssmal social etiquette. Whenever I talk to others, my eyes are always directed at some inches to the left of the other person's face. Making eye contact gives me terrible anxiety. Being faced with kindness gives me even more anxiety. Like, I cannot exactly match the hospitality that is shown to me.
I cannot tell you how many tips I refused because the act felt so personal. Some may find it unusual that I do this, since I can always receive tips via online, anyway. But receiving them in person just heightens my fear and anxiety. And the amount of times I shunned some poor person who showed me only kindness... I can't imagine that they ate their order well knowing that the bloke who delivered it did not seem to take kindly to them. That disappointment they feel... I regret it. I'm just cold, reserved, and socially-withdrawn. In hindsight, I cannot blame people for not wanting to deal with me. But it hurts all the same.
I've noticed as of late, vendors not wanting to deal with me. About two days ago, I had some Walmart employee lie to me about having already shipped an order I was scheduled to fulfilled, then sending me away. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she was not lying. But I don't know; I just don't really have it in me to trust others. Yesterday, I went to some restaurant to retrieve some food. The cashiers did not go through the trouble of wrapping it, even though they made a good act of pretending to. I cannot tell if this was an act of passive-aggression or if it was just carelessness and laziness on their part. Personally, I'm inclined to believe the former. And just today, I went to retrieve somebody's coffee. I stood beside a counter reserved for pick-up orders for about seven minutes, only for nobody to confirm with me that I was there to retrieve the order that had been sitting on the counter for exactly that long.
I mean, I always tell myself that I don't exactly need people to like me in this line of work; I just need them to tolerate me long enough for me to get what I need to deliver and get out. I always dread having second encounters with people in the customer service industry. I don't exactly show a lot of figurative warmth the first time around, and I fear that whoever services me next will recognize me and do something I am unable to recognize as either passive-aggression or pure carelessness, out of contempt for me. I'm very much used to people hating me all the time. And yes, I do have a general idea of why people don't like dealing with me. But it bothers me all the same.