LogFAQs > #955701523

One of my greatest insecurities in life is that I've rarely been anyone's first choice for anything. And when I say that I don't mean getting picked next-to-last on the playground(not that that didn't ever happen), but rather that I've almost always been the backup plan. The guy who's 'there'. Not the best friend, not the person someone jumps at the opportunity to hang out with, but rather one of the people invited for the sake of having some extra numbers, or because the first guy said no. I've had three mutual best friendships in my life. Two of them were in elementary school, one of them was in HS and the guy ended up drifting away to a friend group I was incompatible with.

Another, not-dissimilar insecurity is that people don't really come to me for emotional support. Now, I totally understand why they wouldn't. I can be somewhat aloof and abrasive, and even though I consider myself hyperaware insofar as understanding social cues/reading people's emotions, I'm not actually good at the... making-people-feel-better part? I suppose you could boil it down to my 'neurodivergency'(I'll use that term to avoid being modded like I was recently for using the 'a-word' despite including a disclaimer that I wasn't using the term pejoratively). But I really wish I could provide some emotional support for people. My best friend in HS said outright that he didn't feel like he could talk to me about these kinds of things, and that bothers me. What's worse is the idea that if I had a partner, they might opt to go to someone else for emotional support. I think the most I've been able to do is be able to consistently provide distractions for a friend with mental health issues. I do take some comfort in being able to do that, but I wish I could do more. I should probably just accept that being close with someone doesn't mean they have to want to seek emotional support from me, and that I should just be happy to be there for whatever they do ask of me.

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AKA LordCarlisle