LogFAQs > #951610069

BakusaiTenketsu posted...

She's in a position specifically at a headquarters level. If we move back to Utah, she would have to drop about 4 or 5 pay levels and take a field position instead, which she would not be happy in.

Her education and work experience might be applicable to other businesses though, and we haven't researched it, but there would need to be openings of course for those to even be a possibility. Federal jobs are protected though, so transfers to lower paid positions are the only real guarantee.

We've talked a little since I posted this, and as of right now, we are just "kicking the can" a little longer. We will extend our lease to November/December if the owners will accept a short term lease, and her hope (which she feels is a strong possibility) is that by that point telework/domicile policies will be updated and which jobs qualify.

She isn't excited about moving back to state that has a lot of annual snow, and I get the feeling she liked living far from her parents as well (lol).

We just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. We will work through this, and divorce isn't anything I'm concerned about. We aren't that bad. But we are definitely very far apart on this decision. It's kind of uneasy putting a lot of faith into the updated policies of the post office that may or may not happen any time soon.

I'm fiercely loyal to my wife, even at the expense of my own desires, so I know I'm the type of person that will stay if I had to in order for her job happiness is secure. I could be in for a long road of slight depression in that case.

I think "kicking the can" out is absolutely the right choice here. Forcing a move because of an arbitrary lease deadline will be irreversible while if you stay you can change your mind about moving back later as you continue to figure this thing out. So this is a good holding maneuver for now.

I'm a bit concerned about your attitude about it though. It seems there's a lot of "oh yeah we aren't going to break up over it, i'll just put her needs first if i have to, it's okay if i'm depressed for awhile" going through your head, which is a bit understandable considering you currently unhappy, but I don't see you engaging with all of the suggestions on how to improve your situation where you are.

Do you WANT to make this place a home? Or is the solution in your mind either to go home to Utah and be happy or stay here for your wife's happiness and you'll just have to put up with never fitting in?

Pretty much everybody in here has been saying "you need to get up and go put yourself out there and make some new friends. It will never happen if you don't make it happen."

Do you agree with this? It can be tough to do, especially if you are an introverted guy, but if you don't have your automatic social circle from family and friends from school, you'll have to do the legwork to make this happen. There's a lot of ways this could be done. There might be a local neighborhood organization you can join that organizes events, there could be something at school or church, you could look for groups on facebook or other social media for things like board games or D&D or video games or tennis or brewing or whatever hobbies you are into. There's probably * some* kind of clubs for interests you have, you just have to put yourself in there and go meet these people.

There's even apps like Tinder for making friends with hobbies. I'm not sure what kind of people are actually using these things but apparently its actually used.

I've always seen you as an optimistic guy who really thoroughly invests himself in his passions, so I think that if you choose to do this, it's absolutely something you could follow through with. It really just requires you to want to do it.

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The batman villians all seem to be one big joke that batman refuses to laugh at - SantaRPG