LogFAQs > #949524336

TC... I can go into extreme detail what its like for me but Ill instead just offer some cliff notes on what its like from someone who suffers from suicidal idealization here. For me and my experience with dealing with it, has been a total nightmare almost every god damn week because I deal with severe depression as well. With that being said, one day I might be really happy. The best I ever felt in my life. But the next day or hell, even the next hour Ill feel suicidal. Yeah..it fucking sucks how drastic my feelings would change in an instant. There were only ever two times I was hospitalized for being suicidal because I felt confused on what to do. And honestly? They didn't even do much...

I mean, what can they do honestly? Hand you a few papers to other resources and you become someone else's problem along the way for someone else to sort out? Yeah, its also like that.. I even had one doctor asked me "What can we do for you?" And im like...fuck dude... this is like my second time here, and how can I possibly answer that shit? You are the doctor. And I have issues with how hospitals treat people like me that are like that. : / When you are feeling suicidal... its like the entire world stops around you. You have no perception on what it real anymore and you inch that much closer to actually doing it. I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone who had dealt with severe trauma like a brother molesting you for starters. And then having it tear your life apart because he ingrained it into your brain that he said not to tell anyone. But I did.. to my psychologist who I talk to a few times a week and honestly, Im glad I at least have that.

Edit: Oh, and to those people that say "Just tough it out" and being "Being Cowardice". You get an extra special fuck you by the way. This shit is fucking painful to deal with!
And yes, I have been getting help. But that pain will never feel like it goes away no matter how many drugs they give you, or how many therapy sessions you go to, when you have no idea how bad of an impact it made on my life and to many others who dealt a bad hand in life. To stare into the face of a brother who molested me and try to fake a dumb ass smile pretending like it never happened while I was growing up.