LogFAQs > #948961283

This year has easily been the worst year of my life due to illness. So much time spent convulsing and terrified on the edge of death. Fortunately I guess, the worst of it was earlier in the year. Spent what is easily the worst day of my life in the mental ward at the hospital cause I had a bad reaction that made me feel suicidal to eating...I think it was a piece of lettuce. I didn't have a diagnoses at the time so the hospital wouldn't allow my mom to bring the only food I can eat which I eat every 3 hours. Instead I was starved for and kept awake in that hellhole for 36 hours at which point they put me an ambulance and brought me to a mental health care place.

I was so sick and miserable and my heart was having all kinds of palpitations and they were saying it was just anxiety (which I have medical tests proving it wasn't but that came later). I thought I was gonna be stuck there and die but fortunately the I managed to bullshit my way through talking to the psychiatrist there and he said he thought they made a mistake and that I was free to go.

I was mentally gone at this point having been starved or sleep deprived for so long but I somehow managed to keep it together until my mom picked me up. My heart hurt so bad for days afterwards. When I was in the hospital and already losing my mind from the symptoms and starvation I heard someone in another room nearby die and then a few minutes later the persons mother came in... The sounds she made just gutted me. If there is a hell, it's like that for sure. It did steel my resolve though. I can never let my mother be that person.

Pretty sure I now have bad PTSD from a lot of these experiences. They also almost killed me at the hospital back in june. I had a bad reaction to lactate ringer and managed to shut it off myself before the convulsing and loss of control got too bad but one of the nurses without telling anyone turned it back on.

Things were getting better after that though. I got not one but 3 diagnoses which may explain my problems and was feeling a fair bit better. Then, about a week into starting medication that could cure me, I got salmonella somehow and nearly died. My liver was just on the verge of failing, I was too nauseous to take any meds including the ones I was relying on and I lost more weight down to my current all time low of 117 lbs (I'm 6 ft tall male). My body managed to somehow beat the salmonlla at the last moment (my white cell and platelet counts were dangerously low) and I've recovered a fair bit since then. I just started a new medicine 2 days ago that I'm hopeful will help.

It's been 19 months since I got this illness suddenly one day and I just want my life back again. Like, at least health enough to watch anime and play video games while I recover. If I get a bit healthier theres two surgeries I need. One is getting my gallbladder removed (it has a stone and poor function before that). That might make a big difference or no difference. Then, my spine is also unstable and theres an experimental surgery to get that could help that. Generally though you need to get it 2-4 times before it makes a huge difference.

I'm pretty hopeful for 2021. In a lot of ways I feel like I've made it through the worst of it surviving the first half of the year and then the infection. Really hoping this medication and the gallbladder surgery make large differences.

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I'm ninja
(you can't see me)