LogFAQs > #946073794

Jagged Fel
This part of what's magical about the EU: I can find an entire giant backstory for a character I've never heard of. So this guy was an Imperial soldier, had a brief fling with Han Solo's daughter, got exiled because of a pay dispute, helped the Jedi, and then Luke forced the Imperial Remnant to take him as their leader, after having married a Jedi? Because this seems like a bit of a stretch. I assume it makes more sense all written out, but I have a difficult time imagining the Empire would accept an exiled former soldier with close ties to the Republic as their new Emperor.

Like, okay, I can imagine this playing out in the books as good girl Jaina Solo having a steamy romance with bad boy Jagged Fel, and I can imagine that working, sure.

Worst Star Wars Merch
I googled "Worst Star Wars merch," and did not expect an entire list of articles about this. Having now scanned several of these lists, I'm going to give this one to the Darth Vader Toast Imprinter.
https://www.wholesaleclearance.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Dart-Vader-Toaster.jpg
All of the other merch items were dumb, of course, because I don't want a Star Wars aquarium or a Star Wars adult diaper (yes, that exists), but they are at least functional for what they're supposed to be. I would never want to eat a piece of bread that's been partially toasted in a weird pattern, and especially not one that's almost burned like that. Complete garbage.

Phineas and Ferb Star Wars Special
I don't have access to Disney+ right now, but look, I know nothing about Phineas and Ferb. I can't possibly rank this. I did watch a trailer for this, though, and it looks like a fairly standard Star Wars retelling/parody with the local characters. I wonder how many movies are so well-known that you can just do a whole plot retelling like that? Star Wars, Wizard of Oz, and what else?

Darth Vader in Rogue One
Basically the only memorable moment in RO. You briefly get to see Darth Vader as a normal dude would, and he effortlessly cuts through everyone. It's an effective moment, one of the few in the movie.

Jango Fett
When I watched the OT as a kid, I never thought about Boba Fett. To me, he was just a guy. I didn't care about his origin story at all. So the idea of learning more about it in the prequels was a complete non-starter. Like, what do we care about Boba Fett's father? Nothing. So all that's left is to analyze Jango Fett as a character unto himself.

Dude's just a dude, don't know what I can tell you. I don't hate the idea of cloning a badass soldier to produce a giant army, that's weird and MGS-y, but Jango Fett himself is just a guy.

The *Real* Most Nothing of Nothing Characters
Restricting this to only named film characters, I'm going with the bald pilot who gets Padme out of Naboo. *Googles it* Ric Oli. The only thing I remember about him is that he yells out "Shield generator's been hit," and only because of the RLM review.

Making the Kessel Run in Less than 12 Parsecs
As a random boast by Han Solo as he tries to impress what he thinks are just an idiot farmboy and a stupid old man, this is great. He's just throwing out nonsense because these are rural idiots (he thinks), like if you had to impress a redneck from the swamps of Louisiana and claimed to be have a triple doctorate in engineering.

That's all it had to be. Too bad it's ruined in Solo by overexplaining everything, retroactively making Han honest with Luke and Obi-Wan from the start.

Nute Gunray
I refuse to believe that Nute Gunray could run a Taco Bell, much less a giant trade federation. I guess I can forgive this and assume he's the son of someone important and that Palpatine just murdered whoever was supposed to be in charge, but Gunray repeatedly proves himself to be the dumbest person in the entire galaxy. He does at least one stupid thing every movie! In PM, he's not even defeated by the heroes, he's defeated by Padme's black bodyguard. Do you even remember that guy's name? Even I don't remember his name. Anyway, the point is that this guy sucks for how much screen time he gets.

I guess I should address his accent. It's horrible? I don't believe this was intended as an Asian stereotype, because nothing else about Gunray is very Asian-y, but it's still very bad. And who named him Gunray? Lucas? He's a merchant, not a soldier. He should be named Goldhands or something.

Han x Leia
Holds the dubious title of "Best Star Wars romance" even like forty years later. Leia likes being sarcastic, Han can handle her sarcasm; Leia is a princess, Han is a rogue, etc. Although their scenes are probably the slowest of ESB's, they give the movie a little heart, which it desperately needs. I hate how Disney took the romance, but so be it.

One criticism I'll give is that I never liked the way Leia's hair looks in the Endor scene when they're in the Ewok village. There's no way she fit that much ****ing hair under her helmet.

Star Wars: Battlefront (2004)
Never played it, sorry. Like I said, I don't play many Star Wars games besides the RPGs, the only TPS from that era I like is RE4. I guess the gimmick here is that you have 32 players on each team trying to win an objective, and the teams are the Republic/Separatists and Rebellion/Empire? Seems like it would be very fun. I enjoy how there's a phone port of the game? I have no idea how that would work.


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Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005