LogFAQs > #945975701

Boba Fett and the Sarlaac Pit
Even though I'm a Star Wars nerd, I still don't think of the sarlaac pit as the sarlaac pit, I think of it as the desert vagina. Boba Fett is such a non-character. Yes, I'd prefer if his epic rivalry with Han Solo where they met one time was resolved by Han killing him, but the way he dies is fine.

What Palpatine Did in his Free Time (Legends)
I've said before that some things are better left unexplained. Palpatine's backstory is one of them. All we need to know about Palpatine is that he's a Sith and that he's sexually aroused by being evil. I always sort of interpreted Palpatine as so in tune with the Dark Side and the Force in general that he barely even registers the physical world.

The idea that this Sith master likes speeder bike racing is so, so stupid. It's exactly like that scene in Star Trek Nemesis where Picard, who likes flute-playing, classic literature, and poetry, also likes redneck dune buggy racing. Palpatine liking opera and art is... better, at least, but still not great.

Palpatine should just be a guy whose only hobbies are researching Dark Sideness and seeing how evil he can be. The idea that he gets bored after he kills all of his enemies and owns the galaxy is kind of neat, but the idea that he likes his life being in danger is dumb.

Force Choking
You know the guy who insults Vader's religion on the Death Star? That actor trained for weeks to learn how to make his throat move seemingly on its own in order to best imitate a man being choked by the Force. Everyone after that did not do that, which is why he has the best force choke in the series. Force choking is fine. The idea that it's an inherently Dark Side power is dumb, though, it should just be a normal thing you can do with the Force because the Force moves stuff.

Endor Holocaust
I remember reading about this in high school or something. Even back then, the EU had gone to great lengths to explain how Endor was undamaged by the blast. Oh, EU. Will you ever stop being funny? Anyway, the idea that the heroes' victory comes at a cost because they don't think about the consequences of their actions isn't very Force-like, so I can't approve too much of this.

Lando Calrissian
AKA the ultimate token black guy. Now, that's not fair. Lando is actually a well-written character. A rogue-turned-businessman who's forced by circumstance and blackmail to betray his friend (although, given the Solo movie, calling Han and Lando friends is a stretch), but whose conscience gets the better of him in the end. In a way, his arc is a slightly darker version of Han's in ANH. All of this makes Lando a great character... in ESB.

He's just sort of there in RotJ. His role is just so we can have a main character in the Death Star battle. I don't even remember what Lando does in that battle besides make obvious comments like "That thing's operational!" I remember his pancake-faced copilot better than him. Like, I said that they ran out of things for Han to do after ESB, but Han gets it way better than Lando.

Lando's even more embarrassing in TRoS. I don't believe they would have ever brought him back but for Carrie Fisher's unexpected death. His role is so confusing in that movie, and in interviews, Billie dee Williams seems like he has no idea what's going on. Like, Lando's role in that movie is to bring all of the galaxy to the rescue at the last minute, to provide hope and prove that all is not lost. Lando. That's clearly a role for Leia, or Luke, or even Han. Lando's basically just a guy. And then at the end of the movie, Lando meets the one other black person with a speaking role besides Finn, and is like "lol I'll help you find your father, I guess." Which means that Lando is either her father and just happened to meet her here or that he decided to help this random woman he's never met before. TRoS is easily the sloppiest movie in the franchise.

I bet in 1983, no one predicted that Lando would be the last human standing of the main cast.

Star Destroyers
Perfection. Their size implies the Empire's power, the shape implies stark brutality.

BB-8 Flipping Off Finn
I guess I have to take back what I said about BB-8's role being fulfillable by Artoo. This is indeed something Artoo would not do.

Leia Organa
It's hard to really rank Leia. I can easily tell you the personalities of the other main characters in the OT, but Leia? She's a little more indistinct than the others, I think because of her archetype. Where Luke is the Hero and Han is the Rogue, Leia is the Princess. Have you ever read actual medieval stories? I have. The princesses have zero personality.

Leia's primary personality trait seems to be sass. She instantly recognizes that Luke and Han are idiots and takes charge of their escape from the Death Star. She gives Han some lip in ESB (in more ways than one), and she returns Han's epic "I know" to him in the next movie.

One thing I disliked about the ST is its interpretation of Leia. She's a general now? Get lost. It was stupid when Han and Lando were generals, too. Besides, princess outranks general, so she should still be called princess even if she's also a general. Leia should have exclusively been a politician trying to rally people. The idea that she personally leads the Resistance is dumb. She didn't even personally lead the Rebellion.

Anyway, Sequel Leia has to be stronger and tougher. Nothing fazes her, and she even reacts to Han's death by closing her eyes and accepting it. Remember her sassy personality? Gone. Now she's just a professional. They squeezed any sense of who Leia was out of her and replaced her with a generically wise military person. The one time Leia seems to have anything to her is when she momentarily meets Han again and they worry over their son, which is fine. It's great, even, but it's all she gets.

I guess I should address the elephant in the room. We're all thinking it: why is she a princess? I know that Padme was a queen, but, first of all, is she even still a princess after PM and she steps down from her elected term as queen (such a weird system), and second of all, Bail Organa isn't a king, so how does Leia have that title? It can't be that her identity as Padme's daughter is common knowledge, because otherwise Vader would have known who she was immediately.

Oh, George.

Super Star Wars Trilogy
I've only played Super Empire Strikes Back. That's a game I got when I was like eight years old. The box promised I could play as Luke or Han, but I never got to Han. That game is absurdly hard. I still own it, and I still have never gotten past level 2. I rarely even got past level 1. It's legitimately one of the hardest games I've ever played.

Lego Star Wars
Already ranked this one.

Leia's Hairbuns
Sometimes the simplest ideas are the best ones. Giving Leia space hair was a good move. You get a lot of Luke, Han, and Obi-Wan parodies in fiction, but not as many Leia ones. But when a Leia parody shows up, she'll have this hair.

r/SequelMemes
Wow, this is embarrassing. I don't use the word "cringe" often, but yikes. I don't use "yikes" often, either.


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Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005