LogFAQs > #945884842

KkH'Oar'Rrhr
So he's a Tusken Raider who's Force-sensitive, and he's part of the tribe Anakin slaughtered, but he survived not due to his Force powers, but because he just happened to be away at the time? Stupid use of writing resources there.

Ewoks: The Battle for Endor
I had to read a synopsis of this movie for this topic. "Many Ewoks are killed." Automatically better than the first film, then.

Twi'leks
I think Twi'leks might be the defining example of Star Trek vs Star Wars philosophy to aliens. Twi'leks have a fantastic design. It's punchy and memorable, it's weird and alien... but they have nothing else. Star Wars doesn't actually care about the aliens, not even as characters, which is why Yoda, Chewbacca, Ackbar, Jabba, Watto, and Jar-Jar are the only aliens with personalities and (implied) backstories in nine movies, and most of them are much thinner than the human characters'. Like, what is Twi'lek culture like? What are their beliefs, their religion? Hell if I know! If Twi'leks were lucky enough to be on Star Trek, they'd at least have had an episode where Kirk destroys an evil computer to save them. I think the only exception might the Gungans, who are... yeesh.

Sy Snootles
A monstrosity. I know she was technically in the original RotJ, but I consider her to be a SE change. Her looooooooong singing number is just a nightmare, as is her design. It's like George Lucas wanted to punish fans.

That Dancer Jabba Feeds to the Rancor
Poor girl. It doesn't even make sense. I assume slave girls are expensive!

Jawas
A fantastic addition to Star Wars. It makes complete sense that there would be desert scavengers, and we don't need to learn anything more about their culture than that humans find them to be annoying.

Star Wars Toys
Everyone knows the story where George Lucas gained personal control of Star Wars toys because no one understood how valuable they were at the time. Cunning move on his part. I suspect George Lucas may secretly be some kind of business genius, even if his writing chops are weak. You ever see those images online of like Targets with a million extra copies of the ST characters, because kids don't care about Rey and Finn? Kids bought ****ing "Lando's Guard" toys, but they won't buy ST toys.

The Droid Attack on the Wookiees
Forehead Jedi brings this up at the last second in a meeting, which completely changes everyone's plans, like they already knew about this happening but just forgot. To paraphrase RLM, this is how disorganized hippies would run a war.

The Battle of Kashyyyk itself is... whatever. Sasquatches fighting robots. The droid armies are one of the weakest elements of the PT. At least when Stormtroopers die, you might feel something because they're still humans, just misguided ones.

Kingdom Hearts
KH is the ultimate example of being too complicated for your own good. The story of this series should have exclusively been that there's a kid from an obscure planet, he finds a spaceship, he goes into space and visits Disney planets, and there's an evil wizard trying to blow up the universe. And that's what it is for one game. Nomura then goes insane. Unlike most series, like, say, Resident Evil or Persona, where the spinoffs either aren't canon or are technically canon but don't really matter, Kingdom Hearts decided that all of the spinoffs are not only canon, they're all crucial to understanding the plot. This leads to all of the infamous attempts at explaining KH lore online. What started as a simple story about a teenage boy trying to rescue his not!girlfriend turns into a mess about clones, time travel, digital mind clones, a guy who can spy on you if you have an X on your clothing, another teenage boy inhabiting the body of an unrelated grown man, a guy who stole the name of another guy, and I haven't even gone into the Keyblade stuff yet. It's all just nonsense after a while. I've watched two different KH lore videos and I still don't understand most of it.

I'll give this to KH3, though, it does feel like someone has a vision for it. "I'm going to remake Pirates of the Caribbean 3 as 10% of a video game, as an open world exploration game" is a sentence that was said aloud and approved of. I don't know how that happened.

Salacious B. Crumb
A perfect Star Wars-y interpretation of the court jester character. His only role in the movie is to laugh hysterically. This is something Star Wars is really good at; memorable one-off characters.

Grand Admiral Thrawn
Pretty much makes the Hand of Thrawn books. What makes Thrawn compelling is that he's the only antagonist who attempts to fight the heroes using his mind instead of mystical powers, armies, or guards or whatever... even though he also has armies and allies with a Jedi, but whatever, the point is that he's much smarter than anyone else who came before. The idea of predicting your enemies based on their classical artwork is also hilarious. He also has the perfect death, where one of his convoluted plans finally goes awry. I'm aware that he shows up later after those books and gets resurrected or whatever, who cares, those don't count.

Expanded Universe Decanonization
A necessity. I don't actually blame Disney for doing this. Before the Disney Buyout, the Star Wars EU was widely mocked online for a million reasons, and deservedly so. The problem is that Disney only decanonized it because it wanted to replace it with a new EU of identical low quality. Yes, we lost the Hand of Thrawn trilogy and the KotOR games, but those were like 1% of the EU, and you know it.

The problem with EUs is twofold. The first is that some things are better left unexplained, and the second is that you just inherently get lower-quality writers than you do on movies. Like, for every terrible movie you've ever seen, there are a hundred even worse books.

Jizz Music
Like, George Lucas knew what this meant, right? He must have.

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Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005