LogFAQs > #945780167

Star Wars: Tag & Bink
So, Tag and Bink are a reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, where they're two unimportant background characters who accidentally cause all of the events of the films. It's not a bad idea for a satire. I like the idea that they're Darth Vader's copilots on the Death Star, who accidentally cause his defeat with their bad piloting.

Qui-Gon Jinn
I have sort of mixed feelings about Qui-Gon Jinn. On the one hand, I do think he's sort of unnecessary -- you could cut all of PM out of the series, and the only questions it raises are how Obi-Wan met Anakin (don't say that we desperately needed that Threepio backstory). On the other hand, Qui-Gon is the highlight of PM. He's by far the best, most engaging character in the movie, as well as the best acted. My best PM memory is me watching it in the living room, my sister wandering by, and her saying, completely perplexed, "Liam Neeson is in a Star Wars movie?"

I hate the idea of Qui-Gon being the guy invented force ghosts, which is introduced in RotS, and that he teaches Yoda and Obi-Wan how to become ghosts after they die. What a bizarre decision.

Luke vs Vader Duel (Bespin)
What makes this duel compelling is that Luke is completely out of his depth. He gets a few good knocks in against Vader, but it never for a second feels like Luke is on the same level as his opponent. The dark atmosphere and steam pipes everywhere lend an eerie quality to what's going on, and the fight cleverly starts with Luke and Vader far away from the camera up the stairs, where they're just silhouettes against the darkness save for their lightsabers. I really like how Luke gets exhausted halfway through and Vader just pelts him with random objects he chucks with the Force. It's all just so good, and we all know the ending of the duel, where Vader tells Luke that he's his father and Luke dismisses it out of hand.

*Bad-dum tish*

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
This is the hardest Star Wars movie to sit through. It's not only boring, it's only super bad, but it's also the fakest-looking. Lucas was trying to make a movie with realistic CGI like ten years ahead of its time, and it just does not work at all. Mace Windu's role is expanded in this movie, and he's the most boring man to ever live. He's literally just some guy. The Anakin/Padme romance is just intolerable. We all know about the sand line, but have you actually sat through and watched the whole romance play out? The sand line is the least of the problems. Dooku is just so much nothing, too. Then there are things where I just don't know what Lucas was thinking, like the 1950s diner. The only thing in the movie that kind of works is the Obi-Wan mystery plot, where he chases a thread through the galaxy to the clone planet. I mean, I have problems with the Disney movies, but they at least can hold your interest for more than fifteen minutes.

The most damning thing I can say about this movie is that it's the only one I don't remember seeing in theaters. I remember seeing a rerelease of the OT in theaters and every other movie's release, but not Episode II.

Jabba's Palace Sequence
This is where Lucas inserted all of his creativity for the movie. Jabba is like the perfect villain design, right up there with Vader. Even though he's an alien, you instantly know everything you need to know just by looking at him. There are tons of weird-looking aliens all over the place, like Bib Fortuna and the orc guys, there are like hookahs and orgy rooms, it's all just wonderful. Everything you need to tell you that Jabba is a fat hedonist gangster is here, but it's somehow not overdone. The only suggestion I would make is to have like more trophies of people Jabba hates, like decapitated heads and stuff next to Han Solo, but it's fine. By the way, making Jabba a giant slug was an inspired decision. He's all corpulent and slimy, and it's theoretically because he's a slug, but it's really because humans find those qualities to be disgusting.

The problem, I suppose, is that it's all sort of pointless? Two things happen here of consequence: Han is back and Luke is a Jedi. It takes a third of the movie to establish these things. But it's impossible not to like this sequence, so it's fine. It's fine.

Star Wars, minus Episodes IV-VI
Oh god, I didn't realize we could have this kind of nomination. Jeez, I don't know. So much of Star Wars that isn't the OT is balanced around the OT's existence, including the PT, ST, and standalone movies.

Honestly? I can imagine Star Wars being like this weird cult hit if it was just the PT. Like, if Lucas somehow made these three weird, terrible space movies, people would be like "Wow, that's weird." I think they might be more appreciated if that was the case? Like if they were midnight movie-grade movies instead of massive tentpole movies.


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Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005