LogFAQs > #933570854

Haven't really mentioned the doctors lately but fuck them. So content to let patients suffer without even trying to help. My neurologist gave up on me. "I have no idea what to do with you". Then fucking get out the books, make some calls, do something. Doctors are just robots designed to fill in a spreadsheet for each patient. The spreadsheet is the real doctor and it's not a very good one.

I might have MCAS and of course theres one guy in the state that deals with that and the soonest appointment is in fucking july assuming I live that long. The only reason I know I might have it is because of research me and my mom have done that of course the doctors I see have no idea about. He basically said it's not even worth figuring out whats wrong with me cause there won't be a treatment. Actual subhuman filth that deserves death. Fuck doctors. I would be so happy if I could just kill them all (which I won't do, my life matters to me). It's sickening how they think so highly of themselves. This is like my real life villain backstory before I go insane and try to reset the world or some shit. How did this happen? How are there not doctors willing to try and cure their patients? Why did they even pick this career choice? How do they sleep at night knowing they could make such a difference and yet choose not to? Why isn't anyone doing anything about this?

Sigh. It's just wasted energy. I can't make a difference either. Not sick like I am now. Down to 146 lbs and dropping, albeit slowly now. Feel random extreme heat and I twitch randomly and am in pain a lot of the time. Food still ruins me. Even a small amount of meat yesterday had me hurting for hours. Liver enzymes still high. Pretty much everything either too high or too low in my last blood test. Randomly get super fatigued and unable to feel emotions or think much. Kinda feels like my brain just isn't getting enough blood. Hands and feet freezing, can't sweat. Can't go out alone, can't drive. I didn't go outside once for over a month. The only people that care can't help and the only people that can help don't care. I don't even know why I'm so attached to living still. Some part of me is just coded to think life is worth living despite all the evidence to the contrary. Lucky me I guess.

In happier news, I started beastars and it's real good so far so theres that I guess.

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I'm ninja
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