LogFAQs > #932437742

#57





Years of release: 2015 (PC/PS4), 2016 (XB1), 2018 (Switch/Mobile)
Beaten?: NO, FUCK YOU GUYS, WHY DO I NEVER WIN >:(

I don't think I can properly talk about Armello with acknowledging the elephant in the room, and yes, it would be an elephant; I am a furry. Fully committed, dyed-in-the-wool, as it were, and yes you better believe I have a million more animal puns to describe the situation. Not to turn this into some kind of coming-out post, because nothing could be more pathetic than spilling my guts about self-identity and sexuality in a writeup for my 57th favorite video game of the decade (nor could anything be more quinessentially board 8), but I really can't put up a reasonably convincing facade of pretending that this is one of my favorite games of the decade for the board game mechanics. The thing that keeps me coming back to Armello is the cute animal people. That is THE reason.

I've always gravitated to non-human characters, especially in games. If I'm given an option that is non-human I'll take it. Animal, alien, demon, robot, uh... plant, whatever, if it's more interesting than the human option, I prioritize it. The closer to animal-like it is, the better. I main Yoshi in Mario Kart. I main Paratroopa in Mario Tennis. Latch is my boy in Lethal League. My list of Smash mains is as predictable as you think it is. The list goes on and on. It applies to RPGs, like when I put Riki at the front of my party in Xenoblade as soon as I had the option and never let go, or Mass Effect, where I absolutely refuse to roll out without the resident Krogan and Turian options backing me up. I put Mog in my party as soon as I get him in FF6; Frog never leaves my side in CT if I have any say in it; if I play FF9, it will mostly only be to get to know Freya a little bit better. Pokemon is great, but Pokemon Mystery Dungeon is a dream come true. As previously mentioned, I married Kaden in FE: Fates, not just because I'm unironically crushing on him, but also to maximize the number of potential fox-people in my party. (I bit the bullet and did the same to maximize dragons by marrying Nowi in FE:A. No regrets... ...some regrets.) It sure as HELL applies to anything where I can create a character; if I go back to Skyrim it is solely because of the option to play a hot lizardman, and if you want to convince me to play FFXIV, don't even bother talking about the game; just the promise of cute catgirls and catboys will be enough. If you're one of the lucky few to have the privilege of playing a pen-and-paper roleplaying game with me, the reason I can't properly get into character without being fully bedecked in fur, feathers or scales is because I am an unrepentant, incurable furry with a decades-long grudge against persistent, oppressive human supremacy. I will never apologize for this.

So, to me, Armello represents freedom. No longer must I pick the token furry character in the bunch! They're all furries, and they're all cute as fuck. In this crazy world of cute animal people, I can main whoever the hell I want, unshackled from the necessity of either picking the one thing that looks non-human or having to otherwise assume human form. I can pick from one of FOUR different rat people! There's wolves, bears, rabbits, assorted miscellaneous animals. There's lizard people! Lizards are furries too, don't discriminate. Really opens up my options in a big way - I get to pick my characters just based on, you know, how they play, not their species.

Armello is fun besides that - it's a video-game board-game for up to four players, where you move around the board, trying to complete your objectives and become the new king or queen of Armello, all the while fighting your opponents and trying to prevent them from doing the same, depending on how cutthroat you are. It's fun, but flawed - there is a little bit too much reliance on luck, it's easy to screwed by bad rolls or bad cards and some games can kind of snowball out of control, but in most cases you'll have a last-ditch effort to win, and if you don't, the game only takes maybe an hour or so so it's not a big deal. It's a solid multiplayer game and it's pretty cool to see a board game concept like this in video game form - it's able to do things you wouldn't be able to resolve on a real life board game, such as hiding your character or having AI-controlled monsters attack, plus the dice resolve a lot more quickly than they would in real life.

I think, though, if not for the cute animal people, I wouldn't give a flying fuck about Armello after about 10 hours of play or so. That's what keeps me coming back. I don't think this is actually too controversial to say; the artstyle here is a draw for absolutely anyone, with its dark-fairy-tale aesthetic and its cute characters lovingly rendered and animated on all of the card art. Theming really matters! If this were played on a completely plain board with generic game pieces, it wouldn't have much of a shelf life, but the way all of the gorgeously-drawn card art and the animated characters pop off the screen really adds to the whole experience. And, you know, Elyssia. Cute rabbits add to the experience. I would go to college and study to become an architect right now if it gave me a chance with her. It's 2020 and I have no shame about this.