LogFAQs > #914140595

#8. Beneath the Planet of the Apes
Stifled- 5
Karo- 6
JONA- 7
KBM- 7
Scarlet- 7
Wickle- 8
Inviso- 9
Johnbobb- 9

"Talk about a tale of two movies. Movie A is a long and often torturous romp through the Planet of the Apes with a guy that looks like Charlton Heston, sounds like Charlton Heston, but is nowhere near as interesting as Charlton Heston. He tags along with Nova, who does the same amount of dont talk, just be hot she did in the previous entry. We plod along with those two for awhile, eavesdropping upon the new plot points of the idiotic military gorillas wanting to stir things up. Then we arrive at what I can only describe as the dumbest, weirdest shit in the entire series. Its a church of telepathic weirdo humans that worship an enormous bomb. But wait, it gets better! They are wearing masks and are actually super deformed forreasons! It was an interesting reveal, but it served no purpose. But luckily, that brings us to Movie B. See, Movie B is fucking awesome and was a blast to watch. Weird telepathic cultists invade Heston Wannabes mind and make him try to kill Nova. Then they toss him in a jail cell and make him fight to the death with True Heston! It was a brutal cage fight that really woke me up from the prior tedium. I loved it. After this, all hell breaks loose. People die. Apes die. And then it happens. The craziest possible explodey boomy ending happens and it is absolutely wonderful. This crazy fucking movie took Hestons line in the previous film about you blew it up! and turns it up to fucking 11. I was shocked and it made me immediately move this up higher on my list. If the first half of the movie wasnt so terrible, Id have this in 1st or 2nd.

Traviss Opinion: He really liked the horse that Heston Wannabe was riding. And uhhhhthats about it. He tried to watch it with me, but kept getting bored. So he ran off to go play." ~Stifled

"In this dull and mindless sequel there's another human from the present time who ends up on 'apeworld' because he was sent on a rescue mission though the same time wormhole as Taylor. The problem is that there actually is no anomaly or accident that sends Taylor to the future, it is the relativistic effect of lightspeed travel and was a planned effect of the original mission. They literally sent help because a spacecraft that wasnt due back for 700 years hadnt arrived yet. Great job guys, lets not even watch the fucking movie we are making a sequel of.
After he lands, he ends up running into Hot Loincloth Girl and they eventually find their way to the ruins of New York City, where apparently some humans who survived armageddon now have psionic powers and worship nuclear weaponry.
Why must we insert weird supernatural bullshit into a series where that was never a thing?
Why doesn't the bomb cult ever just use their psychic abilities to make the apes kill each other, like they did with the protagonist on two separate occasions?
Why do we have an ending that seems more like something come up with by a role-playing game DM who was fed up with his players?
Why was this even made?" ~Karo

"This definitely was not what I expected when we were doing the series. The new protagonist really lacks the charisma of Charlton Heston and the only positive point is that there are some nutty scenes." ~JONA
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I'll just go back to gifs. Not like the winner was gonna click my topic.
https://imgur.com/SXyi7uX