LogFAQs > #914134245

Might as well get this started.

#9. Planet of the Apes (2009)
Inviso- 6
Johnbobb- 6
JONA- 8
Scarlet- 8
Karo- 9
KBM- 9
Stifled- 9
Wickle- 9

"First and foremost, that ending is the stupidest plot twist I could possibly imagine. It makes NO sense, and under NO circumstances can I see them justifying it outside of Thade SOMEHOW going back in time to screw with all of human history, while still managing to get the modern world to develop EXACTLY as it did in reality. That ALONE prevents this film from EVER being considered any sort of amazing. That being saidits at least ENJOYABLE. Tim Burtons direction and choices in this film are weird enough that its FUNNY. Sure, theres just a TON of dumb shit (like characters being introduced solely to get murdered during the final battle), but theres also the hilarity of a chimp and an orangutan doing some weird-ass foreplay, Helena Bonham Carters CLEAR lust for human dick, and the fact that Burton gave Charlton Heston a cameo for ONE scene to expose the evils and dangers of guns. Its just a goofy movie that, if it were a standalone film, would be decent with a stupid ending. Thats surprisingly high praise in this franchise as a whole." ~Inviso

"Is Charlton Heston really talking about how evil guns are here? There's a lot I like here, but the bad makes itself so much more apparent. Mark Wahlberg is an instantly forgettable protagonist. Heston's character back in the original was an asshole, but at least he was something. The film suffers from not knowing how to trim down fat. Two separate Mark Wahlberg romance subplots and a teenage angst subplot? In a movie about a human-ape war, why is that necessary? Much of the film is weirdly dark and gloomy, which feels unncessary and against the tone of the rest of the film. Still, it's not a bad movie. The prosthetic work here is ahead of its time, with the ape characters looking impressively believeable (leagues ahead of the original series). In fact, the ape characters are what really bring the film to life, with MCD and HBC really stealing the show from the bland-ass humans. This could've been a really solid sci-fi spic if they had cut the generic human subplots that only seemed to rob the film of its identity." ~Johnbobb

"There's some charm in the cheesiness of some actors but there's nothing compelling here to sit through the movie." ~JONA

"The film most responsible for my own departure from the fandom of Tim Burton, the 2001 remake of the 1968 original trades the jerkish machismo of Charlton Heston for the generic heroism of Mark Wahlberg. The tone is all over the place, the cynical moralizing against the human race is obviously absent, and the new twist climax is utterly baffling. However, Rick Bakers makeup work on the film is gorgeous, and the sole reason to put you through the torturous running time. The combination of Bakers work and Tim Roths villainous scenery chewing make the big bad chimpanzee, General Thade, endlessly watchable. The film may also supply Danny Elfmans last great film score as well. Its a wreck and probably best watched apart from any of the other Planet of the Apes films." ~Scarlet
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I'll just go back to gifs. Not like the winner was gonna click my topic.
https://imgur.com/SXyi7uX