LogFAQs > #904627235

I was thinking about all my sad or negative thoughts coursing through my brain the other day. I don't usually post about them but in the past I have typed up a long post and then just deleted it after reading it to myself. Maybe I would post them sometimes if I didn't know someone IRL who would read it.

Anyway I was thinking about these thoughts because I blacked out from drinking for the first time in my life this week for my birthday at the bar, and it was both an illuminating and humiliating experience after the fact. First of all it's just crazy to misplace an hour of your life but that's what happened (as I'm sure most of you know from experience). Second, I sent a flurry of weirdo texts that I still can't believe are real when I look at them but luckily they were only sent to people who it's mostly OK to be embarrassing in front of. They were melancholy but also overly sweet and loving which is maybe worse.

Anyway. My thinking was how can people do this to themselves like five times a week? I know those are just what we call alcoholics, but do you think they could make the value proposition that they've engaged in even unconsciously? Some part of their brain must be communicating that this is the best option for them, and that value judgment shows that it's better to feel sick every day than to let yourself feel sad at night. Either way you're going to feel sad during the day I would think, as most of us do except for in the fleeting moments of distraction that late capitalism grants us with twitter and whatnot, but at least once you're off work you can get some tangible pleasure out of life. Anyway I don't think it'd be worth it for me, a) because I don't like feeling sick all the time and b) because I know that I would just make myself sadder with my behavior if I got drunk every night.