LogFAQs > #879027467

And he's watching you. Yes, now. Yes, all the time. He created you, and everything around you. You following me? And he's going to send you to hell when you die. It's this big horrible place made of fire where you just get tortured for the rest of eternity.

But hang on, he left me this convenient list of things you're not allowed to do if you want to not go to hell. So you should not do anything on this list. Also there's this book or whatever about him. You should read it.

Oh and even if you don't do any of the things you're not allowed to do, you'll still go to hell if you don't ask him to forgive you every weekend and throw money in a bowl and eat a cracker. See, you have to do all this because some other people bullied his kid. But hey, if you don't do any of those things you're not supposed to do, and you throw the money in a bowl and eat your cracker like a good boy, you get to go to heaven. It's like, the opposite of hell. It's this big, warm place where the clouds are made of pillows and all your dreams come true forever.

No seriously, trust me on this one. This is totally legit. A bush caught fire and said most of it to a farmer or something. I don't know, I wasn't there. But trust me.

Trust me or you'll go to hell.
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You only matter as much as I allow you to matter.
Shut your mouth, and know your role.