No this is beyond that. I will try to explain as best I can.
When I worked at walmart, there was a woman named Amanda. She was absolutely the greatest person I have ever known, I respected her above everyone else. The amount of motivation and self discipline she had. Unmatched. I have never met anyone like her. She was in her early 30s. i loved her. But... it was a different kind of love. She was married and had three kids. I realized that. Even though she deserved better than what her husband offered. Regardless, i did everything I could to make her life even a little bit easier while I was at work. We became such good friends that her husband was even somewhat jealous of me. Which I honestly found funny. Because I would have never ever done anything to ruin the family life that she had.
She had three kids. All of whom I actually liked. I usually hate kids. But I connected with them. And they actually liked me. I just... I can't explain how weird but heartwarming it was. To be such an influence in such a great person's life. I really feel like I made her life a little better
And then... my girlfriend came along. And I PROMISED myself that I would not let my relationship affect my dedication to Amanda.
I did though. I got less motivated and I felt that the two of us were drifting apart. I figured that had to happen, because my girlfriend was perfect for me and it was inevitable.
So I ended up quitting that job. Essentially abandoning Amanda. The person I respected above all else. I have missed her ever since and I have always felt bad for leaving the way I did. But now that I see the perfect relationship I sacrificed everything for wasn't actually perfect.... I've just been feeling even worse about it. I have no idea how I can fix it. I want to go back and see her, and tell her everything. How important she was to me. How much respect I had for her. How f***ing sorry I am for leaving. Just... I hated walmart. I HATED it. But the people there made it an acceptable job. I miss them all, especially Amanda. I wish I had never quit. I made mistakes of my own that I can't fix.
I don't know what to do. I have tried so hard to forget about my past and the people from it and to just move on. And I was succeeding for a while. But then all of this s*** happens and... I just want to go back.
--
~Halo Everybody run!
http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/6195/furriese.jpg