Like I said, I feel you. I get where you're coming from. You want her to change, you want that great person back you were in love with. There's no shame in that. I've been there. It's just... it doesn't usually work like that. I generally dislike making sweeping judgments of people I don't know anything about, but from my personal experiences people do not change. People are who they are, and deep down that person you want to hate will always exist even if she finds some way to mask it. That's a part of her, it just is. That's my take on it, and no offense intended. It would rear its head again eventually even if down the road you got back with her. Likewise, could you ever really forget the pain she caused you? It's just best not to revisit that avenue.
When I say I cut them out of my life, I don't forget about them. I still don't, and I would like to think most people always treasure their long term relationships even once they are over. I look back on the happier times, those good moments, and remember them fondly. At the same time, I realize that the complete person they were was simply not compatible for me. If you keep yourself open, pursuing your own self interests you can find someone better.
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Still smilin'
:>