CHAPTER 3: Numericality
Maniac fell to the floor, letting out a gurgling scream as blood poured out of his mouth, along with a few tooth fragments. "AH! F***!" He yelled.
"No way! We had two deaths in the last chapter and this one BEGINS with a death?! RIGHT AWAY?! This is unprecedented!" Gasped Todbot excitedly.
"No, dummy! He's not dying. He hit himself in the mouth with a hammer!" Laughed Fire. "Weren't you watching? Anyway, he'll be fine."
"Well... why the hell did he do that?" Asked Todbot.
Maniac spit blood onto the floor. "Because Fire dared me too and I'm a Maniac. Why do you think?" He chuckled and stood back up, placing a towel against his mouth without wondering why or how a towel just appeared in mid-air right in front of him.
Suddenly there was a crackle over the loudspeaker. "PARTICIPANTS!" Boomed the voice of Caelus. "It is time for someone to die!... Who? Well, my sources tell me it's none other than... 9459! Step forward, if you would be so kind." He cackled evilly.
No one moved. Instead, everyone just looked around with either blank expressions (the newcomers to this series) and rolling of the eyes (the veterans who know how these things work).
"You haven't assigned us numbers yet, dips***!" Snapped Zazi, breaking the awkward silence.
"SENSUAL SQUID!" Yelled Caelus to someone in the background. "YOU SAID YOU WOULD ASSIGN THE NUMBERS AFTER YOU WERE DONE FILMING THAT DAMN BARELY LEGAL... Oh... And clearly you're not done..." He sighed deeply, probably unaware that the loudspeaker was still on. "Sorry... Wait... Why the f*** are you filming in MY OFFICE?!" There was a bunch of clattering sounds and the loudspeaker went silent.
Han shrugged. "If this is what we're gonna have to deal with, I might just kill myself now."
"I agree," agreed Inviso in agreement. "The incompetence sub-plot is already starting to get stale and it's only chapter 3. This does not bode well, tee bee kyew aytch."
Suddenly, Caelus appeared in the room. "I'm doing the best I can, you dicks! Just bear with me okay?" He winced and rubbed his forehead again. "Okay, I've assigned you all numbers. You can find them in your minds because you know them now."
After a few puzzled seconds, the participants realized that they indeed knew their numbers. Finally, Caelus did something right.
"Okay, so can we get back to killing now?" Asked Caelus. "9459, now you know who you are... so STEP THE F*** FORWARD MOTHAF***A!" He was suddenly speaking with a Samuel L. Jackson accent.
No one stepped forward, though all participants clearly thought of their respective numbers. Strangely, all seemed relieved.
"So, you all are showing me your PA-PA-PA-POKER FACE PA-PA-POKER FACE!" Suggested Caelus with a Lady Gaga accent. He frowned, wondering why that happened. "Guess I'm gonna have to play hardball. Fine, 9459, not only will you be dying tonight, but so will 57 and 30448!" He was very angry now. "All three of you GET OVER HERE!" He bellowed with a guy who does the voice for Scorpion in Mortal Kombat accent. Okay now I'm probably just being dumb.
Crimson stood up bravely and approached Caelus. The others gasped, not expecting a Random Elimination veteran like her to be killed this early. Crimson whispered in Caelus' ear. "Are you maybe reading the numbers of the three people who are already dead?"
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)