So come second episode and the girls eventually strategically tell him off, to which he becomes ridiculously depressed because now the girls have outcasted him and he has outcasted himself from the guys. So he makes his first strategic play of the game and gathers Leif, Troy, Tarzan and Jonas, the four guys who have no current solid alliance with anybody, and suggests that they form an "Misfit Alliance." And let's face it, who DIDN'T look at the men on this season before it even started and say "Okay, Matt, Mike, Jay and Bill are going to form a young, prettyboy alliance, and the other five are going to form an out-of-shape misfit alliance"? I know I did. So now Colton has gone from the bottom of the totem pole to the top, because his band of misfits have the numbers. Fine. I still don't HATE him.
Then comes episode three. And out of nowhere, Bill emerges as this over-the-top goofball personality. And while the rest of the men are embracing his positive attitude, how does Colton respond? My pretty much outing himself as a racist, calling Bill "ghetto trash" (which Bill is pretty much the most non-ghetto trash black guy in the whole world), saying he should go back to the slums, and even going as far as to say he should kill himself. Now I'm starting to hate this guy.
His racism only gets worse in episode four when, even after his tribe wins immunity, he convinces them to give it up to the women and deliberately go to tribal council just to vote out Bill. And folks, two things happened that night that have cemented Colton as a bottom-10 contestant of all time. First, the most racially-heated argument in Survivor history took place. The Yasmin/Ben fight from Samoa had nothing on this episode. Like, this tribal council actually made me uncomfortable. It made me miss all the Jonathan/Victoria scenes from Amazing Race 6, which I once thought was the most uncomfortable that reality TV could get. Colton basically admits that he dislikes Bill because he feels he is not equal to him socially or economically. When the others accuse him of being racist, he defends himself by saying that his housekeeper is African American. Note to self - do NOT hire Colton as a lawyer. He will prove you guilty with his defense. And of course, instead of taking this opportunity to blindside Colton, the guys are frightened of being on his bad side and side with him to vote out Bill, who took it like a man and probably had the classiest final words in Survivor history - "[Colton] judged me for my differences, and I accept him for his." The second thing that happened that night is that Colton ruined the outcome of the season. Had this not happened, the guys would have gone into the tribe swap, and subsequently the merge, with a majority, and since the men were more willing to work with the women than the women were with the men, if the men had a majority, we might not have had the third straight Pagoning. But instead we ended up with an uninteresting, all-estrogen final five. Not that I'm against a women's alliance - the Black Widow Brigade from Fans vs. Favorites has my every respect. But the way it happened here was just disgusting. Oh, and for those who don't remember, the above pic is his reaction to Bill's torch being snuffed.
So episode 5 comes around and Colton is just doing his usual shenanigans. The tribes swap and Colton ends up on the physically weakest tribe in Survivor history. Bar none. And he knows this. He even admits that he's "on a tribe that sucks." So what does he do? He arranges the blindside of Monica, the strongest person on the tribe. Great job, Einstein. Nothing of note here. Except that hearing him scream like a little girl for help when Mike tackled him during the challenge was probably the high point of his entire edit for me.
*CONTINUED IN NEXT POST*
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