Board 8 > darkx ranks all 426 Survivor contestants

(+) Yeah! (+)

After watching and watching this show for the last ump-teen years, I think I've finally decided on a definitive ranking (for now anyway) of the 426 contestants (this number includes people who played multiple times and people who either quit or were eliminated before the game even started). And they're basically split up into 6 tiers. My bottom six and top 25 will all receive full write-ups, since they deserve them because I feel that strongly about them. Most of the rest will receive just brief write-ups, except in certain circumstances where I feel I really need to explain myself on a controversial ranking.


So we'll begin by announcing the first tier...


TIER 6: The Dreaded Bottom Six

There have been Survivors that I have hated, Survivors who I got sick of, and Survivors who I never wanted to see brought back but they still were. These six, however, deserve special recognition for being absolutely horrible in every way, shape and form imaginable. I loathed them for nearly every single second that they were on my television screen and will defend to the death their awfulness, no matter how much people like them, and there are certainly a couple down here that have massive fan-bases, including at least one who won Fan Favorite for their season. I feel like these six players helped ruin their respective seasons (and in fact, there are only five seasons represented in this tier - one is there twice), no amount of trying to convince me that "they added something to a boring season" will make me like them, and I have no qualms about separating them from a group this large.


#426 will be posted tonight, and the hint is that it is a male who has only played once.

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inb4 russell and this topic being deemed irreparably horrible

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damn. #426 can't be Russell

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I never said anything about banging her. Also, I wouldn't bang her. -LusterSoldier (on a fat pageant mom whose daughter chugs Mt. Dew)

This will be crazy and I am ready for it.

Colton for #426.

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Bottom six predix: Colton, Russell, NaOnka, uh... Fairplay? I forget dark's preferences already.

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Oh, and before I go on, I should probably put up the obvious disclaimer that this topic WILL contain massive spoilers for all 24 seasons of Survivor.

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well I guess its time for me to leave this topix

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is he one of those guys who hates both Corinne and Randy? do not remember

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Colton, Russell, Na'Onka, Rocky?, I dunno who else.

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ziggie ziggie wop wop

426. Colton Cumbie (One World, 13th place)



Over the years, many contestants have held this dreaded last place spot on my list. You all know that I was never a Russell fan. Osten's quit pissed me off enough to throw him down here. Yet Osten and Russell were topped in awfulness by subsequent contestants, and Coach is one of many contestants who I have actually come to appreciate over the years after hating them for quite some time. I don't see either of those things happening ever again. Maybe it's because One World is so recent, but I truly feel like it would take somebody raping or murdering somebody on the show to top my hatred for Colton. The kid is probably the closest thing to pure evil that has ever been on the show.

When the One World cast was first announced, Colton annoyed me quite a bit in his video, but I did respect three things about him. First, he announced himself as a Republican. As a young Republican myself, I feel like too often we get shafted. Our generation is clearly a left-wing majority and Republicans are often seen as just regurgitating what our parents believe, which isn't always true. At least in my case, my father is mostly liberal, and my mother, while she usually votes Republican, doesn't really give a s*** about politics. So yeah, I respected that. Second, as I always do when one comes along, I respected the fact that he was a huge superfan. Nothing pisses me off more than someone just going on Survivor to be on TV. No, Colton is a hardcore, would-do-anything Survivor obsessive, and frankly, I would love to see a season of 16-20 of those. I know we had Fans vs. Favorites, but here's a little-known fact about that season - only Erik and Jason were actually truly superfans of the show. The rest were just recruits who happened to have seen a bit more of the show than the typical recruit. Third, and finally, I respected him because anybody who has the cajones to come out as gay at age twelve is okay in my book. I've never had to go through that experience myself, but I can say that middle school is tough enough socially for anyone, let alone establishing yourself as "different." Also, probably a good 30% or so of my close circle of friends in high school were either gay or bi, and most of them didn't come out until at least 9th or 10th grade. So 12 years old is really gutsy. So right from the start, while Colton annoyed me, there was a chance that I was going to like him.

And we get to the first episode and what does he do? Within the first two minutes of the season, rather than try to fit in with his all-male tribe, he immediately establishes himself as "different." That's right. Nobody called him out for being gay. Not Matt, not Mike, not Tarzan. It was Colton himself. And still the rest of the guys just said, "Whatever dude, doesn't make a difference to us." So what does Colton do with this newfound acceptance? He decides to find other ways to establish himself as an outcast just so he can have this come-from-behind outcast story. He lays around camp and does nothing all day while the other 8 men work their asses off, and when they politely try to get his ass moving, he completely shuts off all contact with them and goes over to hang out with the girls. While it isn't necessarily a bad thing to be making relationships with the other tribe early, you can't shun your own tribe because they're the ones who currently have the power to vote you out. And he cries to Sabrina that he needs the Immunity Idol because the other guys hate him (which they don't), and he gets it, which only adds to his ego. So first episode I dislike him, and he's probably in my bottom 100 contestants ever, but nowhere near this dreaded spot.

*CONTINUED IN NEXT POST*

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So come second episode and the girls eventually strategically tell him off, to which he becomes ridiculously depressed because now the girls have outcasted him and he has outcasted himself from the guys. So he makes his first strategic play of the game and gathers Leif, Troy, Tarzan and Jonas, the four guys who have no current solid alliance with anybody, and suggests that they form an "Misfit Alliance." And let's face it, who DIDN'T look at the men on this season before it even started and say "Okay, Matt, Mike, Jay and Bill are going to form a young, prettyboy alliance, and the other five are going to form an out-of-shape misfit alliance"? I know I did. So now Colton has gone from the bottom of the totem pole to the top, because his band of misfits have the numbers. Fine. I still don't HATE him.

Then comes episode three. And out of nowhere, Bill emerges as this over-the-top goofball personality. And while the rest of the men are embracing his positive attitude, how does Colton respond? My pretty much outing himself as a racist, calling Bill "ghetto trash" (which Bill is pretty much the most non-ghetto trash black guy in the whole world), saying he should go back to the slums, and even going as far as to say he should kill himself. Now I'm starting to hate this guy.

His racism only gets worse in episode four when, even after his tribe wins immunity, he convinces them to give it up to the women and deliberately go to tribal council just to vote out Bill. And folks, two things happened that night that have cemented Colton as a bottom-10 contestant of all time. First, the most racially-heated argument in Survivor history took place. The Yasmin/Ben fight from Samoa had nothing on this episode. Like, this tribal council actually made me uncomfortable. It made me miss all the Jonathan/Victoria scenes from Amazing Race 6, which I once thought was the most uncomfortable that reality TV could get. Colton basically admits that he dislikes Bill because he feels he is not equal to him socially or economically. When the others accuse him of being racist, he defends himself by saying that his housekeeper is African American. Note to self - do NOT hire Colton as a lawyer. He will prove you guilty with his defense. And of course, instead of taking this opportunity to blindside Colton, the guys are frightened of being on his bad side and side with him to vote out Bill, who took it like a man and probably had the classiest final words in Survivor history - "[Colton] judged me for my differences, and I accept him for his." The second thing that happened that night is that Colton ruined the outcome of the season. Had this not happened, the guys would have gone into the tribe swap, and subsequently the merge, with a majority, and since the men were more willing to work with the women than the women were with the men, if the men had a majority, we might not have had the third straight Pagoning. But instead we ended up with an uninteresting, all-estrogen final five. Not that I'm against a women's alliance - the Black Widow Brigade from Fans vs. Favorites has my every respect. But the way it happened here was just disgusting. Oh, and for those who don't remember, the above pic is his reaction to Bill's torch being snuffed.

So episode 5 comes around and Colton is just doing his usual shenanigans. The tribes swap and Colton ends up on the physically weakest tribe in Survivor history. Bar none. And he knows this. He even admits that he's "on a tribe that sucks." So what does he do? He arranges the blindside of Monica, the strongest person on the tribe. Great job, Einstein. Nothing of note here. Except that hearing him scream like a little girl for help when Mike tackled him during the challenge was probably the high point of his entire edit for me.

*CONTINUED IN NEXT POST*

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And then comes episode six, which now cements him as a bottom-5 contestant of all time. Christina knows she is next to go. She's on a tribe that won't win unless the challenge is who can imitate a limp noodle the best, and everybody on her tribe is going to vote against her at the next tribal council. So what does Colton do? He rubs salt in the wound. He makes fun of her to no end, screams at her like a child during the challenge, even though Tarzan was doing worse than her, and all he said to him was "Come on, you can do it!" and verbally gives her three options - enjoy your last three days, quit, or jump in the fire and get medivac'd. At this point I hate this guy so much that now I want one of two things to happen to him - he gets blindsided with the idol and cries, or he makes the final three and gets torn to shreds by the jury like never before. But nope, God has other plans. That night, Colton begins to feel ill, and of all people, Christina, the one who he relentlessly made fun of, is the one person who gives a damn and tries to nurse him. So how does he respond? The next morning he says that he isn't grateful and he thinks she just did it to improve her position in the game. Smug little a******. Then what happens next is the very definition of poetic justice. Remember how he told Christina to jump in the fire and get medivac'd? Well his pains from the night before come back and begin to worsen, the medical team responds, and decides that he needs to be pulled from the game. A lot of people were happy to finally be done with him, but not me. That to me was the worst thing about Colton's story. We didn't get to see him get embarrassed.

And then comes the Reunion. His actions here (as well as his actions on Twitter, which are a whole other story) are what finally made me rank him as the worst of all time. He nonchalantly apologizes for his actions in the game, and smugly says that some of it was just joking and that "Everyone on the internet said the season got boring after I left." But he's the reason it was boring at all. He didn't bring entertainment to a boring season. He made the season boring. He was the reason that entertaining people like Bill and Monica were eliminated in the first few episodes. He was (even if indirectly) the reason we had a boring final five. And his unprecedentedly bloated edit was the reason that nobody else got any sort of development whatsoever for the first half of the season. And oh yeah, one more thing about the reunion. His MOM felt so bad about his actions and (lack of) apology that she stood up and apologized for him. What a horrible person. Dead last.

Hint for #425: A post Heroes vs. Villains female

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From: MartinFF7 | #005
Bottom six predix: Colton, Russell, NaOnka, uh... Fairplay? I forget dark's preferences already.

darkx likes Fairplay quite a bit IIRC

Yay my guess!

Whitney for #425?

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it's obv Na'Onka

Xuxon posted...

it's obv Na'Onka

that

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Tag

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Dis gon' be good

Also, from what I understand, Troy totally could have been in a solid alliance with Matt, Mike, Bill, and Jay, but then decided to side with the others for some reason (maybe because Colton had the idol, I don't know). So if you want, you could blame Troy for ruining One World (even if he was the only person post-merge trying to save the season).

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Woop woop woop woop woop

Xuxon posted...

From: MartinFF7 | #005
Bottom six predix: Colton, Russell, NaOnka, uh... Fairplay? I forget dark's preferences already.

darkx likes Fairplay quite a bit IIRC

like i said, I forget his preferences... somebody here doesn't like Fairplay!

That Colton summary... he mad.

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Troy was only responsible for voting out Matt, which was a fairly smart move at the time. He didn't have much power to sway anything in Bill's elimination. And I'll get to my thoughts on Troy later in the list. That's going to be a hell of a write-up as well.

Speaking of which, don't expect all of the write-ups to be this long. Probably only the bottom 6 and top 5 will be like this. 6-25 will get semi-decent ones, and most of the rest will be a paragraph or two tops.

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MartinFF7 posted...

That Colton summary... he mad.

The funny thing is that this board is literally the only place in the world other than maybe his hometown that the vast majority of people don't agree with me about him. The majority of Sucks hates his guts, and even Jeff Probst said that the majority of production, including himself, hates him, and not in a "love to hate him" way like Russell. In a "never bring him back" way.

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AdmiralZephyr posted...

Troy was only responsible for voting out Matt, which was a fairly smart move at the time.

How so?

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From: AdmiralZephyr | #021
The funny thing is that this board is literally the only place in the world other than maybe his hometown that the vast majority of people don't agree with me about him.

I always got the impression of more hate than like here.

He was in the minority alliance, and was causing tension between the two tribes, meaning that in a swap/merge situation, it would have been impossible to get any of the girls to potentially work with him. And despite being young and fit, he wasn't THAT good in the challenges. Jay, Mike and Troy were all more useful in challenges than he was.

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425. NaOnka Mixon (Nicaragua, 9th place)



And as everyone saw coming, right behind Colton for the terribad award comes NaOnka. Well, that's not entirely fair, because NaOnka at least isn't racist, but she does share most of the rest of the qualities that I hate about Colton - narcissistic, selfish, loud, obnoxious, bullied somebody who was different just because they were different, epicly hogged up screen time, and left the game in a way in which we didn't get to see her get embarrassed, and even didn't seem apologetic at the reunion. I think the reason she outranks Colton is that, of the three castaways in Survivor history who actually made me uncomfortable to watch, she made me feel less uncomfortable than Colton and more uncomfortable that the person who ranks at #424. The fact that Nicaragua isn't quite as fresh in my memory as One World is probably helps her cause as well. But let's get into her in a bit of detail.

Pre-show I didn't get too much of a vibe from her either way. She just seemed like the typical sassy black chick. She was one of the several people that season that instead of forming any type of pre-season opinion of, I decided, let's just see how it plays out for her. And first episode she didn't do much. She announced that she was upset with the choice that her tribe made to give up the Medallion of Power, and that she didn't want Kelly, the girl with one leg, to get to the final 3 because she felt that she would win in a 9-0-0 vote just because of her situation. And she was probably right. So she was still middle-of-the-pack for me at that point. In episodes two and three she announced that she hated Fabio for no particular reason and started becoming unbearably b****y. Whatever. She's now fairly low on my list, but she's not a complete trainwreck yet.

Then episode four comes, and this is where I start to hate NaOnka. She and Kelly both see a clue for a hidden Immunity Idol at the same time. Kelly reaches for it first, but NaOnka has the bright idea to tackle her in order to get it for herself. Yeah, that's right. She tackled a girl with one leg for a little piece of paper. Later on when Kelly approaches her, like an adult, about the situation, NaOnka declares that she hates Kelly, for no apparent reason, and even threatens to knock her prosthetic off. Seriously? Is this b**** for real?

Next episode the tribes swap and she ends up with her friend Chase on her new tribe. And suddenly, the rain comes pouring down. So what is the first thing she does? Contemplate quitting. Like, seriously. That's all she's talking about all episode, that she's done and wants out. And then what happens? All it takes Chase telling her a story about how he saw a rainbow the day his dad died to get her to not quit. So, that was just a stupid episode. Next two episodes were pretty much The Marty Show, so we didn't see too much of her.

Then the merge hits, and it's the NaOnka show again. Kelly is long gone at this point, so she has to find someone new to piss off for no reason, so she chooses.... everybody. She hides the merged tribe's food and cooking supplies because she's in a bad mood, an act that is seen by Holly and later discovered by Alina. Later, when the tribe discovers that everything is gone, Holly calls NaOnka out and NaOnka, the world's greatest liar, insists that it didn't happen. When everybody begins to believe Holly's story, NaOnka then switches up her story that it was both her and Alina who took the food, which led to Alina being voted out.

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Episode 9 is pretty much Marty vs. the World, and we all knew from pretty much 10 seconds into the episode that Marty was going home, and of course NaOnka continues to b**** about everything. The high point of her edit happens at tribal council at this episode, when she says that she hates the way Marty struts. On his way back from casting his vote, knowing full well it's his last night in the game, Marty struts back from the voting booth just to take one last shot at her, at which point she finally loses it and flips him off with a look that she's about to strangle him. And still, that was more of a fun Marty moment than it was a NaOnka moment, but a win is a win.

So by episode 10 everyone hates NaOnka. She has but one friend left in the game, and that's Brenda. So surely NaOnka wants to keep her around for safety, right? Nope. This is the episode where NaOnka literally betrays the one person left in the game that actually has some sympathy for her.

And then comes episode 11. One of the single most negative episodes for anyone in Survivor history. She's finally breaking down and decides again that she wants to quit (same with Purple Nobody, but that's another story). When the Survivors show up at the reward challenge, she announces that this is her last challenge in the game, as she is going to quit that night. Jeff looks like he's ready to bust a nut. So anyway, she, Benry, Holly and Chase win the reward to go to the exclusive premier of Gulliver's Travels just for the four of them, complete with all the movie snack and luxuries. Jeff then tells them that if just one of the four of them is willing to give up their reward, the entire tribe will be rewarded with a tarp and rice that they desperately need, as their camp has basically been destroyed at this point. Everyone looks at NaOnka, who, just having declared that this is her last day in the game, has the opportunity to take this up and go out with what little dignity she has left. Instead she shakes her head, forcing Holly to step up and take one for the team.

That night at Tribal Council, NaOnka basically rubs it in everyone's face that she just got to go see a movie and have all kinds of snacks and treats and is about to go have some again because she is leaving the game. Even after Jeff, Holly and Benry try to get her to not quit for some ungodly reason, she insists on laying down her torch with 9 days left to go in the f***ing game. Awful.

Oh, and let's not forget the little gem that happened after she was out of the game. It's time for the jury to vote on who gets the million dollars - Sash, Chase, or Fabio. It's fairly clear that it's going to be 4 votes Fabio, 4 votes Chase, with NaOnka having the deciding vote. So who does she decide to give a million dollars to? Fabio, the guy who she had a rocky relationship with from day 1, or Chase, one of the few people who actually gave a s*** about her? That's right, Fabio. And not that I'm complaining, because I love that Fabio won and would have hated if Chase won, but it just goes to show how bats*** she is.


Hint for #424: Someone who was still in the running for the million dollars at the beginning of the final episode of the season

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oh hey i wonder if it's Ressel

Alicia!

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Colton last? At least he said sorry for all the crap he did. Russell just acted like a big baby.

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AdmiralZephyr posted...

It's fairly clear that it's going to be 4 votes Fabio, 4 votes Chase, with NaOnka having the deciding vote.

It's not like NaOnka knew that, though. Holly only voted for Chase because he said he was going to give some money to charity, and Brenda and Alina only voted for Chase because that felt bad for him and didn't think anybody else was going to. Really, Fabio should have won, like, 8-1.

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Woop woop woop woop woop

i quit

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Black Turtle still didn't MAJORA'S MASK

Bump. 424 in a couple hours.

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whatisurnameplz posted...

Colton last? At least he said sorry for all the crap he did. Russell just acted like a big baby.

IIRC, he never actually said he was sorry or apologized.

424. Brandon Hantz (South Pacific, 6th place)



That's right, I hate Brandon more than anything Russell ever did. And I'll be perfectly honest, a lot of it is because of Russell, but that doesn't change the fact that Brandon himself is a pretty s***ty person and well deserving of being bottom 30 or so even without the Russell connection.

Summer 2011, and rumors are flying about that Survivor 23 will not be a Russell-free season. Instead of the man himself, we will be seeing his 19-year-old nephew. And when the bios hit and confirmed this, I almost didn't even want to watch the season. We just sat through three seasons of Russell, and now we were going to hear about him even though he wasn't in the game. I held out hope that his edit wouldn't be 90% about being related to Russell, but I knew that that was a long shot. Oh, and by the way, being 19 and married with kids isn't a good thing. It doesn't mean that you found your true love early in life. It just means that you were an idiot one night and thought you could seem like less of a prick by doing the "adult thing" and marrying the girl you knocked up. And my theory is supported by the fact that he was divorced by the time the season finished airing.

So, the season begins, and immediately we have it shoved down our throats that Brandon is Russell Hantz's nephew. Like, seriously, it was even listed as his occupation. I did however get a kick out of when Jeff brought in the helicopter with "two returning players," Edna, still oblivious to Brandon's identity, turned to Brandon and said, "Let's hope it's not Russell!" So anyway, Brandon only tells us about twelve times in the first episode that he is Russell's nephew and wants to redeem the family name by playing the game honestly and as a good person. But he doesn't want anybody to know that he is Russell's nephew because he feels that he will be voted out immediately. Unfortunately, this is going to be hard to hide, as he has a tattoo that reads, "Li'l Hantz" on his shoulder, meaning he can never take his shirt off.

On night 1 he finds himself on the beach with Coach, Sophie, Albert and Rick, and the five of them form an alliance. And to their credit, I believe that this is the largest alliance in Survivor history that lasted from day 1 until they were forced to vote one of their own out at the end. So now we know Coach has his back and he's probably going to be around for the long haul. The next day he's going out fishing with his shirt in an awkward position as to cover the tattoo, and Sophie immediately recognizes that something is up, and he totally plays it off like nothing happened. So so far Brandon is annoying the crap out of me but I don't quite hate him yet.

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Episode two he continues to remind us that he is Russell's nephew, but now he feels guilty about hiding that fact from everybody. So he decides to go tell one person. And who is that person? Yeah, Coach. The guy who hates Russell's guts more than anything else that has to do with Survivor. And of course Coach is taken aback by this and begins to become very wary of the guy who he was so close with just the night before. Then in episode three Brandon feels even guiltier and decides to come clean with the rest of the tribe, getting a whole slew of bewildered reactions (Stacey's is my favorite by far). Now everybody basically thinks that he can't be trusted, and we begin to get one of the worst parts about Brandon - screen time for Russell. That's right. Russell, who isn't even in the season, begins to get screen time in the form of flashbacks, mainly of Coach. And that wouldn't be so much of a problem except that already he's receiving more screen time than Whitney, Albert and Rick combined. Like, really? Did we really need this on what could have been a Russell-free season? Oh, and I should mention that there has not been a true completely Russell-free season since Samoa - even in Nicaragua Shannon mentioned him, and Jonas mentioned him in One World.

And so despite this, Brandon seems to be getting along with his tribe pretty well, except for one person. And here's where we get into the realm of uncomfortable. His relationship with Mikayla. Apparently Brandon doesn't like Mikayla because he thinks that she is some sort of seductress or something and he's afraid that he won't be able to resist her. So he constantly makes her feel uncomfortable in an attempt to drive her away from himself. And of course Mikayla, who absolutely 100% does not find Brandon attractive in any way, just wants to have a mature talk about it because she doesn't like being treated like s***. So this causes Brandon to flip out even more, and eventually, by episode 6, they vote her out. Yeah, you read correctly. With all his talk about being a good Christian man (and I do partially blame Brandon for the huge religious theme this season, but I'll get to that more in Coach's write-up) and being true to his wife and kids, Brandon literally voted out Mikayla because he couldn't resist the urge to rape her. Stand-up guy, if you ask me.

So the merge hits, and Brandon's edit actually dies down for a bit. In the merge episode he came dangerously close to getting an INV rating at Edgic, but was spared by his (literally) last-minute comment sticking up for Cochran, who had just flipped his vote and betrayed his entire tribe, for an UTRP1. Then in the next episode he's taunting the former Savaii members who have to compete for immunity while he and the rest of his alliance get to enjoy desserts because there's no chance any of them are going home. And while this pisses me off a little bit, I didn't think much of it because people have pissed me off much worse in this situation before (remember Jamie from Guatemala?). And Brandon continues to have a low-key edit....

Until the loved ones visit. And Brandon gets to see his father, Shawn Hantz, who Jeff wastes no time in pointing out is Russell's brother. And at this point, Brandon is one of two people who could even possibly break up the inevitable Coach/Sophie/Albert final three. So what does Shawn do? He pulls a Russell and begins threatening Coach to take Brandon to the final three, all but assuring now that this isn't going to happen.

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So two episodes later, Brandon, the target for elimination, wins immunity. All hope is lost as Coach, Sophie, Albert and Rick must now vote out one of their own. But wait, what's this? What if they pull a Fans vs. Favorites and Albert is able to convince Brandon to give him immunity? Sounds crazy, but then again, Brandon is crazy, so it just might work.... And it does. Brandon becomes the third person in Survivor history to give up individual immunity and the second person to be voted out as a result of doing so. So he goes to Redemption Island where 10 minutes into the finale he loses the duel to Ozzy and joins the jury.

This SHOULD be the end of Brandon's story, but of course, in true Hantz fashion, Brandon engages in some post-show shenanigans. Of course there's the segment dedicated to Russell bashing him at the reunion, and his divorce after "none of my family came to the reunion to see me." Well, Russell eventually revealed why - he SOLD his tickets. Yeah. Great guy. Oh, and of course he's a big center of attention on Twitter, but I don't really follow that crap.

#423: Was not on Heroes vs. Villains, but if they were, they would have been a Hero.

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It's God's will. Win at redemption

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I never said anything about banging her. Also, I wouldn't bang her. -LusterSoldier (on a fat pageant mom whose daughter chugs Mt. Dew)

bigotx didn't even need 3 posts to include a gay, a black, and a woman

have any mentally disabled people played survivor yet? given the way you treat ertyu i guess not since they would have been listed already

disgusting

Terrific bottom 3.

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Woop woop woop woop woop

From: Mega Mana | #033
whatisurnameplz posted...

Colton last? At least he said sorry for all the crap he did. Russell just acted like a big baby.

IIRC, he never actually said he was sorry or apologized.
He did.

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The Hunger Games>Mockingjay>Catching Fire
Majora's Mask won GotD. Deal with it.

Colton, Russell, Na'Onka, Rocky?, I dunno who else.

IIRC darkx is the guy who thinks rocky is hilarious

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From: AdmiralZephyr | #036

#423: Was not on Heroes vs. Villains, but if they were, they would have been a Hero.

Honestly stumped. My first thought was Ozzy, but this spot is too low even for him.

So far I like 2 of these 3 people!

Too bad they chose to show what they did with Brandon. From what I gathered, everyone liked him a lot, and he would have easily won SP if he made the finals. I guess it's pretty believable, since the negative things they showed with him were extremely repetitive, like they only had 1 bad thing on him.

Brandon actually seems like a good guy though. And his meltdowns with wanting to be honest were entertaining.


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Wait, hold up a second here...

...Brandon is Russell's nephew?

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I'll see you in Hell! (From Heaven!)

423. Jane Bright (Nicaragua, 6th place)



Jane has the distinction of being my most hated Survivor who isn't my most hated within their season. Congrats. And I wish NaOnka hadn't quit so I could put Jane at the bottom of her season, because I absolutely loathed watching her. I think the biggest problem with Jane though is that I didn't start by hating her. In fact, she was actually one of my favorites in the first few episodes. But then she got progressively awful as the season went on, yet the editors still found a way to give her the most forced-positive edit in history because they knew she needed the money she would get from winning Fan Favorite.

Pre-season, I took one look at Jane, and my gut told me that she wasn't going to last. She was the oldest woman in the game and the third-oldest overall, she didn't look particularly strong, and she had a quirky personality. Even on the older tribe, things looked grim for her. But then the first episode starts and she is able to make fire minutes into the game without any kind of tools, and said how she really needed the money because her husband had just passed away, and immediately all of America, myself included, was rooting for her. Over the next few episodes we didn't see too much of her, except that she was really close with Jimmy Johnson and that was about it.

Then came the tribe swap. Suddenly, Jane found herself on a tribe with a bunch of kids in their 20s and decided that she fit in better with them than the people on her old tribe and immediately flopped. Fine, whatever. Smart move on her part, actually, because her old tribe was outnumbered on NuLa Flor. However, this was also the episode that for some reason she decided that she and Marty didn't like each other. There was no fight or hostility between them leading up to this moment, she just all of a sudden decided that the two of them were enemies. And that's where she started becoming really annoying. For the next five episodes, her entire edit is about how much she hates Marty and how big of a villain he is, despite Marty having done nothing to Jane except arrange her buddy Jimmy Johnson's boot. And there are two awful things about this, aside from the fact that it was just plain annoying. First, all of the young kids totally bought into this and, with the exception of Fabio, all started to hate Marty as well. Second, despite having everything in their power to vote Marty out, they didn't even do it. Now, that's not a bad thing from a viewer standpoint, because Marty brought a ton of entertainment to the season. But it just showed how nobody in that entire season was playing strategically. They vote out people like Jill and Kelly B. over a strategic threat that nobody likes, even when he didn't have his immunity idol to hide behind.

So we get to the merge and Jane is now in a superalliance that consists of herself, NaOnka, Brenda, Sash, Purple Kelly, Chase, and Holly, an alliance which by the way has exactly one member that I don't hate. They have all the cards in place to take out Marty again, and what do they do? Vote out Alina, who posed no immediate threat. And Jane continues to b**** about Marty. When they finally get around to voting out Marty in the next episode, Jane takes a shot below the belt and calls him a terrible father, even though she has never seen him as a parent. At this point Marty ruins any chance Jane still had at winning by promising everybody that if he is on the jury and Jane is in the final three, he will vote for her because everyone else was stupid enough to let her get that far. Even after Marty's boot Jane still finds things to b**** about, particularly people not taking her on rewards. So now we know that she's selfish too. And then comes her boot episode...

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A pattern I have noticed is that the person eliminated in the penultimate episode of the season is, with maybe two exceptions, usually a huge character. We're at the final six and Fabio, the intended boot, has immunity, and since Dan is no threat to anybody, Jane, Holly, Sash and Chase must eat one of their own. Oh, and I should mention that both Sash and Chase have hidden immunity idols, and tonight is the last night they can use them, meaning the boot is either going to be Jane or Holly. Sash, Chase and Holly all decide that if Jane makes it to the final three, she will win the jury vote in a heartbeat no matter who she is up against, and, like the brilliant strategists that Nicaragua was full of, they decide to tell her. Instead of trying to save herself by shifting the target to nonthreat Dan, she just flips them off and throws a bucket of water on the fire. Then at tribal council, she announces that she's going to call every other person left out on the "evil" things they did over the course of the game, but really she only calls out Holly on purposely destroying Dan's $1400 shoes. Actually, there was another person that she called out before the producers stepped in and had to get her to shut up, but we didn't get to see that on the show, and I'll explain that later. Anyway, Jane predictably gets voted out and tells Chase that he should be ashamed to call himself a Carolinian. So what does she do with her jury vote three days later? She uses it on Chase, the guy who betrayed her the hardest.

Yet despite her terribleness, she wins Fan Favorite by the largest margine ever up to that point. Really America? Over Fabio, the loveable goofball? Over Holly, who probably had the single biggest redemption arc in Survivor history? You took the bait and picked the horrible person that the editors wanted you to.

And there's one more reason that I hate Jane, and one that a lot of casuals do not know about. We in the hardcore fanbase refer to it as Mortgagegate. See, although it wasn't shown on the show since it's actually against the written rules of Survivor, Sash and Jane made a deal to split the money if one of them won to help pay off Jane's mortgage. This is the "evil" thing that Jane called Sash out on that the producers had to step in and settle themselves. Neither were penalized for it, but it had to be cut from the edit to avoid controversy. Now, Sash has let this whole thing go. He admits what he did was wrong and is not bitter towards Jane about it. That's not to say I'm a fan of Sash, because I hate him for other reasons, but I can respect that much. Jane, on the other hand, is still bitter about it. Really, just let it go. You won fan favorite, just be happy with the hundred grand you got from that.

#422: Had the most confessionals in their season

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darkx 3DS FC: 5241-2144-5671 (add me and pm me urs!)
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I just want to say that this is really interesting to read and I haven't watched Survivor in a decade. You're doing a great job explaining everything about the people and I really hope you don't get burned out in the middle and just start going 'this guy was alright'.

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**R.O.B.A.Z.O.I.D**

Robazoid posted...

I just want to say that this is really interesting to read and I haven't watched Survivor in a decade. You're doing a great job explaining everything about the people and I really hope you don't get burned out in the middle and just start going 'this guy was alright'.

Like I said, a lot of the people in the middle are going to get probably 6-7 sentence writeups because I really don't give a crap about them either way. There's no way I'm doing something like this for, say, Aaron from China. But the ones I feel strongly about and the really controversial ones are going to get writeups like this. The top 25 will all have pretty decent-sized writeups. My #1 will probably take up quite a few posts.

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darkx 3DS FC: 5241-2144-5671 (add me and pm me urs!)
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bump

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darkx 3DS FC: 5241-2144-5671 (add me and pm me urs!)
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Jane was a mildly annoying character who was just made so awful by her completely over-the-top edit.

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