LogFAQs > #961726939

The First and Only Law of Apherosy is actually a blessing. Though, there are some out there who would call it a curse.

When I was a kid, just after graduation rehearsal in Grade 8, we were given the rest of the day off. I went to a friend's house to play Halo 3 with some other friends. His older brother came upstairs with a bunch of snacks, and I opened a tube of Go-GURT, the to-go yogurt, although in Canada we just called them Tubes. When I opened the top, a squirt of yogurt splashed on my face, and my buddy just kinda casually said, "oh, moneyshot." He didn't say it with scorn or enthusiasm of any kind. It was just a matter-of-fact, an observation. The same way you sometimes say street names or storefronts under your breath as you drive by them.

Little did I know then, that from that moment I was cursed, (though some may call blessed) with Apherosy's Law. From that moment, anything that could splash on my face, will splash on my face.

At first it was little things. Fruit Jelly cups when there's a little water on the top, yogurt cups (from single serve to big 1L tubs), moisturizer.

If it could splash, it would. And every time it did, I would hear my friend say, "oh, moneyshot" in the back of my mind. As if I was still sitting on that couch playing Halo 3.

You'd think I'd forget about this over the years, but when I worked at Subway in highschool, I would often clean the sauce bottles. Almost every shift, a squirt of mayo there, a dab of house sandwich sauce here, and "oh, moneyshot" everytime. It was cemented into my being.

I didn't realize how dangerous this blurse could be until I worked at a car factory for a summer, and I managed to get industrial grade lube right into my eye. It burned for at least four hours and there was a five minute period after where I was genuinely afraid I would go blind (excited, tbh, I always wanted an eyepatch but my coworkers were middle aged normies so I had to pretend to be afraid). When I told my foreman I needed to leave and wash my eye, he said "how the fuck did you manage that?" and I had to tell him, "well you see, Billy Joel in a hard hat, I have been blessed, (some would say cursed)..."

In fact, my first "oh, moneyshot" of 2022 happened January 1st,11:47am, when I was cleaning the champagne glasses we were drinking from the night before to celebrate the new year. A glob of soapy water shot out of the glass and hit my mouth.

And in the back of my head, I heard him say, well, you know the rest.