I just want to experience it once in my life. I know it's stupid, but missing out on that part of life just adds to my other issues. Like they feed each other. I'm not desperate enough to pay for it, or take advantage of someone to get it, but at this point it feels like it'd go a long way in helping me get a grip on a bad mental state.
Being raised to believe you're unlovable, and that no one would ever want you, and that you're worthless sucks on it's own. Then to be biologically driven to want that connection with someone, only to be proven that everything you've been told was right all along. It hurts, and it feeds low confidence and self esteem. Depression and anxiety simply amplify those feelings further.
It feels like if I could succeed once, lose the virgin label, and get a real view of what sex actually is, that I could stop caring about it so much. That I'd be more comfortable and confident, maybe with a bit of a self esteem boost too. I know it's not a cure, and I definitely wouldn't expect it to fix anything, but it certainly feels like it could alleviate some stress.
Too bad I'm such a loser though.
If you care about it that much, it's time to get a goddamn hooker.
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I make a topic in Final Fantasy 12 to ask if Tifa! They said no Tifa. Hardness gone!-gandob