So like, this morning I had a massive bowel movement. Seriously, the thing was gigantic. Im pretty sure it had a rudimentary face and everything. It may or may now have been mumbling at me. I dunno, I was gripped by post-dump euphoria and there could have been choirs of angels for I know. So anyway, I finished wiping. Let me tell you, that was quite a protracted experience. The devastation was what you would expect from such an enormous movement. I think it was suffering separation anxiety, because I had to shake my tail feather a fair bit to get it to let go (if you know what I mean). It hit the water like an extinction level event. When I stood up, something hit me from behind and I blacked out. When I came to, there was a greasy smear of filthy water heading from the bowl to the door.
I havent seen it since, but it stole my car keys and a tube of pringles.