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Topic	I can't stop feeling guilty about my husband being an older dad
Cleo_II 03/14/21 1:22:38 PM #27:	DravenRainrix posted... He was born in 1933. I was born in 1979. There was nothing in common between our life experiences. He couldn't accept life in the late 80s and 90s were different to his childhood in the 40s. He expected bike rides and picnics and a ripping good adventure like some Enid blyton fairy tale, the reality was drugs, rave music and violence. We fought more than anything else. He was a child of Victorian parents, stiff upper lip, lack of affection, children seen and not heard. There was a huge disconnect between us. Last words he said to me as he lay in a care home slowly passing away, "You ruined my life" But... And I hasten to add this, that's my dad, no one else's, he was what he was, he knew war, violence, serving in the military, death and discipline. He typified british coldness and lack of emotion. Other older dad's will be completely and entirely.different, but they will all run the risk of leaving their child earlier than dad's much younger than them. My best friends dad was 17byears older than my best friend. They'd hit pubs and bars and music venues together, football games and holidays. I never had that. And that's enough sharing for one day. Im sorry your relationship with him was so strained. I can see my husband having a hard time with the generation gap as well. But I do see him making comments about how he needs to learn to be better about it for her sake. I think they will butt heads for sure but I can see him at least making an effort. He also talks a lot about how he wants her to have a healthy self esteem and realizes his role in that. So I hope he can adjust. Hes not the best with empathy and he knows it. Thank you for sharing. g980 posted... My dad was in his mid 40s when i was born If anything being older gave him a more level head, he was a great dad Just make sure he's taking care of himself Thats awesome, glad you had a good relationship with him. He does need to take better care of himself. He stopped doing annual physicals and wont get his vision tested. His excuse for the past year has been covid. But he wasnt doing it before either. I plan on being that naggy wife once things are better with the pandemic and force him to go lol [LFAQs-redacted-quote] Thank you for sharing your experience. That does make me feel a lot better ThePieReborn posted... I wasn't very physical growing up (as indicated by my being on this site), so I never felt that his age impacted his being dad. Honestly growing up isn't the problem; It's him being 72 right now with his eyesight going (macular degeneration) that's giving me issues. I'm... not in the soundest state of mind in present times, and I can barely take care of myself mentally without losing my shit over the fact that the illusion of my parents being there is going to shatter within the near future. Im sorry to hear that about your dad :( hugs <cite>Cleo_II posted [p:951700575] in I can't st... [t:79348275]...</cite> <quote>DravenRainrix posted... </cite> <quote>He was born in 1933. I was born in 1979. There was nothing in common between our life experiences. He couldn't accept life in the late 80s and 90s were different to his childhood in the 40s. He expected bike rides and picnics and a ripping good adventure like some Enid blyton fairy tale, the reality was drugs, rave music and violence. We fought more than anything else. He was a child of Victorian parents, stiff upper lip, lack of affection, children seen and not heard. There was a huge disconnect between us. Last words he said to me as he lay in a care home slowly passing away, "You ruined my life" But... And I hasten to add this, that's my dad, no one else's, he was what he was, he knew war, violence, serving in the military, death and discipline. He typified british coldness and lack of emotion. Other older dad's will be completely and entirely.different, but they will all run the risk of leaving their child earlier than dad's much younger than them. My best friends dad was 17byears older than my best friend. They'd hit pubs and bars and music venues together, football games and holidays. I never had that. And that's enough sharing for one day. </quote>Im sorry your relationship with him was so strained. I can see my husband having a hard time with the generation gap as well. But I do see him making comments about how he needs to learn to be better about it for her sake. I think they will butt heads for sure but I can see him at least making an effort. He also talks a lot about how he wants her to have a healthy self esteem and realizes his role in that. So I hope he can adjust. Hes not the best with empathy and he knows it. Thank you for sharing. g980 posted... </cite> <quote>My dad was in his mid 40s when i was born If anything being older gave him a more level head, he was a great dad Just make sure he's taking care of himself</quote>Thats awesome, glad you had a good relationship with him. He does need to take better care of himself. He stopped doing annual physicals and wont get his vision tested. His excuse for the past year has been covid. But he wasnt doing it before either. I plan on being that naggy wife once things are better with the pandemic and force him to go lol <cite>[LFAQs-redacted-quote]</cite> Thank you for sharing your experience. That does make me feel a lot better ThePieReborn posted... </cite> <quote>I wasn't very physical growing up (as indicated by my being on this site), so I never felt that his age impacted his being dad. Honestly growing up isn't the problem; It's him being 72 right now with his eyesight going (macular degeneration) that's giving me issues. I'm... not in the soundest state of mind in present times, and I can barely take care of myself mentally without losing my shit over the fact that the illusion of my parents being there is going to shatter within the near future.</quote>Im sorry to hear that about your dad :( hugs </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
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