I met her a bit before then. It was weird, we were probably dating for 5 months before shit went south. Until then, it was like something out of a rom-com. She was a bit jealous if I spent time with my friends, but that was it. Otherwise, it was amazing. We had extremely similar senses of humour and were very much in synch in terms of conversation. It was great.
Until my dad was diagnosed with cancer, then it all went to absolute shit. Stupidly, I messaged a different ex asking about survival rates with that kind of cancer, because one of her family members worked in oncology. She then tried to break up with me. She ended up agreeing to stay with me if I drew her a new picture and gave it to her every time we saw each other, to show that I was still committed to her, even though my dad was dying. God fucking knows why I was such a sucker.
Then generally shed alternate between trying to start fights or deciding Id done something awful and grade-A love bombing. It got to the point where if I spent any time with friends at all, it would be a week long thing that I would end up spending forever making it up to her.
If I cut our time on the weekend short to visit my dad in hospital, shed get shitty and Id have to make it up to her, somehow.
She broke up with me the night before my birthday, because I wouldnt stay the night and spend the day with her, rather than seeing my dad. Conveniently, she took me back the next morning.
She ended up convincing me to pay off about $1,000 of her credit card dept and lent her another $500 for various shit.
When my dad was in palliative care, all she could talk about was that one of her friends kept drug-dialling her and telling her how much they wanted to screw her. This was also the friend shed cheated on an ex of hers with.
I ended up very much prioritising keeping her happy over spending time with my dad, and easing his emotional transition out of this world. Or being their for my mum. I wont go into details, because Im absolutely fucking ashamed at how I compromised my core values. That is something that will haunt me to the day I die.
It got to the point where whenever she decided Id done something horrifically wrong, her two gotos were that shed threaten to dump me, or threaten to kill herself. Usually both at the same time.
As the relationship went on, particularly after my dad died I am really ashamed to admit I started using the same tactics, just to try to get some respite from the constant conflict. Looking back I am absolutely disgusted with the person I became. I lapsed back into self harm as a coping mechanism, and destroyed more than a few innocent inanimate objects.
I ended up breaking up with her a few months after my dad died, coincidentally after she had a movie night with aforementioned friend. Its stupid, but that was my yeah, she gives no fucks about you moment.
She managed to convince me to keep a FWB thing going for a few months, but when I tried to phase that out she pretended to be pregnant. Then, after a week or so of that she pretended to have a miscarriage.
Or, lied and said she had a miscarriage, rather. There wasnt some weird, involved routine involving ketchup packets or anything. I was still stupid enough to believe some of her bullshit at that point. Thankfully, I freaked out about it to a sane friend, who adroitly poked holes in her story, which I then asked about and she admitted the whole thing was a lie.
We exchanged shit wed left at each others houses a month or so later. I got back my copy of Hard Boiled Wonderland and the $500 I lent her. She kept my Invader Zim t-shirt and cut it to bits.
I later found out from a mutual that shed told absolutely everyone Id regularly hit her. Which is something I would never do. I ruined my relationship with my dad stopping that kind of shit, Id never do it myself.
Anyway, TL;DR I am a weak sack of shit, but sometimes I can grow a spine.
Hey I just read this there, wanted to make sure I got all of it.
Fuck me, I'm so sorry you went through that. She showed a complete lack of empathy to your heartbreaking situation and completely manipulated you every step of the way and cut you off from your support network, and would punish you for when you did. That's legitimately evil, fuck.
Hey, don't beat yourself up for being problematic towards the end of the relationship and things. It was a toxic relationship and they can bring out the worst in you when that kind of communication becomes so normalised. You're definitely the victim here, and it really sucks that so many folk don't take abuse by women against men seriously enough in our society as well.
I hope you're doing better these days and can maybe get some therapy and stuff too. Sending lots of love <3