LogFAQs > #943318478

Jen0125 posted...

For the most part, we were.. That's why it's so sad for us. Neither of us wants to break up but he's going to be 32 this year. He really should be out trying to get his true happiness.

By strange coincidence, this is about the point in life where I had to make Holly hate me, and I completely understand the "grieving period" in the other post because that's where we were at for about 3 months before the reality sunk in for her. In every other respect, the relationship was perfect but she was always going to want to have kids, she came from a borderline turbo Catholic family, and it was only going to get worse. If she didn't want kids I would have married her 5 years before the ugly end. The only other 2 of my relatively long terms relationships where the girl understood my desire to not have kids were a heroin addict with eating disorders and schizophrenia/seizure disorders...a complete and utter Trainwreck of a human being, and a gold digger that didn't understand I was only working 3 and a half jobs at the time to support a major cocaine habit, not buy her toys.

I never wished Holly any Ill will and will go to the grave defending her desire and ability to have and raise beautiful kids. She'd be an amazing wife and mother. It was just never going to be to me and our kids in that equation and I had to kill a piece of myself to make her understand that after more than a decade on again off again. As much as it pains me to dive back to that mindset and time, I still think I made the right decision.

On the other hand, as far as I can tell she has not married and had kids as things stand now and that makes me sad for her since she's 40 at this point and I question if I wasted too much of her time in the process of realization there, but I still think I made the right decision morally in not denying her the opportunity.

Do you deny them kids and live with that resentment, or have kids you resent? To me that's an easy decision because it wouldn't have been fair to our kids. Plus they'd have the burden of the demons in my bloodline and I was never going to be ok with that, even if she thought she could temper that blade, she couldn't temper mine if I could make her hate me after so long. That's just how I have to write the entire thing off when all is said and done.

I still second guess the call to this day, but lean towards it being the right decision. Her apparent inability to capitalize on the opportunity presented isn't on me, but there is always a twinge of sadness for her when I go there, looking back. It is what it is.

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