LogFAQs > #943316841

SpeeDLeemon posted...

I see. Well that's his problem then. But you should have been more clear and had a conversation. I understand the communication thing, but in a relationship, you just don't not communicate about these kinds of things

I used to bring it up casually on the second or third date or so, and just point out that I was strongly against the idea of marriage or having kids, and that my stance on that was never going to change. Usually along with pointing out that people always say things like "Well, you'll feel different when you're older", but I really, really won't.

That way, girls who factored marriage or kids really strongly in their mental image of what they wanted out of their future life would know better than to waste years on someone who was never going to jibe with their plans, or worse, count on the idea that "Oh, I can change him" or "He'll change his mind eventually if I pester him enough" and just wind up making us both miserable in the long run.

I actually knew I'd found the girl for me when her reaction to that discussion was "Oh God yes, just the idea of having babies makes me think of the Xenomorph in Alien just sort of growing inside you like a parasite."

I definitely understand why that sort of discussion can be really awkward or scary for a lot of people to have (especially the sort who are terrified of dying alone and mostly just willing to settle for anyone who shows interest in them), but it definitely helps keep deeper problems from forming down the line. And it's better to alienate someone you're just starting to get to know than wind up fighting over it with someone you've spent years with later.



Judgmenl posted...

That sucks, isn't it super hard to find people in your 30s?

Not really. Not in the Internet Age.
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