LogFAQs > #941104099

pinky0926 posted...

I think the conversation (in general, not simply this case) is coloured by the sheer, overwhelming problem that has existed for so long with no meaningful change: women get sexually assaulted all the time and almost never have any legal or social recourse for it. If guys think that some metoo stories on twitter is creating an unprecedented situation where someone could lie and ruin another person reputation, they come across a bit ignorant of the reality: even when women tell the truth, historically the only reputation that gets ruined is their own.

So yes, there can conceivably be times that women lie about an experience, or exaggerate, or maybe the consequences seem disproportionate. But it's also hard to take the arguments seriously from people who tirelessly point that stuff out when you know they never once seriously thought about the injustice of sexual assault accusations until men started to be actually called out.

It really does for me draw a lot of parallels with what is happening with BLM right now. Suddenly everyone is in a frenzy to show the good cops, and the times black people were the bad guys, and how white people can be victims too. All true points but brought up only to distract from the original problem that was highlighted.

Im not really talking about a situation where theyre lying or exaggerating, though. Ive had sex with women where I was uncomfortable just because it was easier than saying no. Maybe some of them would think that had been a nice evening. If I was the sort of person who would be traumatized by that, would I be wrong for my perspective? So I think theres a need for real conversations about these incidents. Because sometimes theyre disgusting and damning like in the Avellone situation, and sometimes they seem like an embarrassing misunderstanding that got handled poorly. I dont disagree with what youre saying, though.

Anteaterking posted...

Right but what were the power dynamics of the situation? You're in public, you're not meeting under false pretenses, you haven't tried to liquor her up ahead of time, and (unless you left this out) you have no power or prestige over her. I don't think anyone would care about that accusation, even if they believed it was true.

When you are in Joe's position, you KNOW that there's a power dynamic at play. You're using the promise of connections, etc. to get this person in the situation and there are particular actions that I feel like can't just be seen a different way from his viewpoint (trying to keep her away from her phone, trying to cast aspersions on her friend, etc.)

I think Joes stance at the time was feeling used because of those connections. I imagine he thought she was interested in him, and then took her fumbling attempts at distraction as admittance that she was only there to advance her career. It was embarrassing, immature, and way out of line, yes, but I dont see how him getting angry is traumatizing enough to publicize an awkward experience.

---

I can't leave without my buddy, Superfly.