LogFAQs > #939887603

Until you can get out, just continue keeping to yourself, don't engage them unless necessary, and - most importantly - keep your cool. If you blow up at them or let them get under your skin, they'll use it to reinforce their perception of you. They're gonna be mad and blame you no matter what, so it's best to just create as few interactions as possible.

My mom is emotionally abusive and my whole family is toxic as fuck, so they were like this. Nothing I ever did was right. There were times I'd wake up, feeling really good about myself and the world, ready to conquer the day. I'd greet people and immediately get accusations of being sarcastic or antagonistic. "Good morning," was often greeted with something like, "Is it? Well (bringing up an old grievance or something I had nothing do with)" or "Well I'm glad somebody is happy." I stopped saying anything and then I was cold, distant, snooty, etc.

Conversely, if I was in a funky mood (or even actually sick) and someone greeted me all cheerily and I responded with anything less than 100% enthusiasm, I'd be called grumpy or irritable and told to just "go back to my cave" if I'm going to be an asshole. I was expected to tiptoe around their feelings and moods, and actually tried my hardest to do so for a long time, while everyone just bulldozed over mine and then acted like it was my fault when I was unpleasant in response.

I actually had a friend unexpectedly die a while back and I just kinda stumbled into the kitchen in a state of shock after hearing the news. My older sister had said something to me and I just kind of ignored her (not intentionally) and grabbed a big glass of water. I chugged it and walked away, so she said, "I guess you're in one of your funky moods today and going to be an ass to everyone."

I just plainly said, "Not trying to ignore you. Found out my friend died."

Did she apologize? Did she offer condolences? Nope.

She said, "You should have led with that. It's hard to tell when something is actually wrong with you or if you're just being difficult," and stomped away. I later overheard her telling our mother that the situation embarrassed her and made her feel bad, which was unfair to her.

And this isn't to say I was perfect or easy to live with. I was not. I just was held to a significantly higher standard that seemingly didn't apply to anyone else.

Anyway, enough about me. Yeah, sorry about your situation. That is an all too familiar hell and I really hope you can get out soon. Good luck. Feel free to message me if you ever need to vent.

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That's a great idea.