I can't cook anything more complex than scrambled eggs
You're in luck, because you can actually cook lots of stuff really simply.
Plain steamed broccoli (or boiled if you don't have a steamer basket and can't spare a buck for one at a dollar store) is perfectly fine. Bake chicken breast in the oven 15-20 minutes at 450, cut it open to make sure the pink is gone.
Bam, there's dinner. Hopefully you have some seasonings in the cabinet to experiment with, and if you don't, it still works even if it's a tad bland.
450 lol wut? ---
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