| Topic List | Page List: 1 |
|---|---|
| Topic | CE Confessions |
| ShinigamiSoul 04/17/18 11:52:07 AM #140: | This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. Id gotten the time of the train wrong. I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of biscuits I went and sat at a table. I want you to picture the scene. Its very important that you get this very clear in your mind. Heres the table, newspaper, cup of coffee and packet of biscuits. Theres a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase. It didnt look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and ate it. Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. Theres nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your biscuits. You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know. . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldnt do anything, and thought, what am I going to do? In the end I thought, Nothing for it, Ill just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a biscuit for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadnt because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another biscuit. Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. Excuse me, I couldnt help but notice . . . I mean, it doesnt really work. We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight biscuits, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my biscuits. --- I dont want a sig! ... Copied to Clipboard! |
| Topic List | Page List: 1 |