LogFAQs > #897175221

DrPrimemaster posted...

You try to hang out with your friends instead of her and she starts accusing you of not loving her enough so you're forced to only spend time with her. So every night you have to stay with her no matter how much you want to go bed. So now you're losing friends and you're constantly tired so you are having trouble in school. And not only do you have to see her in your personal time you have to see her everyday at school

And then when you do spend time with her nothing you ever do is good enough for her. You don't pay enough attention to her, you're not making her happy enough, you're making her depressed.

She says the whole school is going to know that you turned down somebody like her and that they'll all make fun of you for it, you'll be an outcast from the entire school.

And then combine this with the fact that you're a stupid kid with zero life experience to draw upon to deal with any of this.

You've just described half of the relationships my friends and I had in middle school and high school. And the relationships some of them had in college. And the marriages some of them ultimately wound up in.

Hell, my first real relationship was so destructive and ridiculous on almost pantomime levels that it messed me up psychologically for years, and that was with a girl my own age. After years of psychological study and decades worth of life experience, I can easily look back and say that it was a profoundly fucked up situation that I should have shut down immediately and walked away from decisively, but at the time you're just desperately flailing and trying to tread water because you don't know any better, and indecision effectively turns what should have been a 5-minute long unpleasant experience into a months long hellish ordeal that scars you for years to come.

And fuck, my best friend's first sexual experience was basically being raped on a toilet in the boys' bathroom by a sexually aggressive female student his own age who decided she wanted to be in a relationship with him when he generally wanted nothing to do with her (in spite of him both desperately wanting to have a girlfriend to call his own and have sex so he could feel like a "man" - albeit on his own terms). That messed him up for a VERY long time, and in spite of him occasionally laughing it off afterward (but looking very uncomfortable if someone told him "Man, you're so lucky! I wish that had happened to me"), he'd occasionally make little veiled comments about it here or there in related conversations where you could tell from the context that it absolutely bothered him a great deal (and for anyone wondering, he never reported the girl or tried to press charges or anything, because this was the 90s and it would have been utterly ridiculous to even conceive of the idea of that ending well).

I also know of at least one relationship where a guy broke up with his girlfriend, and she started stalking his next girlfriend, slashing the tires on her car and threatening her, etc.

So what I'm saying here, more or less, is that plenty of boys are going to wind up in psyche-shattering relationships regardless of whether or not it's with a 30-year old woman or a 15-year old girl. And given the choice, I'd probably have much rathered that my emotionally destructive relationship be with a hot older woman (whether crazy or not) than a crazy bitch my own age.

Ultimately, every relationship along these lines has to be looked at individually, which is why I'm always kind of disgusted when people bring them up online. Literally no one in this topic knows anything about either of them. We have no real idea if the relationship was coercive, if the boy felt pressured or not, or what the situation really was. So our opinions are kind of meaningless.


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