LogFAQs > #977795974

December 17th 2023 Facebook Post

5 months?! Wow.

It's been 5 months since Lindsay passed. This last month has been busy with the holiday season and all the love and support and fun/stress that comes with it. I've been spending time with family and friends and recently I've kinda just felt... differently about being "alone". Not alone in the sense that I have all my family and friends and that amazing support around me, but in the sense of my home being mine alone.

I think for the first time since Lindsay passed I am in a place where I'm alright with this. I struggled in my own way with living alone. I think anyone who is happily married or living with a partner knows what I mean. There is a comfort to sharing your life, your home, and everything you are with your partner. I lost that in the blink of an eye more or less. From the time Lindsay received the approval of MAID to the time she passed was about a week. Regardless of all the time you prepare for it, the time it took us to receive the approval of MAID, in a week I went from sharing my home and my life with my partner to coming home to an empty house.

It wasn't really empty, it is filled with the wonderful memories we made together and the growth and love she filled me with. I've never feared my home without Lindsay here nor did I avoid it... but only recently have I found my own equilibrium in my new life, I guess. Maybe less to do with my home and more to do with just my new life. I'm more comfortable with my new life.

I'm excited for what comes next and the prospects of inviting new people to share in my world. I'm confident in who I am, what I "bring to the table", what I can endure, and what I deserve. Maybe that's what it is... I'm confident that what comes next is exciting, meaningful, tender, and kind. I don't think I was confident in that until recently. It feels good.