LogFAQs > #977537815

December 3rd, 2023

It would have been twelve years today since we decided to date. I find the story kind of sweet and wonderful. We met in university and started chatting and found out we had some things in common. We started to hang out and be friends and Lindsay told me she needed help with her Political Studies class. Good thing my first degree is in poli-sci! I remember telling her with a smile. That is true by the way, my first degree is in something that would never get me a job, but in small part it got me a wife. We agreed to meet up at the library so I could help her with her paper. She said the main floor, which I thought was the first floor but it was actually the second. She was SO mad at me and thought I ditched her when really we were on different floors. We eventually figured out our confusion and I helped her write her paper. After that we went to get some Mexican, our first time really hanging out outside of school.

We made excuses to see each other as often as possible after that. Lindsay told me about some of her allergies, so I made sure to remove all those items from my home so we had someplace to hang out that was safe for her. Working on our class together, watching some TV, grabbing something to eat. I felt the connection instantly. I remember dropping her off back at the dorms one day and telling Lindsay that I think we should date. She told me that she wasnt looking to date anyone; she had been in a serious relationship a few months before and it ended poorly and she was focusing on herself. In my most confident moment in my life, I looked at this beautiful woman who had quickly become one of my best friends and I told her that I understood she wasnt looking for anything serious right now, but I knew we should give it a shot sometime and that I was ready when she was. I thought I was being confident and sexy, I didnt know until much later that it came across as a little... overbearing and creepy? I didnt know at the time that Lindsay had a history of stalkers and whatnot, would have changed my approach had I known that.

A couple months later, December 2nd 2011, Lindsay asked me to take her on a date. We arent dating, but I want to go on a real honest to goodness date, she had told me. I was absolutely giddy with anticipation and excitement. We went to The Keg and it was honestly a disaster. I was nervous and I spilled my glass of water all over the table. Lindsay would hardly look at me all night and it was just very awkward. The food was just OK and we returned to my place and I felt defeated. I thought that this was my chance to really impress and I messed it up SO badly. We watched some TV until late in the night. Lindsay hated the dorms and I offered to let her sleep over. It wasnt the first time Lindsay would have that opportunity as we would often lose track of time and it just made more sense for her to sleep over and we go to class in the morning. I had a spare bedroom that became hers throughout our friendship.

In the morning we got up together and made some breakfast. I let her lie down on the couch and I sat down on the floor, leaning up against the couch. She gently cupped her hand under my chin and lifted my head so we were looking into one-anothers eyes. With a wonderful smile I will never forget for as long as I live she asked me, So... you still want to date me? My heart skipped a beat and that moment felt like it lasted forever. Oh hell yeah, I told her, and we had our first kiss right then. She told me that she felt so awful about how nervous I was and could tell how important that date was to me. She appreciated how hard I tried and explained that the fucking waiter was making googly-eyes to her from behind my back. It made her feel uncomfortable and that was why she was not as engaged at dinner. She said when we got home and just got to spend time together she realized she wanted everyday to be like that... sharing in each others lives.

When we went to bed she was POSITIVE that I would make a move on her that night. Knock on her bedroom door, invite myself in, try to seal the date night off the way other men had tried to seal off a date night with her. She told me that she had kinda hoped that I would because she wanted my warmth and comfort. When I didnt make a move, she came over to my bedroom, to find that I was sleeping peacefully. Despite my obvious intentions for us to date, I had always told her that when she shared my home it would always be a safe place. I told her I would never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable and that the spare bedroom was hers whenever she was over. She told me later that seeing my asleep, respecting what I promised her, she realized I was sincere and honest and true. Despite us having gone on a date, her sleeping over, she knew I was never going to be like every other man she had ever dated before. I would respect her autonomy, respect her right to privacy and safety.

She said that she loved me before that night, but that was the first night she knew for sure that I loved her. My love was not about a physical passion, a conquest to overcome. She told me that was the night where she knew that I wanted to be her partner, not a lover or an owner. She moved in shortly after and we began our beautiful life together as lovers, as best friends... as partners. I remember a few days later as we basked in the glow of our new relationship, I coyly reminded her how I told her I knew we would be a couple. She told me that it came across a little creepy at the time, but then she held me close and thanked me for being so damn sure she was worth it.

Lindsay, you were more than worth it all honey. And I told you moments before you passed away, had I known how everything would play out, Id have done it all again. You were my lover, my best friend, my partner. Thank you for letting me be that for you.